Hebrews 11:11 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
I have been thinking about this scripture a lot lately. Sometimes it is hard to have faith when so many bad things are happening at one time . There have been times I was ready to give up on God lately. Run away from Him. But I thought of how Jonah tried to run from God. And how God found him. How in Psalms the psalmist wrote if I run from You, You will find me even in Sheol. Even in hell. We can't run from God. He is everywhere.
I really don't want to lose God. I am just so burdened with sadness. But I still believe in Him. I believe He who began a work in me will finish it. That He will help me overcome that which I can't overcome alone.
I was mad at God though. Mad that He took John. Mad that it seems like everything is so hard.
But I thought to myself, " Who am I to question God?" Where would I be without Him? I had to remind myself of how far He has brought me. That He saved me from death, from addiction. That He has loved me more than anyone has ever loved me or ever will love me. That when everyone forsakes me, He is there. That I am tattooed on the palm of His hand. That He knit me together in my Mother's womb.
He knows the plans for me. He knows the plans for all of us. We aren't meant to understand everything. We just have to have faith.
The other night me and my Mom were talking and I told her how I was feeling. She said, "Never, never give up on God. He is all we have." I do believe that. I know our relationship with God is the most important relationship we will ever have. But sometimes I wonder why all the pain. all the suffering. Why do people have to endure all of the tortures that they live through?
I have felt so very sad because of losing John. It is so hard without him. It is indescribable. And what is going on with my Dad....
I am the one who always tends to help my parents the most because I live nearest them. And sometimes it is overwhelming. I have hardly had time to clean my house and do the things I need to do because I have had to be there with them.
But I think it is better to help them than have a clean house right now. What is a clean house compared to helping those who need us? Especially our family.
I may not answer all of your comments because of the short time I have had to get everything done. But know I am thinking of each and ever one of you. I will get to visiting you all soon. You are thought about...
~ Nita~
Tonight's song, I Still Believe by Jeremy Camp
He wrote this song a few minutes after his wife died of cancer.
Help me to know that You are near yet...
1st video, 1st clip
24 comments:
sometimes we aren't meant to have the answers, and maybe if we did we wouldn't like it...it's so wonderful and selfless that you are helping your parents...just keep trusting God Nita, He understands your frustrations better than anyone else...
great pictures these past few posts!
take care ~
Joni
Joni: I am so happy you were there to check on me tonight. I was hoping someone would be. Thank you for your words. I will keep trusting.. I have too.
I am glad you like the pictures.
xoxo Nita
Checking in on you this morning Nita and want you to know that you are in my prayers. Asking God to give you the strength that you need each day to be renewed. I have tried to run from God so many times in my life and what blesses me the most is knowing that wherever I ran, He was right there with me, in my heart. We can't escape Him, as He promises to never leave us. He understands our anger, hurt, pain, sorrow, hopelessness, all of it. Just keep pouring it all out to Him sweet friend, and let us out here hold you up with our prayers. I wish I were there so I could help you. Please take a little time to take care of you. You are special and so important to me.
Love and Hugs, Laurie in Ca.
The Redbird is Beautiful sweetie!! I mailed the book to you yesterday. Expect it around Tues or Wed...love to you!!hughugs
i've been angry before too, nita....but i also wonder....what do people do who don't have God to turn to? what a hopeless feeling that would be.....i know we feel hopeless sometimes....but it feels.... at least to me, that someone is listening, helping, and has plans for me....even if they are so hard to understand.
you are carrying so much right now, nita....i pray you will have comfort, strength and ...love.
keeping you and yours in my heart and prayers,
kimberly
Great post Nita. It is true that we cannot escape God. I have been struggling lately and feel like God is far away, when in fact, I am the one who is distant. He has never left my side. Not a great situation (my self centeredness), but a comfort to know that I am not abandoned. Thanks for the reminder.
I found no comfort in God when I was going through the same thing, although my husband was murdered by a burglar in our house. For me it was about a remote power/creator who left us to our own devices. But I did ask the Archbishop presiding at the funeral about people telling me God had taken my husband. The Archbishop said: God didn't do this, a man did.
I've never forgotten those words, and so I don't blame God for anything. I just thank the Creator for giving me free will and try to use it for the good. And I turn to him for help when I need a backup!!
