Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Part 3 Mousetown..

"My love is dark. His eyes consume me in the night. He wakes, and clutches me to his frail but strong body, and the way he trembles wakes me. His lips crush mine in the semi lightened room. Then he cries. Cries for a terror he cannot talk about it. He is consumed with pain, pain in his heart, pain in his spirit. But he holds it in..He is mine. But Yet, only his own."

I walked to the woods the next day..My purple scarf glistened in the sun because of the silver strands woven through it. The way it glimmered and cast light upon my powder blue jacket mesmerized me.

I saw him in a tree opposite of the one he had been in the day before. He was sitting with his legs drawn up to his chest and had both of his arms wrapped around them. I climbed into the tree across from him. I leaned against the base and put one leg up and let the other dangle.

We sat that way for a few minutes, studying one another.

Then he said something I didn't expect.

"You know there are billions of people in the world, yet we are all so fucking alone." His lip trembled when he said that. Then he quickly laughed to cover it.

My heart stood still for a moment, because I felt the same exact way. I felt it in such a depth I wanted to drown in sorrow.

I wished I could tell him at that moment of how I cried myself to sleep every night because I had no friends, of my lack of ability to reach out.

"So who is it today Emma?" He smiled, a sweet crooked smile.

"Just me, I wanted to see if you would like to explore some of the woods with me. I know where a waterfall is and some cliffs that we could climb.. Maybe take some photos of the wildlife?" I smiled at him. My best smile. The one I reserved for those I truly cared about.

"I don't have a camera, but I would love to explore the woods with you. I have always liked Nature." He smiled back at me then. A kind smile but filled with untold sorrow.

We began to walk the path I had worn down. As we walked, I kept casting glances at him occasionally, and I tried not to get caught.

He looked good. He had on a black tee shirt and had a pack of cigarettes rolled up in one sleeve. The sleeve closest to me. He had on faded blue jeans with one knee ripped out. His hair was wild, but somehow looked neat too.

I noticed his long thin fingers. And wondered if he played an instrument.

His finger nails were clean and trimmed. I liked that. It said he cared about his appearance.

He was pale, dark circles were under his eyes.

"Why the dark circles?" I asked him quietly.

He looked at me with a deeply sad expression. " Oh, I don't sleep well. Insomniac.
I get lucky sometimes and sleep for 5 hours but mainly get 2 or 3 hours of sleep at night. Then I just cat nap throughout the day." He looked away from me quickly. Maybe embarrassed by revealing that to me.

He looked straight ahead and kept talking. " It makes me feel weak at times, ya know? Like I am always running low on energy." He looked at me then with a sad wistful smile.

And my heart ached- I wanted to trace my finger down his gaunt cheekbone. Not in a sexual way, no, in a pure way. But I refrained. I clutched my hands in my pocket instead.

I looked away quickly. I didn't want him to read my eyes. They said way too much.

by @ Nita Barrow- Zimmerman 2010
(to be continued)

Today's song, Gravedigger by Dave Matthews
Truly wonderful song...


Lady Euphoria Deathwatch said...

Hi Nita,

Now you did it... Look out Mountain Man, Nita's story made me hot.

Thanks Nita I'm gonna' have some fun.

Hugs, Euphoria

~Red Tin Heart~ said...

Thank you....Euphoria! Smiling
xoxo Nita

Vickie said...

In such short words you created such a wonderful picture Nita. You definitely put a person's imagination to work!

Patti said...

Part 4 come on!

Anonymous said...

I just found your blog. I went all the way back to the beginning to read about your life's journey. I, too have lost a husband and I know just how you feel. What helped me was I started making books. It wasn't until I made a book and illustrated it to the poem FUNERAL BLUES by W.H. Auden, that I felt some peace. The poem Expresses lost better than anything I have come across. Blessing, Bernadette

Annette said...

LOVE THIS .....when can we have more?
Great seeing back!!
I have something for you..stop by and grab it please


Dena said...

Hi Nita!!!

Uhm...part four pretty please?


Amy. said...

You have a gift with words my girl.

Miss jane said...



About Me

My photo
I love beauty, whether it is in nature, literature or art. And I love music... My day feels incomplete if I haven't had a chance to listen to some good music.. I also love beautiful souls, and kind hearts.


Copyright@ 2007- 2013 by Nita Barrow- Zimmerman
all rights reserved. Please do not use my original art, photos, or reprint my writing without asking me for permission. Thank You...

Pick out one person a day to encourage.

Please pray for the protection of Israel.
And for the Jewish people who live there. May God give them the strength they need to defeat their enemies.
“To love means loving the unlovable. To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable. Faith means believing the unbelievable. Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless.”
—G.K. Chesterton (1874-1936); writer, critic
"There will come
a time
when you believe
everything is finished.
That will be the beginning."
Louis L'Amour

"Wisdom is knowing what to do next;
virtue is doing it."
David Star
exert from
The Philosophy of Despair
It is never too late to be who you might have been.
George Eliot
Friendship is a sheltering tree.
Samuel Taylor Coleridge
~Wishes are free~
So why not make one?
Psalm 138:7

Though I am surrounded by troubles, my God will preserve me against the anger of my enemies. He will clench His fist against my angry enemies! His Power will save me. The Lord will work out His plans for my life- for His faithful love endures forever.

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