That Summer he let the grass grow up to the sky after she left him. Mr. Robbins, that is.

She left because they were conflicted over her grown children. They wanted to run their Mom, and he thought they were too old to be doing that. So she left, because with her, the children came first even if they were grown.

He still mowed the grass around the house but barely. The perimeter of his property looked like, how I imagined a prairie of long ago would look. We lived just a block away from him and I had to walk past his yard to get home. We were so close to the country the authorities didn't raise a fuss over the grass being that tall.

But it chilled me to the bone thinking about what was in that grass. It looked primitive..He had always grown sunflowers in that area and some had re-seeded themselves. Big blackbirds rested on the enormous stems and carelessly ate to their hearts content. While warily eying everyone who walked past.

I would see him almost everyday sitting in his lawn chair looking at that grass. It was weird. He would sit right next to the lawn mower like he was getting ready to mow . But then he would just sit and stare at the grass instead.

You could see that he missed her. Just in the way he walked and dressed.

Then one day I saw him smile for the first time since she had left. He was sitting in his lawn chair watching the grass. I saw it too..It was a fox carrying her babies one at a time to a new home. After that I wasn't afraid of the grass anymore. The monsters that had lurked there all disappeared.

~Nita~

Tonight's song, Stupid Boy by Keith Urban
1st video, 1st clip

The Redemption of Ruby Shane (part 9)

"Within sorrow is grace. When we come close to those things that breaks us down. We touch those things that also break us open, and in that breaking us open, we uncover our true Nature."

Wayne Muller
author, therapist, minister


It was a sad relief that Daddy was dead. We no longer had to be terrorized by him, but his blood was on my hands.

It is a terrible thing to live in fear. To know that the slightest action can cause you to be slapped or punched or beaten down.
And that was what it was like with him. Constant fear of being hurt or him hurting Momma.

I had a kaleidoscope when I was little and when I lifted it up to the sun showers of pink, blue, green, purple, orange and yellow lights filled my eye. It was a special present from my Grandma on Momma's side. The outside of the Kaleidoscope was made from abalone shell, and it had tiny carvings of whales and ocean animals on the sides of it.

I hid it under my bed in an old shoe box, and when things made me sad I took it and looked through it. Like when Daddy was yelling at Momma.

Funny how we think of such things at odd moments.
Daddy's blood had congealed around his head, and the Sheriff was asking us how this thing had happened. Momma was explaining quietly in the corner and he was patting her arm as she talked.

I still couldn't quit crying. No matter what, he had been my Daddy and I had killed him, even though I was protecting Momma.

The Sheriff walked up to me and looked me over and pulled out a big white handkerchief from his pocket and held it out to me.

"Go on take it, it's clean." He said gruffly.

I took it in my hands and wiped my face with it and self-consciously blew my nose.

He looked at me again and grinned, "You can keep that."

Then with seriousness he said. "Ruby, Your Momma told me what happened, and by looking at her I know she is telling the truth. I have been called out her before because of your Daddy . I know what you did was to save her from getting killed. Hell, it looks like he almost did kill her." He winced as he looked at Momma's swollen face, her whole head had swollen to the size of a basketball. And bloodstains covered the front of her torn blouse from her broken nose.

"There may be an inquest but I doubt it, we all knew your Daddy and what he was capable of. Ruby you and your Momma are free. I have an ambulance to take you all over to the hospital for your Momma to get checked out. "

"Thank you Sheriff." I took Momma's hand and led her to the ambulance. We had a chance to start over somewhere. Somewhere where no one knew us. Somewhere where they couldn't judge us by our past. Just as we were getting in the ambulance Thomas showed up. He rushed up and put his arms around me. "Ruby you are going to be alright. I am here for you and your Momma, and we are all going to be OK. I am going to follow you to the hospital." Thomas got into his truck.

And at that moment I knew my old life was behind me.

My heart would heal. Tragedy was behind me. I would no longer be haunted by sadness and despair. I would make my life a good life. And me and Momma and Thomas would look after each other.

The End

Story by Nita Barrow- Zimmerman

Has anyone ever disregarded your feelings?

Told you, that the way you thought about a situation was wrong, even when you knew in your heart you were right?

When you know in your heart, without a shadow of a doubt, you are right about something stand your ground. Don't collapse like the fabric on a lawn chair that has spent the Summer outside getting weaker everyday.

Your opinion is important....

Your opinion counts....

You are important...

And your thoughts matter...

Stand up for yourself because no one else will.

I found this great scripture when I was reading this morning and wanted to share it with you. It goes with this post perfectly. I think it is very powerful.

2 Corinthians 10:7
The trouble with you is that you look at me and I seem weak and powerless, but you don't look beneath the surface. Yet if anyone can claim the power and authority of Christ, I certainly can.

~Nita~

Today's song, I Can Only Imagine by Mercy Me
1st video, 1st clip
This is such a beautiful song, if you have a chance please listen to it...

....Forgive Yourself...

I have a dear friend who told me every time she drove past this building in town she saw the words, Forgive Yourself. Very important words that someone had spray painted on the wall facing the street.
She said she always broke down crying every time she saw those words, because she felt bad about the stuff she had done in the past.
But, she felt like it was a sign from God to forgive herself. She asked me if I thought that was possible that God gave us signs. I told her that of course I thought it was possible.

I think God gives us signs every single day if we look for them. Be encouraged tonight dear hearts for God does not forget us in our suffering..There is hope all around us. God is a God of Infinite Mercy who always treats us better than we deserve.

~Nita~

Tonight's song, Hold On by Daniel Doss Band
1st video
Please listen to this if you have a chance..

The trees in his yard looked like something straight out of a fairy tale. Gnarled branches that were bent and twisted in odd and different shapes. Bushes that he had sculpted into triangles and squares and round concoctions. I always walked to school and went past his house every morning. Sometimes on grey and foggy mornings I imagined I was in the forest. And my heart beat faster at what imaginary thing I might met in his yard. I slipped in and out of the trees and bushes with ease, always aware I could get caught and get scolded. But I had to do it anyhow..

I was fascinated with his yard because of the uniqueness of it . There was a nest of rabbits in the hollow stump of an old oak tree by his shed. It was covered with moss and I could see the Momma bunny running back and forth in the yard looking for food. Then one day I saw the baby bunnies come out. They hopped across the lawn with new feet and wondering eyes.

I was enchanted. I never got close to them because I didn't want to scare them. But everyday I would catch small glimpses of them on the lawn trying to find their way in the world.



The old man's house was clad in brown shingles. And sometimes I saw him peak out from behind the threadbare curtain that hung listlessly at his window.

I had heard his wife had passed many years before and after that he had become a recluse. I often wondered if he had children..If he had friends..
But I never found out. We moved after my 4Th grade year and I never walked that way again. But I did drive by there the other day.

His beautiful bushes were gone.. The trees cut down. But the stump was still there. And I think I saw a Momma rabbit hopping across the lawn.

~Nita~