I saw a sunset the other day. It reminded of being in love with someone . How it is a muddled pool of beauty..Mixed with pain.

We are never sure of ourselves...The women I am in therapy with.. A friend was admitted yesterday...I can't and won't say her name.

Mom said, "That isn't gonna be you is it ? You don't feel that way do you?" And it hurt so much.

I don't have a plan. I don't want to kill myself..Anymore.

I just want to learn how to handle my triggers and how to have a real relationship with people.

Being a hermit so long has not been easy. Social Anxiety is awful..I do better than most people who have this, I have been told.
I will go places..The store..A friend's house..church..I am building my way up. It is the most I can do for now.

But so many days I feel my best is never enough..It is a learned response.

I will kill that damn feeling. I will.

My song for the day is :Wichita by Gary Jules

And I hope my honesty will help someone who might be going through what I am going through.

love nita