Grow Strong...

I bought this charm a few months ago and put it in a drawer and forgot about it.

I took it out the other day and looked at the words engraved on it.

One side says, "Grow" the other side says, "Strong".

On the front is an Oak leaf and on the back is an Oak tree. Oaks are known for their strength.

I want to grow strong through my pain. Through my trials. I decided to make a bracelet for myself with this charm. I took out some vintage costume jewelry pearls that had lost some of their luster but, to me, fit in with the charm perfectly.

The heart fastener made me think of me and John.. Two hearts that always met in the middle.

~Nita~

Blackbird Dreams..

(I took this photo yesterday)

He sat down to take a rest for a moment and fell silent like the grave to the ground.

His spirit flew through the trees and rested upon the branch of the willow tree. He looked at his body on the ground. Still and silent like his dreams.

He had always wondered when his days would end..And he felt sad that he would no longer feel the waves of wind upon his frame . Or feed upon bread and take baths in still and silent streams.

But he would be able to see..What others did not, and that was the souls of man.

by Nita Barrow- Zimmerman

tonight's song, Turn the Page by Bob Seger

1st video, 1st clip

Part 7.... The Redemation of Ruby Shane

I am renaming my story to, The Redemption of Ruby Shane, instead of the Haunting of Ruby Shane because this is going to be a story of Redemption..

When I got home that night Daddy was passed out in his favorite chair. He had wet himself like did every night. Disgusted, I took an old blanket and covered him up.
Momma had long ago put a plastic sheet over the chair and kept it covered with the oldest blankets we had. She had to wash whatever blanket he had wet that night, and then put a fresh one back on in the morning.
Momma was sitting at the kitchen table with the sewing machine. She had out some fabric I had never seen before.

"Ruby, come in here honey." She whispered to me as soon as she saw me.
I walked quietly in the kitchen not daring to make a sound. If we woke Daddy up there would hell to pay.

"What do you think about this fabric?" Momma was smiling a sweet gentle smile.

The fabric was a beautiful shade of turquoise. It made me think of somewhere tropical. "I love it..But where did you get it?"

Momma took my hand and said, "We are going to the attic. I want to show you something."

Anticipation made my heart beat faster. What on earth did Momma have in the attic? As soon as we entered the attic I saw Momma's trunks pulled out of the eaves and opened. They were filled with every color of material you could imagine, and many different textures. Silks, cottons, tulle, flannel, wool, linen.

I stood with my mouth open. "Momma were did you get all of this?"

She smiled a a quiet smile of satisfaction. "I have been saving any extra money I made for the last 6 months, and buying bolts of fabric that came on sale. I looked for fabric stores that were going out of business and I bought what I could afford."

"But why?" Was all I could mange to say. I was stunned at all the material she had accumulated for seemingly nothing. I knew Momma was a wonderful seamstress but she hadn't sewed in a long time. We were barely making it and had little money for luxuries such as new fabrics.

"Ruby I am going to start making clothes and selling them. And aprons and quilts and whatever else I can make that people want. I am starting with making you a new wardrobe . And as long as I have a talent I can use, I am using it to get us out of this prison we are in. Your Daddy doesn't know about this fabric. If he did he would blow up. He would know I have been holding money out. So don't let it slip."

"But how are you going to pull this off without him finding out?" I looked into her determined green eyes.

"When he is passed out at night." We both laughed then. "I will be careful. But I promise you he will not hit you again and we will escape him. I will save every penny I make and get us out of here."

" When he asks you about the new clothes you will be wearing I will tell him that Aunt Hazel sent money to get you some new things. Aunt Hazel was an aunt Momma made up so when she had extra money Daddy didn't know where it came from.

" Momma, I don't want to complain but new clothes with old shoes don't really look right." I looked at my shabby shoes and felt my face go hot.

"It is alright honey, I thought about that too. She took out her change purse from her apron and took out a crisp new bill. Take this and get you two pairs of shoes. A pair of dress shoes and a pair of tennis shoes."

"How are you doing this Momma?" I was stunned at the new woman before me.

"Determination Ruby. I am getting us out of this mess. I am tired of the poverty eating us from the inside out. Tired of living a life that ain't worth living. I want us to be happy. You and I have never known happiness and it is time. You have to dream baby. Always remember that. My dream has kept me alive. And that dream is going to save us."

Story by Nita Barrow- Zimmerman

to be continued August 10...

Song Tonight, If You Are Going Through Hell by Rodney Atkins
1st video, 1st clip

This is not just a love story. It is about Ruby's life and those around her. About how we can achieve anything we want to if we fight long and hard enough for it. It is a story of how powerful the human spirit is..

I had gotten out of posting replies on my site in the past month or two. But from now on I will post a reply to everyone who leaves a comment. Just check back for my reply if you want to.

The Haunting of Ruby Shane (part 6)

Thomas pulled the truck over on a side road, and pulled out an old faded red handkerchief and wiped the tears from my eyes.

"Ruby, I can't understand why anyone would want to hurt you. He said this softly as he put the handkerchief in my trembling hand.

