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Friday, February 15, 2008

Memories ...

I found his sunglasses today. I was cleaning off the counter and microwave, and they were sitting on the edge of the microwave where he always put them after work.

He had an after work ritual, take the hat off. Put the keys, pocket knives (he had 2), wallet, change, cough drops, (he carried those all year long), all in the hat. Sunglasses on microwave.

I held the sunglasses in my hands and couldn't quit crying.

Every song reminds me of him, everything reminds me of him. You can't spend half of your life with someone and it not.

When I was holding his sunglasses I just keep thinking of us picking blackberries this past Summer.
And how excited he was because he had seen 50 yellow birds in the woods. One day he came home from work and he grabbed my hand and said, " Come on I got to show you something."
I went. We hopped in his old car and off we went. We drove to the spot where he had seen the yellow birds.
They weren't there... But at that moment as we were holding hands bright streams of sunlight filtered through the trees on us. And we stood in silence awed at the beauty of it.
He put his arms around me and said, " Wouldn't it be great if every moment was this beautiful?"

I whispered , "Yes...

~Nita~

Song, When the Stars Go Blue by Tim McGraw
2nd video, 1st clip

37 comments:

Laurie said...

Another beautiful memory Nita, hold onto it in your heart, water it with your tears, cherish it with your soul. I am praying for you sweet friend, asking God to hold you up as you find John in everything you see and touch. My heart hurts for you today, especially in the simplicity of our husbands simple but profound rituals. I will turn 60 next month, and have only spent 18 of those years without my husband. I would be devastated. I am devastated for you Nita, and wish I could help you through this. You have my prayers every day.

Love, Laurie in Ca.

My Treasure Barn said...

Yep, another beautiful memory. They will make you cry and that is part of the grieving process and it is ok to cry.

Hold the memories close and bath in the warmth of them. Your John will always be there with you in memories.

My heart hurts for you my dear friend.
Thinking of you and praying for your strength through this sorrow you are feeling.
xoxoxxo
Patti

BriteCloud said...

What a lovely memory, Nita.

I thought about you this morning. I was driving the kids to school and there were blackbirds everywhere. I said a little prayer for you then.

What if all the memories of our loved one left when they passed. Thank goodness we still have those.

I look forward to reading more of your memories. I think this is a wonderful way to record them while still eulogizing John daily.

God bless.

amanda said...

I can hear your whisper.
amanda

Mimi said...

I wish I knew some magic thing that would take you and Elizabeth's heart break away... but all I can do is pray for you to find comfort in everything you touch that he touched..
Just be a comfort for each other...
{{{Love and Hugs}}}
Mimi

red tin heart said...

Laurie: That is so neat that you and your husband have been together so long. I love that. I watched the news last night and saw a man and woman who have been married for 80 years!! Amazing.
Thank you for the kind comments you leave me. Thay help so much. love nita


Patti: You are such a dear soul . Thank you for your prayers. love nita

Britecloud: That made me happy that you thought of me when you saw the blackbirds. And thank you for praying for me. Prayer helps so much. love nita

red tin heart said...

Amanda: thank you... xoxo nita

Mimi: When I read the comments people leave, it is such a comfort. Just knowing people care.. love nita

PixieDust said...

These sweet glimpses of your husband fill me with awe and beauty... even in your melancholy you enrich my life, mi Amor... you are a gift indeed, and I'm holding you always.

(((HUGS))),
Love,
me

Donna said...

Go Forward With Courage

When you are in doubt, be still, and wait;
when doubt no longer exists for you, then go forward with courage.
So long as mists envelop you, be still;
be still until the sunlight pours through and dispels the mists
-- as it surely will.
Then act with courage.

Ponca Chief White Eagle (1800's to 1914)

I have always loved this..and my Mother swore by it...You'll find your sunlight sweetie....much love to you tonight...

Shelley said...

Hello Dear Nita,you have such wonderful memories of John.I pray everyday will find you a little stronger and Elizabeth to. You are in my prayers.

God bless, Shelley

Anonymous said...

Dear Nita,

I just happened upon your blog this evening and wanted to send you my sympathy. I will keep you and yours in my prayers.

all my best,
Kathy R

red tin heart said...

Pixie: Thank you.. He enriched my life in so many ways. xoxo nita

Donna: I love this. Thank you. xoxo nita

Shelley: I do have alot of really good memories. More good than bad. xoxo nita

Kathy: Thank you. xoxo nita

A bird in the hand said...

Oh my dear Nita, links brought me here and I hear echoes of my own story. My heart goes out to you. I've had many years to find peace after the sudden death of my John, who was too young to die. Our time together was short, but he was my rock, he washed away all my childhood wounds with his love.

