Saturday, December 10, 2011

Somewhere Over the Rainbow - Israel Kamakawiwo'Ole

Mom is worse everyday..Dementia started setting in a few years ago. She is not diagnosed, but Grandma had it, and she has begun to act just like her.

My world is sad so often because of her gradual decline. She cussed me out today..This morning..And my heart felt like it was in a vise..I felt like a bird with a knot in my throat. And I cried...And I cried. So many tears.

I remembered her when I was little..Her mind sharp. She was working in the garden. And I stood at the window and watched her. I loved her pink shirt and her blue shorts. She looked so much younger than her actual age.

And I loved her..I still love her. But things are different now. She cries to me. "I am losing my mind."

And I say, "No Mom you aren't." But I know she is..Sorrow is like this wind tunnel that blows over me 1,000 miles an hour.

I wake everyday and I pray for her..God please let her have peace now. Let her be happy. For she has never really had the chance to be very happy.

Melancholy has wiped me out today. It has a temporary hold for a while.

I am working on the house and trying not to think about it too much. Because tomorrow is a new day.

love Nita


Out on the prairie said...

Love this version, a favorite song of mine.Just pounded it out today on a Goodwill organ for a lovely little girl.Dreams do come true.

Irene said...

I'm sorry you and your mom are having this terrible disease to deal with. I thought for sure I had run out of tears, but there always seem to be more. I wish my mom would at least get mad at me, then I would know she still knows me, not so. She's just there. Stay strong, if you can, know that you are the best thing for her right now, even if you feel helpless. Thanks for stopping by. Love to hear from you.

whitey said...

Oh Nita, I think we are in the same boat of life right now, though my moms mind is not to bad now, her health takes a little more out of her everyday. Sometimes I just sit and watch her and study her face so I wont forget her when she is gone. It is terribly hard.

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear so much has been happening. I pray hope can grow for you. I know it's what's helped me.


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I love beauty, whether it is in nature, literature or art. And I love music... My day feels incomplete if I haven't had a chance to listen to some good music.. I also love beautiful souls, and kind hearts.


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“To love means loving the unlovable. To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable. Faith means believing the unbelievable. Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless.”
—G.K. Chesterton (1874-1936); writer, critic
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That will be the beginning."
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exert from
The Philosophy of Despair
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