Simple Things I Treasure Most...he said

A loving heart is the truest wisdom.

~ Charles Dickens

I ran my fingers down his check bone. Touching the hollows so softly.

He said, "Why do you stare at me when you think I am not looking?"

"Because I can't quit looking at you." I said softly.

"I want to memorize you, so when you aren't around I can pull the memory of you up in my heart."

He laughed like he always did.

" You are a funny girl that's why I like you."

He loved Spring. He loved it that I planted flowers, bushes, trees and that I had a garden every year. I have Raspberry bushes in the side yard and he always liked to go pick a handful when he was mowing the grass in the Summer. He babied the strawberry plants and would be just beam when he went to pick them and there would be enough for strawberry shortcake.

I planted roses by the driveway, and in the Summer would pick them and put them in a vase and place them on a freshly laundered tablecloth. I made sure they would be there for supper time.

I always made his plate and waited on him. I didn't do it because I had to, I did it because I wanted to do it. I did it for my kids too.

He said, "I feel lucky that you do special things like that for me. You make my plate and have flowers on the table and have ice tea for me every day. It makes me feel good.

It made my heart hurt because his words made me feel so loved.

I miss him...

These are some pictures I took a few weeks ago. A picture of a wooded area, and my iris bed getting ready to bloom.

I want to thank everyone who has left comments. I have been so busy with helping my Mom I have not had time to answer or visit each one of you individually. I am hoping things will be getting back to normal in the next few weeks. Dad is getting better, but slowly. He was very sad yesterday. He was having a very bad day. I have been getting movies from the library and watching them with him to keep his spirits up.

And I stay with him while Mom does errands.

It has just been a tiring time. I am just worn out when I get home and usually drop into bed.

So I am sorry for not visiting but I promise I will real soon. I am thinking of you all and saying a prayer for you too.

Love Nita


Tonight Song, You Got a Friend by James Taylor

1st video, 1st clip

This song reminds me of John more than any song. He and I listened to James Taylor a lot. I said to him one day, "If I call out your name will you come running?"

"Depends on what it's for. But all I know is you better not call me late for supper." LoL

I loved the way he made me laugh.

I close my eyes and think of him....

Hebrews 11:1
1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

I have been thinking about this scripture a lot lately. Sometimes it is hard to have faith when so many bad things are happening at one time . There have been times I was ready to give up on God lately. Run away from Him. But I thought of how Jonah tried to run from God. And how God found him. How in Psalms the psalmist wrote if I run from You, You will find me even in Sheol. Even in hell. We can't run from God. He is everywhere.

I really don't want to lose God. I am just so burdened with sadness. But I still believe in Him. I believe He who began a work in me will finish it. That He will help me overcome that which I can't overcome alone.

I was mad at God though. Mad that He took John. Mad that it seems like everything is so hard.

But I thought to myself, " Who am I to question God?" Where would I be without Him? I had to remind myself of how far He has brought me. That He saved me from death, from addiction. That He has loved me more than anyone has ever loved me or ever will love me. That when everyone forsakes me, He is there. That I am tattooed on the palm of His hand. That He knit me together in my Mother's womb.

He knows the plans for me. He knows the plans for all of us. We aren't meant to understand everything. We just have to have faith.


The other night me and my Mom were talking and I told her how I was feeling. She said, "Never, never give up on God. He is all we have." I do believe that. I know our relationship with God is the most important relationship we will ever have. But sometimes I wonder why all the pain. all the suffering. Why do people have to endure all of the tortures that they live through?

I have felt so very sad because of losing John. It is so hard without him. It is indescribable. And what is going on with my Dad....

I am the one who always tends to help my parents the most because I live nearest them. And sometimes it is overwhelming. I have hardly had time to clean my house and do the things I need to do because I have had to be there with them.

But I think it is better to help them than have a clean house right now. What is a clean house compared to helping those who need us? Especially our family.

I may not answer all of your comments because of the short time I have had to get everything done. But know I am thinking of each and ever one of you. I will get to visiting you all soon. You are thought about...

~ Nita~

Tonight's song, I Still Believe by Jeremy Camp

He wrote this song a few minutes after his wife died of cancer.
Help me to know that You are near yet...
1st video, 1st clip

Relections...

