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Saturday, March 6, 2010

Hope

This past Summer I was ready to give up on life. I was despondent over losing John..And over Elizabeth's health. I closed down. And it has been really hard for me to get it back together. Elizabeth is sick again, her doctor thinks she may have leukemia.

I am at a point where I am just feel devastated in life. I feel worn down by circumstance. I feel like I am losing everyone I love and I can't do anything about it. But somehow, I get up each day. I take a bath I get dressed and I do what I have to do.

But I feel weak..Like i need people to take me under their wing..

I need hope right now more than I have ever needed it.

love Nita

36 comments:

Lady Euphoria Deathwatch said...

Hi Nita,

I think it is time to renew your spirit.

The people in your life are gifts to enjoy but they are not yours forever.

Enjoy the memories of love from your past, but don't expect the same in the future.

The future is for making new memories with some old relationships and some new.

Time to be the person open to experiences.

I have had the same kind of bad patches also. Bad things happen to all of us. Don't waste time moaning when you could be making more good times to remember later.

It will turn around, but you can help it move faster.

(Feel free to tell me if I am wrong.)

Hugs, Euphoria

whitey said...

So sorry to hear about your daughter it seems she has been sick now for awhile, you are always in my thoughts , hope things will soon get better for you both.

~Red Tin Heart~ said...

lady euphoria, i don't know if it is moaning as much as desperation and a complete sense of loss that i am feeling...i feel like everyone i love is dying and i can't do anything about it.. my dad is in poor health as well..very bad shape actually..i hear my Mother cry everyday..and it is wearing my spirit down. i feel like sometimes you can only go through so much...i know it says God only gives you what you can handle...but at times i feel it is way beyond what i can handle.

i have been trying for months to get myself together...i will keep trying..but i do thank you for your words.

xoxo Nita

~Red Tin Heart~ said...

dear clydene, thank you...i appreciate it..

Shelley said...

Nita,I am still praying for you...God is with you...he will never leave you or forsake you...have you considered counseling?...I have been going for the last nine months and it has helped....keep looking up...I am very sorry for the illness of your daddy and Elizabeth...I pray for their healing....and yours....blessings

Karen M said...

Have you been to a doctor? You may need some medical help to get you over this slump. Also, a good counselor might be able to help you. One thing for sure, I'll be praying for you. God can and does perform miracles. I know you have a deep faith and you will come out of this with much love to give to others. You have an amazing gift of writing, keep using it to sort through your thoughts and to encourage others.

Sending a great big HUG to you, my friend.

Patti said...

Nita if it makes you feel any better.
My husband was diagnosed with lymphoma and leukemia a few months ago and there are many stages of leukemia. Lets hope it is at the "Watch and Wait " stage as my husbands is.When will you get the results of her tests?
I will bed praying for you as usual Nita.
You have so many friends here in blogland and we all support you sweetie.
I know things have just been so hard.

You have accomplished much with your weight loss so be proud of that.

Thinking of you.
Big Hugs
Patti

A bird in the hand said...

Dear Nita,
You reactions are natural. When you're assailed from all sides, it's impossible to "not waste time moaning" as one of your commenters put it -- except that it is not moaning, it's suffering, it's voicing what you feel. Of course you could "not waste time" if you didn't feel anything, if you were made of stone. You could squash it all, bottle it up, and suffer even more devastation to yourself at a later date, guaranteed. But you're a human being and you feel.
Please get some help for yourself, and hold on any way you can. Don't try to do this alone. You are no different from me: I lost my 48-year-old mother and my husband within less than 2 years of each other. I got through it, and you can too.

I am here for you always.

amanda said...

Nita,
The Bible never says that God will not give you more than you can handle. It does say that he will not tempt you more than you are able to bear. What you are feeling and dealing with is not temptation. I've just been reading through Job. It echoes that we do not know why we receive the hand we are dealt. Job wanted to just die, or rather wished he had never been born after loosing all his children, cattle, and crops. Your grief and sorrow is normal and I'm sure very heavy. I'll be lifting you and Elizabeth up in prayer.
Love,
amanda

Mimi said...

Dear Nite,
I am so sorry that your problems seem to increase instead of decrease...I have been praying for you for quite some time that God would somehow make your life a little easier for you to bear...