Love, Colette xoxoxoxoxoxox
Dear Nita, I feel angery at God at time's, then I think why am I mad, is it becouse thing's arent going my way? I know you've heard this before..God dosent put any more on us,that he thinks we cant handle, and all of this will pull you closer to him. I'm so sorry your feeling this pain, but God can and will take care of you and your family, and I so love the pictures. Keep praying, and God will bless you! Annette
Nita, it's all right to be mad at God. Many of the Psalms express anger with the Almighty. But Collette is right: God didn't take John and he didn't make your dad ill. I have found many answers to why God allows these thing to happen in a little book I read recently entitled The Shack by William P. Young. I recommend that book to you. God blessings on you, sweetie. May you sleep well tonight.
Your cardinal is beautiful, like your red tin heart.
amanda
Oh honey- I wish I was there, and I could help you clean your house or run some chores when you take a nap....
Nita think of how harder it would be without God. I can't imagine my life without him. I keep you and your parents in my prayers. Often it seems so dark but truly it isn't as dark as it could be. I believe God helps us go on when we truly think we can't and we give up. He's that soft beam of sunlight that warms the heart or the butterfly that catches our attention for that second. He's that store cleark who smiles at you and lifts your heart. He's those of us who love you and continue to pray for you and be there for you. He's in those wonderful photos you take. Hang in there.
{(Hugs)}
Vickie
Love the cardinal photo and some of your reflection shots in the previous post!
Just checking on you sweetie...hughugs
Hi Nita, what wisdom you have. One day you will have such a testimony to share with others who are having to bear the same burdens as you are now. I believe God is using you to touch many life's,and will use you even greater in the future. Did you ever get to read the book I sent you,Heaven..my real home. It's a great book and I believe it will help you...
Blessings,Shelley
thinking of you nita....and keeping you in heart and prayers....
hugs,
kimberly
Nita,
I have been gone for a couple of weeks, but you have been in my prayers...
I know that you are feeling very frustrated with the loss of John, and your dad's illness...but God never gives us more to handle than we are capable of doing With His Help...
and best of all HE UNDERSTANDS YOUR HURT AND FRUSTRATIONS
Love and Hugs,
Mimi
thinking of you... sending you love... and hoping you can email me your address one more time...
I'm embarrassed to admit I have misplaced it...
:-(
(((HUGS))),
Love,
me
Checking in this afternoon to let you know I am thinking about you and praying for you too. I hope you are getting rest when you can and not wearing yourself out. You are important to me and all of your friends here. May your day be blessed with rest, peace and strength.
Love you Nita, Laurie in Ca.
You are in my prayers dear Nita. As Joni said, He does understand better than anyone else.
Have you read Streams in the Desert? You can google it and see the daily devotional that way.
Love you,
Pam
Stopping by to say Hello and let you know you've been in my thoughts all week. Let us know how you are doing Nita.
How's Dad doing? and how are you doing? Just checking in, keeping you and your in thought and prayer.
Annette
Hi Nita
I have been away for so long. Oh how I know what you are saying in this post. I have had a heavy cross to bear just like you. I too have been mad at God. For two years I stayed mad at God after my dtr was in a car wreck and got a brain injury and has a totally different personality. I ended up raising my grandchild......It got me knowhere. Well it got me very depressed! And then my dtr broke her back....so the cross got even heavier. I too felt like, God what are you doing to me? Why is life so painful for me and other people are so happy? I soon came to realize the only person I was hurting with this anger was me. It took time but I finally started "REJOICING" no matter what. 1 Thes 5:16 says to "Rejoice Always" and verse 18 says "in everything give thanks". It is easier said than done! I am a mere human and I find it impossible but God said if for a reason so I believe it. I still get mad at God sometimes when I let my flesh take over......but I don't hold onto it. I hope you find some encouragement in my words and in these verses and always remeber that you are loved and you are never alone. Remeber to take care of yourself. Take a hot bubble bath or a long walk....just take care of yourself.
warmest blessings
Diane
I love the song by Jeremy Camp. He went to the same church as I did durning the time his wife was sick and then when she sadly passed away.
I remember she was sick when he released one of his CD's but she was there right next to him as he sang and sold the CD's at church. She wore this cute little hat to hide the fact that she had lost her hair. She was so full of love and was such a sweet girl.
They both loved each other very much.
It is clear from your blog that you shared that same deep love for John.
The bible says we should weep at birth yet rejoice at death. It is not until we die and leave this Earth that we are truely alive. Being with God and Jesus, with no pain, sickness or worries ever again.
Honey, someday, when God is ready for you, you will once again be with John. Until then, know he is happy and is waiting for you.
God bless you.
Joanne
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