Monday, February 2, 2009

John Has Been Gone One Year February 3rd...

{ John chewing his fingernails}

I have re-wrote this post a couple of times. I couldn't seem to get the meaning of what I felt or the words right. I am filled with sorrow.. I miss John so much it hurts worse than the surgery. I miss him crying at sad movies..and me comforting him.
He had such a good heart..

I miss him calling me at lunch everyday. I told him years ago that he didn't have to do that. But he said it made his day easier hearing my voice. I miss making his lunch every night. And making two gallons of tea a day, he would drink about a gallon and a half by himself. I don't make ice tea very much anymore. Not yet, it hurts too much. I always bought little treats to put in his lunch that I knew he would like. And I would put little notes in his lunch box telling him I loved him.

Seeing his face in the mirror in the bathroom while he was shaving is something I will always miss..
And the way he picked up the hangers in the bathroom.

I miss his hands. The way he would cup my face and kiss my nose.

We both loved to fish. I wish we could have went more often. I am sure he is fishing in Heaven..

John always walked with me..Everyday we walked a mile or two. I miss doing that with him. And I miss the conversations we would have while walking. We always talked about our dreams while we walked.

I miss the comfort of his voice, the shoulder he gave me to cry on. I miss him..
I miss my best friend..


Anonymous said...

Special loves live forever even though someone is left behind and has to go on. The preciousness does not diminish over time, it is remembered with softness and much joy. My prayes are with you and your precious life.

whitey said...

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. ~From a headstone in Ireland

Love your pictures of your wedding day your heart must be heavy right now coming up on your one year anniversay, I will be thinking of you .

Sandi McBride said...

I don't know how you feel Nita, but I can imagine how lonely you are feeling right now. A seems so long and its such a short time...I am sorry I've not been in for a bit, I feel as though I've neglected you, for that I am sorry. I hope you are recovering well from the surgery and are becoming accustomed to your new way of life. I know that John came to you to comfort you. I am sure he is strong in spirit...and near you every day.

Lorri said...

Of course you miss him, and all that you shared together. That will never end...the memories will be ever lasting.

Words are inadequate...but just know I think of you and pray for you.

Big Hugs and Love!

Shelley said...

Dear Nita,it's so hard to find comforting words to say. I do pray for you..I pray you are healing and doing much better. Have you heard of the book,"The Shack"? A friend gave it to me,and it's a wonderful read. Hope you can get it ,I think it will bless you. I would send you mine,but it's being passed around through the family.
God bless you,dear! I am recovering well,and gaining strength each day..God is good...all the time! Thanks for your prayers for me...

joan said...

Hugs and prayers for you Nita at this tough time.

Donna said...

Hugging you TIGHT sweetie...there's no said them beautifully, as Usual!!

PS-Do I remember at one point that you were going to start writing??? How's that going?!!!

Sally said...

I know it's a very sad day for you, Nita, my friend. Words escape me. Know I'm thinkin of you and sending many hugs and much love your way. God bless you.

Jan said...

I continue to pray for you and Elizabeth - how is she doing? I pray for both of you to have a complete recovery. I can't imagine what it is like for you on the anniversary of John's death. I pray the Lord will comfort you and hold you close.
Jan Loy

Laurie in Ca. said...

Praying for you extra hard today Nita as you have reached this one year mark. I am so sorry for the pain you are in emotionally and physically right now. I know John would be taking tender care of you as you heal from your surgery. I think of you daily my friend and pray God continues to help you through and bring healing. I love you girl.

Love and Hugs, Laurie

Kelly Maria said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers....

~Kelly Maria

Annette said...

I love what "Whity" wrote....I am so sorry your feeling this way, I wish I could be there to help you through EVERYTHING!!!! I sing "Happy Birthday" to my dad, I look up in the sky and sing... but he's eating birthday cake with Jesus, cant get any better.....
I Love you

Cami said...

Thinking of you tonight. I'm drinking my my 12th cup of tea and toasting you and John... To precious memories and the ones that watch over us. Sending big hugs too.

bloubell said...