I am reminded of Isaiah 41:13
For I hold you by your right hand- I, the Lord your God. And I say to you, "Don't be afraid, I am here to help you>"
He will carry you through the trials and heartaches...
{{Hugs}}
Mimi

~Red Tin Heart~ said...

Thank you guys so much for your comments...You just helped my heart so much. I started counsoling 3 weeks ago to learn to deal with all this sorrow..It has helped. But some days I am just blindsided.
Thank you...Thank you for caring...

love Nita

Donna said...

I've lost so Many that I can Literally feel them all "looking" at me from above..;o)
They're Happy and busy and I know this...I feel left behind in a way...
But never a husband or a child...My heart will Always be with you and the children...and I Know Belief can be a hard thing to do...Keep trying...we're all here with you love.
((((HUG))))

Bill said...

Hi Nita, you have endured so much. Through out it all your strength shows through.
Please know you are always in my heart and prayers. Please visit me at my journal site or email as you need.
Bill

Dena said...

(((((((((((((((((((Nita))))))))))))
Not a day goes by that you are not in my prayers. I am here for you my friend, always.


Much love,
Dena

gail said...

I will be praying for you, Nita.
Blessings Gail.

Elizabeth G. said...

Oh, Nita - I really understand how you are feeling. I have been there myself. Please don't look too far ahead. Instead, just take one day at a time ("Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof"). Life is not so overwhelming if we only take it in small bite-size pieces. Also, find ways to nurture yourself, every single day! Read scriptures, pray, take some personal time, do something that you really like, eat something you love (in moderation), take a walk and get your body moving. Make sure you get plenty of sleep. Take good CARE of yourself. You need your mental, spiritual and emotional energy in order to handle your days, so do everything you can to protect that for yourself.

Who is Elizabeth? Is she your daughter?

I will pray for you, starting today. I will pray that the Lord will strengthen and bless you.

You are in my prayers,
Elizabeth

Rebecca said...

Nita...

God himself directed me back to your blog with a strange twist of unexpected turns. I just happened to go back a year ago to my blog a read a comment you posted in Feb 09.

Several years ago my life was spinning out of control. It wasn't over death, but definitely over loss. I couldn't get up, didn't want to breath. Truth be known...I wanted to just die.

Somehow I struggled through the dark days and recognize that without a doubt that God was carrying me while traveling in the valley. It is the only reason I survived.

He has a plan. He does. And He is there for you even when you feel you are alone.

Trust His presence. Trust His plan.

Love to you~Rebecca

Donna said...

Happy Saint Patricks Day to you!!
hughugs

rivergardenstudio said...

I send you hope with each new day of spring. With each flower that opens and each ray of sunshine. roxanne

Flassie's Fil'a said...

{{{NITA & ELIZABETH}}}
{{{DAD & MOM TOO}}}

Lifting All of You
Up in Prayers!!!

I do not know if this link
will work or not. This lady
has been through so much herself.
Brain Cancer, and has a daughter
with health issues. She is very
encouraging.

http://especiallyheather.com/

One of the things I've learned
about cancer is to not eat sugar.
Cancer loves to feed off sugar
and grow.

My son is a survivor of 4th stage cancer.

God Bless You and Yours!!!

racheld said...

I hope the coming of Spring is bringing you an open, full heart---full of prospects and anticipation for all the good things to come.

And I send you a warm, comfy Grandma hug from the Heartland!

rachel

Anonymous said...

Yes, nita, it's been a long time since I've been here, but I pray for you and Elizabeth, too.

I totally believe God has a plan for all of us.

Rella said...

I am thinking of you today, Nita..and Elizabeth. Your strength
is larger than most. You have suffered more than most..I am not forgetting the battle you had yourself with health. You keep picking yourself up, however. You keep putting one foot in front of the other...and you consistently find little joys to hold you. When we let go of what is out of our control and concentrate on what IS within our control, like how we act or REact to things..on a day to day or hour to hour basis..we get through. And you do have many friends far and wide who love you and hold you close in their hearts.

Sending love
xox Rella

Wsprsweetly Of Cottages said...

