Cowboy Junkies - Sweet Jane

Just a great song..

Staind - It's Been Awhile (Video)

I feel it....

Upstairs By A Chinese Lamp - Laura Nyro

Music I am listening to this week..

Laura Nyro is so talented..She kinda reminds me of Joni Mitchell

Adam Lambert - Whataya Want From Me

It is 2 days before Thanksgiving..And the rain pouring here today feels like the rain in my heart..Maybe I am a freak..Like I feel like I don't think like everybody. I feel like I am this girl who walks around with my heart on the outside of my shirt for all the world to see..I share my soul..Maybe my soul is not worth seeing..But somehow I can't make myself believe that.

Turmoil has been a part of my existence since childhood...

I have learned to deal with by: Sitting in my favorite chair and listening to old albums on an even older record player..It is like going back in the past. When all of us kids loved each other..When my sister Jody was alive..And my brother Buddy was too.

Mom did not mean to, but each holiday after Jody was killed in a car wreck she broke down at dinner..Thanksgiving dinner. And at Christmas dinner as well. I learned to hate the holidays because they were so desperately sad. My soul began to be turmoil a week before each holiday..When I was alone I would recall the wreck..Mom crawling in the snow to Ola's house. Our adopted grandma.

I remembered falling to my knees when we found out Jody was dead.

Death is so very final...

I loved her so much. She was trying to make me tough..Because she was afraid I wouldn't make it in this world with my soft heart.

Buddy...He made everyday fun..The day he died we going the country way to the hospital and this huge band of wild turkeys crossed in front of us..In the rain..The rain always makes me sad, except for in Summer.

I was a child who always sat back and watched everyone around me. Just soaking in the fact that even though I was the one who sat in my room for hours reading and listening to music most people didn't..They loved me for my differences. For my eccentricities.

This year I am trying with all my might not to be sad. I am going to make new traditions..I am going to bury the bad things.And cry the day before Thanksgiving and get it out,

And with all my heart I am wishing you all a lovely holiday..

love nita

Who I am (Rosemary's Grandaughter) lyrics

For my daughter Elizabeth.....Whom I love with my whole heart


My daughter Elizabeth is tough. She is a hard worker. She is loving and kind.

2 horrible things have happened to her within the space of 1 week. She wrecked her car. Someone ran into her and left the scene. Last night someone stole her purse.

Her friends and her were at the show and put their purses in the trunk. When the came out the trunk had been popped and their belongings were gone.

She had called me 10  times but my phone was in my coat across the room. That was at 2:00 a.m

I suddenly woke up at 3:00 a.m terrified. I looked for my phone and ran to the bed. I looked at the caller id and saw her calls.

I phoned immediately. She was crying so hard I could barely understand her.....

This is the same little girl who did her Dad's meds for him weekly. She didn't have to do it. She could have said no. But she didn't.

The same girl who has worked since she was 16. Often having 2 jobs.

She has watched out for me. I have watched out for her. I am her biggest fan.

Because Elizabeth, you a strong powerful woman, who with God's help, always figures your situation out...

We go there terrible times of trial sweetheart. But they don't last forever.

But always let it make you stronger.

In my despair, I have wanted to sit on the floor like Job. In sack cloth and ashes..Crying to God why did you let me be born.

And God calmed my heart. I am a sinner but I do love God. And He understands our frailties Sis. He knows we are made from dust.

In those times I would open the Bible and just randomly read it. It is always comforting to me.

Read Psalm 23 and Psalm 91, remember when I had my surgery? Those were the only two things I wanted to hear.

Be strong dear daughter. Be strong. Cry when you need to..And then pick yourself up. Because I know God will make it better..

I love you Elizabeth, Mommie