I have moments of great joy and moments of great sorrow.

I just try to appreciate the moments of happiness the most. Because sometimes those are the most fleeting.

I took this self portrait today. You can see the mark from my glasses on my nose. I love those glasses, but have you ever noticed , what we love most leaves the deepest mark?

Hope you guys have a great day......love nita <3

this song really speaks to me..i hope you have a chance to listen to it. i love the expressions on the faces of the people in the audience. They are remembering too, what it felt like to be little..


Been thinking all night.

I have been worn down for a long time.

And what is going on with Elizabeth has worn me down further. We still can't get her into the specialist until October. I don't write about it because I have done everything in my power to change it. And I feel it futile. But the guy who is going to see her is so backed up that we can't get in until then.

She is still in pain and sleeps alot. I feel torn up. Helpless. I am not asking for advice. Just for someone to listen.

The anniversary of John's accident is coming up too. August 15.. I have been falling apart over that. It doesn't seem possible that it has been 2 years. I am trying so hard to be better..Why is it so hard? I miss talking to him so much. I miss my best friend. More than anything we were friends. Lovers and friends. But I knew in my heart if all that remained we would still be friends.



I just don't have anything to give right now but my thoughts. I am sorry. Sorry for being so broken.

Nita

I have had people try to break me because I have a light inside of me. It burns bright. They hate that light because it makes them feel something they haven't felt in years...alive. But what they don't realize is that I am already broken.

I have been broken my whole life. Broken by so many things. By Mom and Dad. Though I love them. Broken by men. Broken by circumstances. Broke by life.

But the difference in me, is that I love myself. I like me. There are days I hate myself, like everybody else. But for the most part..I don't.

And I am not afraid to be myself. I don't have to be a bunch of different people. I don't have to be one person for this person, another person for that person. I am ME for everyone.

And when you give what is in your heart, it can't be stolen.

Nita

I am 43 and he has been gone since I was 41. Gone from this house. Gone from our bed. He has been dead for a year and and 5 months, and 14 days. I don't forget him ever.

He is ingrained in me like sand on a seashore. I am working through this. I don't ask for sympathy just tolerance. It is hard to lose someone you have loved since you were 15.

I do feel weak right now. But, I have also felt God's grace cover me. Felt his peace in my darkest hour. I am sorry to have shut down. But sometimes I feel so weak that I feel like I have nothing to share, nothing to give that would benefit anyone. I tend to run when it all gets too much.

Sending you all love and asking your forgiveness, Nita