Friday, July 10, 2009

I miss him so much..I miss his hands, his face, his lips upon my lips.

I miss his presence so deeply. It seems the pain only gets worse with each day. I feel like a Shell of my former self.

I don't know how to get over losing him.

He was my world.

It hurts so much I can hardly stand it. It seems like each day blends into the next without him here.

Some days, I know this sounds stupid, I go sit on the bench in the front yard and wait for his car to pull up at 4:oo pm ..stupid me. I know he won't pull up. He is dead.

I am so mad at him for dying. . He kept me on track..He kept my heart safe.



Sandi McBride said...

You'll never forget him, but he'll occupy a safer place in your heart when you finally move on with life, Nita dear...I pray that you will be able to do that soon.

Mimi said...

nothing any one can say will make the hurt go away...but know that we are praying for you and send you our love...
How is your health holding up since your surgery...I pray for both you and Elizabeth's health...

Laurie in Ca. said...

Oh Sweetie,

I just can't imagine the pain you are in when these moments take over. It is not stupid to sit and wait. When Corky was out of country working for 14 months, I did the same thing at times in the evenings. I knew he wouldn't be coming, but the familiar feeling got me through. And he did come back. I don't know how you will do it, but somehow you will my sweet friend. And I am here for you and praying you through. You won't ever stop missing him Nita. I just hope and pray for the pain to lessen for you. I understand you being mad at him for dying too. It was way too soon, and the accident was way too senseless. I love you girl.

Love and Extra Hugs, Laurie

Patti said...

Nita the anger you are feeling is normal. I can't imagine the pain you feel everyday. Waves of panic that he is not here and not coming back.

Nita you are strong and you are going to be okay. Keep busy so your mind won't have time to miss him. It is okay to miss him he was a BIG part of everyday routine and sitting waiting for him is okay it is not stupid.

I still pray every night for your heart to heal Nita. You are a wonderful person and God has a plan for you. Watch for it sweetheart.

I hope you neice is doing okay now. Poor thing, what a scary ordeal to have to go through.

Hugs and much love my friend
Always here for you Nita

Nita Jo said...

Feeling the pain and the anger is part of the healing process. If you try to push them down into the darkness, you will have to deal with them later on.

I will keep praying that your journey of healing brings you to a place of peace, even as you remember what you have lost. Remembering is important because he was so loved by you.

Nita Jo

Dena ~ swaddlecottage said...

Oh Sweetie, I wish there was something I could say to ease your pain. Please know that I am thinking of you and keeping you close in my prayers.


PixieDust said...

Wishing I was there with you, you could tell me all about John, you could show me where you two sat together under the stars, and you could cry until no more tears could surface...

Love you,

kimberly said...

as you know, nita....i can't even begin to know this pain and what you feel......but i do pray that it gets to where it does not hurt and make your heart ache so each day...that you will find comfort and that the love you shared will find a way to bring peace in your heart.

whitey said...

But in that 1 year 5 months and 14days you have had more to deal with than just losing him. You have had many trials along the way. But what has amazed me is your will to go on and to reach out to others. For me it has taken 2 years to finally come out of the fog after my Dad's death , time Nita, you need time.

A bird in the hand said...

I still get mad at him, but in a loving way because it's been much longer for me. The other day I almost broke down because I thought of all that would have and could have been, and how safe I always felt with him, but then I said a prayer and carried to you, my Nita. xoxo

Miss jane said...



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I love beauty, whether it is in nature, literature or art. And I love music... My day feels incomplete if I haven't had a chance to listen to some good music.. I also love beautiful souls, and kind hearts.


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“To love means loving the unlovable. To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable. Faith means believing the unbelievable. Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless.”
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