Nita...sweetheart..listen. I've been where you are and I know it isn't fun. But, what happens is that people can only watch you cry for so long and then they pull away. It happened to me. It becomes too much and the helpless, hopeless feeling others have around you because they cannot seem to help you...makes them pull away sometimes. Not because they don't love you, but because it becomes a matter of survival for them. It took me years to understand this...
I still cry. I still talk to him. I always will. But I am very careful anymore to keep much of it private. Some know, because they know me so well..but they don't dig into it and I stay centered.
I will always miss him and want him.
There is an old saying which I am sure you have heard. "laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone."
Grief takes time..and no two people grieve the same.
Every single person on here who has commented on this post...wants to help. No one really can. Only you can help you.
Smile. Even when you don't feel like it...and soon it will come natural.
That is all I have to give.
Hang in there sweet girl. There are better days coming. I promise.
Mona

Vickie said...

Oh Nita, you certainly had more than your share. Even though I haven't been around much, know that you aren't far from my thoughts. I will continue to pray for you and Elizabeth.

bj said...

Hello, dear one,
I am bj and over from Mona's.
I know nothing of what has happened to you but I can read a little and see that you are going thru such a low valley. I know that YOU know, our Father is ALWAYS with you, holding your hand and your heart. Please try clinging to HIM and you won't feel so alone, I think. I say "I think" because I've never lost a mate so of course, I have no idea the pain you feel. I just know for SURE that GOD will never leave you.
Please know that I will pray and pray HARD for you to feel some comfort...you so need it.
I wish there was something I could say or do to help...but I know that the only thing I can do for you is pray.
my love, bj

Donna said...

Happy Easter Friend!!! Are you in here sweetie?
hughugs

~Red Tin Heart~ said...

i'm here..just a little lost..love you donna..and everyone..love nita

Flassie's Fil'a said...

{{{HUGS & PRAYING}}}

Laurie in Ca. said...

Oh Sweet Nita, even though you are feeling lost, God always knows exactly where you are and is there watching over you, loving you and hurting for you. I am praying for you to find the peace you need in all of this and for all things Spring to brighten your days. I miss your pictures:( I love you and will be praying for Elizabeth too. Take care my friend.

Love and Hugs, Laurie

Vickie said...

It's been so long again. I hope you and Elizabeth are okay.

Amy. said...

Thinking of you!!
Amy

Flassie's Fil'a said...

Wondering how Elizabeth and
You are doing Nita?

Lifting Up Prayers!!!

God Bless You and Yours!!!

Building a home said...

"When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place." Have faith everything will be OK as long as you believe it will.

Diane said...

Hi Nita
I have not been blogging for so long. I stopped in to see how you were doing. I am sorry that life is so hard on you. Just know that there are people who feel the way you feel and who have made it through to the happiness....
I cried every day for 2 years after my dtrs wreck. I still suffer from depression but through it all I just cling to the TRUTH that God has a plan.
I am lifting you up in prayer.

blessings
Diane

Sally Stanbury said...

Hi
It's been a longtime. I still think of you and wish you would blog soon.
Love and prayers
Sal (formerly Doolallysally ex-blogger)

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I love beauty, whether it is in nature, literature or art. And I love music... My day feels incomplete if I haven't had a chance to listen to some good music.. I also love beautiful souls, and kind hearts.

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Pick out one person a day to encourage.

Please pray for the protection of Israel.
And for the Jewish people who live there. May God give them the strength they need to defeat their enemies.
“To love means loving the unlovable. To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable. Faith means believing the unbelievable. Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless.”
—G.K. Chesterton (1874-1936); writer, critic
"There will come
a time
when you believe
everything is finished.
That will be the beginning."
Louis L'Amour
(1908-1988)

"Wisdom is knowing what to do next;
virtue is doing it."
David Star
(1851-1931)
exert from
The Philosophy of Despair
It is never too late to be who you might have been.
George Eliot
Friendship is a sheltering tree.
Samuel Taylor Coleridge
~Wishes are free~
So why not make one?
Psalm 138:7

Though I am surrounded by troubles, my God will preserve me against the anger of my enemies. He will clench His fist against my angry enemies! His Power will save me. The Lord will work out His plans for my life- for His faithful love endures forever.

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