"My Daddy don't need a reason to hurt anybody. He just hits when ever the mood strikes. Anything can set him off." I was looking out the window at the corn field and was watching how the sun was casting long shadows on it as it was setting. My lip was trembling, but I was trying not to cry again.

"I can't lie, I have heard your Daddy was mean to you and your Momma. Why don't she leave him?" Thomas was looking at me with wondering eyes.

"It ain't that easy. Momma doesn't have an education and has to work cleaning houses to support us. She gets below minimum wage from most of the people she works for. Do you know how hard it is to survive on below minimum wage? We have food stamps and a medical card. And people look at us like we are trash when we use either one of them. Daddy works when he can. When he can stay sober enough to work..
We have no family to help us. They turned their back on Momma when she married Daddy. And every time she does leave Daddy he climbs in the window wherever we are and terrorizes us. Momma calls the law and they never do nothing." I was angry at how the injustice of our life never seemed to let up. And my voice trembled as I talked.

" I am sorry Ruby, I didn't know. I guess life is a lot harder on some folks than others." Thomas reached over and held my hand.

I hung my head down and looked at my shoes. My big toe was ready to come through the worn part on the left shoe. "It's alright, you didn't know. How could you? I just know I don't want to end up like Momma and have someone hurt me the way Daddy does to us. I want to get an education and get a good job so I don't have to grovel for anything ever again."

I looked at Thomas then and asked him what was on my heart, "What do you want with me?" Do you think maybe I am some tart because of where I come from? Well I ain't. I know you come from a wealthy family. That first day I met you on the road I didn't recognize you at first because it had been so many years that I had seen you. But then it came back to me. I remembered you from school. You were a couple of grades ahead of me. And I use to see you play basketball at recess.

I didn't talk much to you, but I noticed the people you ran around with were pretty mean. So I avoided you. "

This time Thomas looked down. " The people I hung around with were mean. Some were good. But I can see why you would be afraid. But Ruby I swear to you my intentions are honorable. I am not out to dirty your name. Or to hurt you. I just want to be around you. I want us to be friends, and if it goes further than that I wouldn't mind at all."

" I don't trust people Thomas. I have been hurt by people who were supposed to love me with their whole heart, and if they can hurt me, what could you do?" I stared at his face trying to read it.

"All I can say Ruby is you have to try to trust somebody sometime or all you are going to be is lonely." He smiled a sad smile then.
And it broke my heart. I was done for at that moment. There was no turning back.

"Alright Thomas we can be friends. But I am not easy, I am messed up.
I am hurt and wounded and I am searching for a better life than I have. When I get hurt I act like I am angry to hide it. Can you deal with that?"

"I think I can. But remember, I am mean as a snake when I don't eat on time. So if I act angry it means I am hungry." We both laughed, and it felt good to laugh instead of cry.

Story by Nita Barrow- Zimmerman

to be continued August 3...

Tonight's song Beautiful Wreck by Shawn Mullins
1st video, 1st clip

If you have a chance please listen to this..

This chapter is dedicated to Vickie . She is one of the first bloggers I actually talked to on the phone. She has always been there for me and my family. She sent John cards all the time when he was in the hospital. And she is just a genuinely loving person..Her site is Whispers of Inspirations check it out if you get a chance. It is listed on my favorites link.

The Haunting of Ruby Shane (part 5)

I couldn't stay gone for 2 weeks. Go figure.. I missed you all too much, and I missed writing . This is part 5 of the story I have been working on..
Part 4 is all the way back on June 12 th.
Today is my 400th post.


The Haunting of Ruby Shane

I stood there with my head hung down, with a purple eye and bleeding lips. Shame clothing me like an undergarment under the thread bare dress I wore.

"Uh, right now isn't a good time to be here." I stammered through my swollen lips.

I slowly looked up and Thomas was crying.

He grabbed me and held me to him. His shirt smelled of wood and earth. From the two jobs he held down, one as a carpenter and the other landscaping. It was a pleasant smell..

His tears mingled with mine. I hadn't wanted to cry but found myself crying when Thomas did.

"Mam, can I please take Ruby for a drive?" He asked Momma softly.

"Yes, Thomas go ahead she needs to get out of here for awhile." Momma was crying too.

I didn't even know Momma knew Thomas. He held my arm as I made my way to his old Ford pick-up, and he helped me in.

"How did you know where I lived?" I asked him as he started the truck.

He looked at me and said something I will always remember.

"You never forget where the brightest star in the sky is, and I have never forgot where you lived. I use to ride with my Daddy past your house in the Summer time when we were in grade school, and I would see you playing in your front yard. I thought that you had to be the most beautiful girl in the world. Even when your hair was messed up and your face was dirty."

"What about when I gave you the wrong address that day?" I asked quietly.

"I thought you had moved and so I stayed there for hours until the boy next door told me you didn't live there. I figured you needed some time, so I waited until I couldn't wait anymore then came to see you."


I cried when he told me that..The reason I had cried before was out of shame, now it was because no one had ever told me something that beautiful.

to be continued on Tuesday night...

story by Nita Barrow- Zimmerman

song tonight, Johnny and June
1st video, 2nd clip

by the way, Thanks Jeanne..Your words mean a lot.