Red Tin Heart..: My World is on Fire...

Friday, October 23, 2009

My World is on Fire...

(please listen to this if you have time...i love you all...we are not alone...not as long as we have each other..)

When I was young things were taken from me..My innocence was stolen. It did something to me.. Something I hated.

But I could not get it back no matter how hard I tried. I was tainted..stained.

And things just seemed to happen to me after that ...I learned to close myself off to people who might hurt me. I recognized the signs in them..The signs that said I will hurt you if you let me. And I learned to guard my heart..But not very well, because I have always trusted like a child.

I have read articles, that say whenever we are molested, we tend to stay the age emotionally, the age it happened to us. The age our innocence was taken..

I don't feel like a victim though. I feel like an over comer.

I feel like if I do make mistakes in character judgements, God will protect me....I have a strong faith in that. My trust in Him has sustained me.

But, I have fallen so far..So far. Done things I never thought I would do..

Out of loneliness..Out of sadness. But my faith has in God has never wavered..He has been here for me all along. Waiting for me to return to Him..

Calling me gently to Him..Telling me the burdens of the world are nothing compared to the peace He provides..

But in my finite mind..I want to figure things out on my own. Crash and burn then have Him pick the pieces up..Sad but true..My stubborn heart...

I don't have everything figured out..I never will. But I know I am making my way back to Him. To God..Trying to slowly make a path to where I hear His voice again..

For He never forsakes me..The way I have forsaken Him..

In my brokenness I fell into a hole..

A hole I almost didn't come out of..But I kept hearing Him along the way..In my heart.. "You can make it Nita..You can do it..Hold On..

So now I hold on.. as I work my way back to Him..

Sending love ..Nita....

11 comments:

Simply Shelley said...: So good to hear from you Nita,you are so right,he has not left your side...you will be strong again and enjoy the fullness of a life that will bring you much joy and pleasure and bring Glory to God in all things....our trials either break us completly are make us that much stronger...you and I both are OVERCOMERS sweetie and Satan has no chance to defeat us....when God be for us who can be against us? Priase his Holy name.....blessings and prayers sent your way.....; October 23, 2009 at 5:33 AM
The Feathered Nest said...: Dear sweet Nita, I was so very glad to see your new posts...you don't realize how many you inspire dear friend ~ I pray for you to have a peace that passes understanding and for pure happiness to wash over your soul, much love, Dawn; October 23, 2009 at 6:18 AM
Kelly said...: Nita,
I understand, I have walked that path too... Had innocence stolen.. etc.. Never felt I was worth anything for a LOOOOONG time. But we do have a very loving God who really sees US, who sees YOU, who can heal you of all the hurts of the past... I know it seems easier said than done, the past always tries to creep back in at different times in life. At least it has for me. But through the Lord you can take back your life, and overcome all the junk, all the obstacles, etc... YOU are worth His Enduring love.... even when you might not think so. He says, "I LOVE YOU MY CHILD"
I will keep you in my prayers!!
Beautiful Blessings~Kelly Maria; October 23, 2009 at 7:49 AM
Nita Jo said...: Nita, I'm so glad to read your two newest posts. Part of healing and of forgiving ourselves, is in keeping our connections with those who love us, our friends, and the world around us. As I know too well, those childhood wounds can revisit us, and we relive the pain again. When pain threatens to overwhelm you, the only answer is what you have done... make your way back to God. You can make it... His arms are always there to enfold you in love and forgivness.

Love you my friend,
Nita Jo; October 23, 2009 at 9:03 AM
Laurie in Ca. said...: Dear Sweet Nita,

This is such a beautiful testament to Gods Grace. His unmerited favor to us. Nothing we can do to earn it, just accept it as His gift of love. I too have walked the road of losing our innocence before we were old enough to understand. God's grace has always been there for me as
I have lost count of how many times I walked away from Him. His love is unconditional and He understands our struggles. Take heart sweet friend, He is just a whisper away from you at all times.
He is so good and will never hurt us. I love you and will continue to pray you through.

Love and Hugs, Laurie; October 23, 2009 at 9:51 AM
Susan @ Blackberry Creek said...: God bless you, Nita. Be strong and listen to God in your heart.; October 23, 2009 at 12:48 PM
Annette said...: Glad to see you back, seriously. I've missed you and I think from time to time all of us have let go of our farther hand, but that very same hand is always stretched out to us to grasp onto! I have fallen many times and he always has picked me up, brushed of my knees, brushed my hair out of my eyes to see him again, and takes my hand and walks beside me every day, that's unconditional love my friend!!
Love you~
Annette; October 23, 2009 at 5:22 PM
Anonymous said...: You have wonderful supportive friends Nita. You deserve them.

- A Friend; October 23, 2009 at 8:05 PM
A bird in the hand said...: Dearest Nita,
I fell into many holes before I learned to walk around them. It's a process we go through, searching, falling, getting up. Keep going no matter what.

xoxo; October 23, 2009 at 8:11 PM
Donna said...: Sending you "pools" of warmth and Tons of healing light Sweetheart...((((((((((HUG))))))))))))); October 24, 2009 at 6:36 AM
pchickki said...: Hang on to the Lord Nita
God Bless You
BIG Hugs
Patti; October 25, 2009 at 8:41 PM