You have my understanding, my compassion, my affection. It's good to cry, to get it out, and to know that the grieving process takes a while.

Colette xoxo

Thrifty Miss Priss said...

It's the everyday things that will constantly remind you of John. Grab the moment Nita and let it happen. I know it was hard holding his sunglasses, but you also were able to remember the sweet moment when he grabbed your hand to go see the birds. You have so many people out in this big blog world that are lifting you up and praying for you and Elizabeth.
xxoo
Robin

Classic Charm said...

Nita,
I'm new here...but have been reading about you and your John. I cry with you as I read your tender words. May God give you and Elizabeth peace...hold on to those precious memories.....
Hugs,
Rose

Just Joni said...

your memories are so precious...I pray that your little heart begins to heal soon ~


Joni

red tin heart said...

Colette: Thank you for your words.. They do comfort me. xoxo nita

Robin: I admire you so much. You are going through so much yourself, yet you come to encourage me. You are loved. xoxo nita

Rose: What sweet words you write. Thank you dear heart. xoxo nita

Joni: It may take a long while to heal. We never really get over losing the ones we love. I know that from losing a sister and a brother. Thank you for your concern and prayers.. love nita

Dena ~ swaddlecottage said...

Dear Sweet Nita,

Hold each one of those memories close. They will fill you with strength and carry you through. You are always in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs,
Dena

shabby chic said...

Hi nita
Hope you are ok, and you do have some lovely moments to remember. I hope the sunny skies bring lots of sun soon as i think sunny days help us to lift
x dominique

Rhonda said...

Hello Nita, Just wanted to let you know we are praying for you and your family. I wish I could just sit down and talk with you for awhile. You have always been such an encouragement to me. We think of you often.

Love, Rhonda in Mi.

Diane said...

Nita
Your are such a strong woman. I can't imagine going through what you are going through. God is close to the brokenhearted so I know that he is holding you in his hands right now. I wish I could take your pain away. What a beautiful life that you and your husband shared and I am so glad that you have so many wonderful memories to carry you through this most difficult time.
xoxo
Diane

Anonymous said...

I think of you often. I read through your whole blog one day with my oldest daughter and it really touched us. You have a had a interesting life and your words are written so wonderfully. You really should think of publishing your story/stories one day.I pray for you and your daughter and Family and hope that in time you will have and be at peace.

Nathalie Thompson said...

John gave you some incredible gifts in "moments". What treasures to hold and to remember him by! Hugs to you as you continue to grieve. God's peace and comfort to you and Elizabeth.

red tin heart said...

Dena: Thank you, I hold the good moments very close. Hope you have a good week end. love nita

Dominique: That is what I am praying for. Sunny days. It helps me when the weather is good. love nita

red tin heart said...

Rhonda: I am so happy you left a comment. I miss you so much. I wish we could just sit and talk too. Maybe this Summer Elizabeth and I can come and visit. love nita

red tin heart said...

Diane: I love that scripture! Thank you so much for your kind words. Love nita

red tin heart said...

Anonymous: Please e-mail me. love nita

red tin heart said...

Nathalie: He did give me some really good moments..Thank you friend for your words. love nita

red tin heart said...

Nathalie: He did give me some really good moments..Thank you friend for your words. love nita

Lee Weber said...

I'm glad you're writing down your memories. As important as they are to you, maybe someday they'll be just as important to others in the family. hugs to you- Lee

red tin heart said...

Lee: I think you are right. Memories are so important.. love nita

Anonymous said...

I have been reading your blog for a few days now and I want to say Im sorry for your loss. You have good memories of your husband. You will be in my prayers.

Thrifty Miss Priss said...

Hi Nita,
Just checking in tonight....I noticed the quotes up on the right side and at the top under your banner....love these! I'm kind of a quote fanatic anyway!

red tin heart said...

Anonymous: Thank you. I do have good memories of him. There are bad ones too, Just like anyone . But I am trying to remember the good ones. xoxo nita

red tin heart said...

Robin: I am so happy you noticed the new quotes! I love quotes too.
It will be 2 weeks at 12:30 a.m. that John has been gone. I have been pretty down today. But I am trying really hard to stay busy. Thanks for checking on me. love nita

The Feathered Nest said...

Thinking of you sweet Nita and so glad your things arrived safely. Hugs to you, xxoo, Dawn

red tin heart said...

Dawn: They are beautiful..I love the picture. It sits on a shelf above my bed. Thank you so much for your kindness. Love Nita

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I love beauty, whether it is in nature, literature or art. And I love music... My day feels incomplete if I haven't had a chance to listen to some good music.. I also love beautiful souls, and kind hearts.

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