Letter to John...

John,
When I hear Mary Chappin Carpenter's song 10,000 Miles. I remember the night we were driving home from dinner from a neighboring city. We were alone on our Friday night date we took every week.

You looked over at me and said, "I love you."
I said, "I love you too."

"This song is how I feel about you." He said to me..
"I feel this way about you too." I told him.

My throat felt very tight and I took his hand in mine and held it to my lips and kissed it.

He pulled the car over to the shoulder of the road and pulled me to him. He said, "Kiss me"

I kissed him...

No matter what John did, no matter what I did. And no matter what differences we ever had John was my one true love. I have never been able to take my wedding ring off.

I miss him so much I feel like I will never be whole. It hurts so much worse now than when he died because the shock has worn off.

I am doing what I can to heal. My brother's wife and I were talking today. She said, "Nita, no matter what anyone says, no one can miss John as much as you do.

You saw him everyday. Sisters may miss brothers but it is not like the wife. When someone loses their husband they lose half of themselves."

I agree with her. I miss my brother but it doesn't compare with what she has suffered.

John was a part of me. Now that part is gone and it feels terrible.

Many days I feel like I can't go another second without hearing his voice. Without seeing him...

But, I do feel like God blessed me with the 22 years I had with John.
Good times, bad times, sad times. Poverty stricken times... All of it was a gift. Because I learned from him. And I had someone who truly loved me.

He told me once.. " Nita it isn't material possessions that really matter to me and I know they don't matter to you. I just want us to have a simple life."

We were poor monetarily for most of the years we were together. But it really didn't matter to me.

Because I felt like were rich in so many other ways than money. John could do anything, and he knew how to build anything. Once he and Dad built 200 bug boxes for Girl Scouts for a Nature Event I was helping with.
He stayed up all night building them.. I loved him so much for the effort he put into everything he did. We also made the most of what we did have.

I looked around for free events to take the kids to. And would pack a picnic lunch for the road. I would stay up late and make fried chicken, potato salad and chocolate chip cookies. And make fresh tea and for John, and pack soda in the cooler for the kids.

We would go to the zoo and to the art museum. And the Science Center.
We would go hiking in Nature preserves. Go swimming. So many things..

Not everybody has that. And I feel lucky that I did.


Thank you to all of you who have cared enough to leave comments. I am just having a hard time right now, and I am trying to get back to where I can visit again. I have had so many things I have had to do. I am praying my life will get easier. Sending you all love..

~ Nita~

Tonight's Song, 10,000 Miles by Mary Chappin Carpenter

If you have a chance to listen to this song please do. It is so beautiful. It is the 1st video, 1st clip