This is one of my reflection shots. I like the shadow of the tree across it, and the sun in the puddle. I took this picture when the puddle was almost evaporated.

I taken many shots of the new spring growth the last few days. This is mint coming up.

Butterflies flock to it in the Summer.

I like to pick a leaf while I am out in the yard and rub it between my fingers and smell it. It smells so good.

Dandelions are beautiful to me. Our neighbor use to hoe them out of his yard every Spring and Summer. Some days he would be at it all day.

I just thought" why?"

Why waste all that energy on killing dandelions?

These are some yellow tulips I planted in my yard when we first moved here.

This growth coming up is a wild purple flower... It is so breathtaking in Summer.

I love the look of flowers and plants look when they first come up....

The purple tulips along the brick walk always have been my favorite... They were there to greet John when he came home from work in Spring.. I have been really busy helping my Mom and took a break to come over and do laundry and housework. I may not post as much for a few weeks until things get better.

To all those I owe packages too, I have not forgot you..... I am just a little overwhelmed now. I promise to get them to you when things get less busy. I have a list of those who are getting stuff. You know who you are.

For those who want Dad's address to send cards I will get it to you in the next few days.

Thanks to everyone who has sent e-mails...and left me comments. You are appreciated.
Love Nita

Dad is Recovering...

This was Dad after surgery this week. I took it while he was asleep.

He has been in so much pain. I have not cried in front of him because if you do, he cries and then he chokes. . But I seem to fall apart at home. Mom said when she visited him today he cried when he turned his head too far. That made me cry... I wonder if the sadness will ever be over?

I am so very down right now. I have not wrote this week because it has been so hard to deal with all of this.

Dad will be coming home tomorrow. He will be bed ridden for 6 weeks. He will also have to be feed through a feeding tube in his stomach.

I wish John was here...

I wish above all things that he was here to talk to Dad.

To encourage him. Dad has cried so much because he misses John.

Many days it feels like my heart is going to break because I miss John so much too.

I was thinking today of all the times that I have heard Dad and John laughing together over some joke that John told..

Discussing gardening, tools and lawn mowers....

Dad bringing John something over he had picked up at a rummage sale he thought John might like.

John doing the same for him.

Them going out every single Thanksgiving and Christmas to the store to pick up things that me and Mom had forgot.

It was a tradition. And, while they were there talking to all the other men who had been sent out to pick up forgotten things.

I wish life did not have to be so painful.

All of those who have responded to sending Dad a card I will get an e-mail to you tomorrow. And thank you very much. He needs encouragement right now. If there is anyone else who wants to send cards please e-mail me . My e-mail is on my site on profile.

~Nita~

Tonight's song, Best I Ever Had, by Gary Allan

To John...

Please Pray...

I took this picture of Dad last Summer while John and I were walking the little dogs. Dad had planted 50 tomato plants and they were just about to do him in. He gave tomatoes to the mailman, neighbors, people at church, strangers....
John laughed every time he saw Dad in the garden picking tomatoes.

John loved my Dad. He was like a Dad to John because his Dad passed away when John was 18. He knew of my resentment of Dad because of the abusive things he had done. But, John always tried to mend the fences with me and Dad. He tried to help me understand how Dad had suffered as a child too.
John helped me more than anyone to see things in a better light. He helped me see that it is better to forgive than to carry the resentment. That the resentment just hurt me..

No matter what has happened in the past.. I forgive Dad.

And I am asking for prayer for him for tomorrow. He is having surgery tomorrow morning to remove the tumor, it is huge and growing fast.

If anyone who reads my blog would put him on their church prayer tree I would be very grateful. His name is Alley.

I have prayed about my heart all week. I don't want to carry the burden of my unforgiveness anymore. I want free from it.
That doesn't mean that when we forgive that we have to be someones door mat. It just breaks the power that they held over us. And Dad has truly tried to change over the years. So, please pray for him.

~Nita~

And if anyone would be interested in sending Dad cards please e-mail me. Dad loved it that everyone mailed John cards. He saw the excitement John had every time he got a new card. And he thought it was so neat that people who didn't even know John would care enough to send him cards.

He asked me today if I thought my friends off my blog would send him cards. I told him that you guys probably would because you have beautiful hearts.
He just smiled real big..