Poor baby, I wish I could do something to ease your pain. Trust in your faith and time will help to heal.

Brenda said...

John is still so very much alive in your words and in your heart sweet friend.

Cindy B said...

what a very special man.. someone that who was your other half..I can't imagine losing my life partner...but do appreciate each day we you no doubt did as well....and best of all, he knew it. ((hugs)) cindy

Doolallysally said...

Hi Nita
Thank you for leaving me a lovely message. I've been to your blog quite a lot recently. It brings me such a mixture of emotions, I haven't been able to leave you a comment. It feels like looking into someone's soul and it has moved me to tears but at the same time it brings me great strength. Thank you. Love Sal x

Anonymous said...

Hey sweetie pie,
You are on my mind. I'm still praying for you and will not stop. I'm so sorry John is not physically there. It is a bond that even death cannot break.
Love you,

Jeanne said...

No words will make it easier to bear. {{HUGS}}

A bird in the hand said...

I share your heartache.
Colette xxoo

Stevie said...

I want to thank you so make me slow down....and take notice of the little things that really matter. It isn't the size house you have or what kind of car you's's the little things. You make me appreciate each day when I wake up and I still have the love of my life with me....beside best friend....we do many of the same things you and John did. My prayers are with you my friend. Again thank you so much....Nita

Amy said...

I send hugs!

Flassie's Fil'a said...


TQ said...

Some while back you dropped in on my blog and left a lovely note. Lovely notes are like snowflakes - light and gentle and delicate. Sorry to read of your loss. You have a beautiful soul and a beautiful heart. The lightness of love is dancing in your heart. May it always so dance as you fondly remember John. May the Peace of whatever Being or Force lies behind this Universe always sustain you. Beautiful blogs like yours deserve their place on the internet. Peace, Love and Stillness be with you always.

Tim Quinlan, Dublin, Ireland!

Lee Laurie said...

You have really been on my mind for the last few days. I hope that you are feeling better from your surgery. My Uncle passed away last week. He had been sick for a while. I bought my Aunt a pretty card that I have yet to mail to her. One part of the card says...

I believe that you have a place deep in your heart
where treasured memories
will always live.

And one day
those memories
will be a tremendous
comfort to you.

I thought about you when I read those words. You and John had a special love and I know that love will get you through this. I feel that it will give you comfort now.

Take care and know that I am thinking of you.

Lee Laurie

P.S. If you could send me your address, I would like to send you something.

The Artful Eye said...

I'm thinking of you and sending you hugs. John will always be with you, he lives in your heart and he is your strength.

Please get well soon.
xo Andrea

Mimi said...

you have been in my thoughts continually and in my prayers daily..

Mona said...

I think...they stay near us until we are alright. I think your John stays very close to you as Patrick did with me. You will always miss and want him but with time, and I know you won't believe this right now, but time will make it softer. What I mean by softer is that your memories of him, instead of breaking your heart and leaving you sobbing for him, his touch, his smell, his voice, there will be a soft place you can go in your heart and soul to be with him. You will smile at those precious memories..yes, and sometimes cry and always go through times of wanting him, desperately, but you will be able to bear it. I wish I could tell you that the pain will go away one day, but it won't. It is a part of life.
Nothing..nothing...but time will help you right now. No strangers words, no friends words, nothing and no one can help. It is a daily journey you must travel. I know. I walked the path and I am STILL and always will be on it, but now I know my way better. I can handle it. Does that make sense?
Your best friend is there when you need him. You just cannot see him. I think, when we think of them, they come to us. I do!
As someone once wisely told me..."he is waiting for you behind the moon."

Elizabeth G. said...

God bless you, Nita. God bless you through your grief and your missing him. God bless you in your memories, your longings, your dark days and your days when the light shines through.

God bless you in everything.


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I love beauty, whether it is in nature, literature or art. And I love music... My day feels incomplete if I haven't had a chance to listen to some good music.. I also love beautiful souls, and kind hearts.


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