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Saturday, October 27, 2007

It was a long night last night. Fridays are always the worst for being lonley. I had went to visit John yesterday, and he is doing better, but the news is, that he will be in this hospital 6 more months, instead of 5 weeks. He was supposed to be moved into a rehab in 5 weeks. Now ....
I drove home in the rain last night and thought about all of it. I miss him so much, we use to go to the show together and go for long drives and he would humor me in all my oddities. If he saw abandoned birds nests he would bring them home for me. One time at work he found a rock in the shape of a heart, he put it in his pocket, and when he got home he said look in my pocket would you? I thought he was just being pervie, but I humored him. Then I found the rock. He said your heart is never far from me I carry it around in my pocket.

Our life has never been easy. In fact there were many times I wanted to leave him for things he did that broke my heart. But I guess the point is, I have always loved him, even through the bad times, and there have been plenty of bad times.

But you never realize what it is like being alone until you are.

There are 2 songs that are my favorite songs right now. One is, Half Acre By Hem. The other is Nothing Left To Lose by Matt Kearney
If you get a chance to listen to them do it because they are awesome.

There is also a song that Hem does called The Beautiful Sea that is wonderful, her voice reminds me so much of Sarah Mclachlan.

I am carrying this scrap of paper....

14 comments:

Bobbie said...

I'm sorry that John has to stay there longer. God bless and grant him good health and make this hospital stay go by faster. You know, that is what makes a marriage; staying together through thick and thin. No one has day after day of bliss, we all have our ups and downs. God bless you and keep you strong and grant you courage.

red tin heart said...

bobbie: thank you. i pray God will heal his body supernaturally fast. xoxo nita

Amy Wagner said...

Nita,
I am glad you are able to see the chance for a new kind of relationship in your marriage with John. He needs you as much as you need him.
Amy

red tin heart said...

Amy: He Misses me as much as I miss him too. We talk on the phone about 4 times a day. He does need me, more now than ever... xoxo Nita

Fiona said...

That must be so hard to accept - six months is a long time in some ways, yet so short in others. Keep as positive as possible under the circumstances. They are lots of us here for you both.

Fiona said...

Me again, this time more light hearted.....It's nearly 9pm and I have to get the boy to bed soon
SOOOOOOOOO........


BOO!
TRick or treat,
smell my feet,
give me something
good to eat!"

See my calling card on my blog!

Vickie said...

Sorry to hear John has to stay longer Nita. Big hugs to both of you!

Jeanne said...

I'm sorry the news wasn't better for John. I know how difficult this must be for you. I have two friends who also struggle with being alone and say that night time is the worst. Hang in there -there is a light at the end of this long tunnel.

Robin~Thrifty Miss Priss said...

Hi Nita,
I'm sorry to hear about the six month stay. I know it will be an adjustment for you, but I know you'll both realize this has brought you so much closer. Every day is not wedded bliss for any couple. It's give and take.....now that you've already had struggles (who hasn't?) it has made you stronger for this one. Thinking of you lots today, as I finished my Aprons to send off to Carolyn for the silent auction for John's Trivia Night! I'll post pictures soon!
xxoo
Robin

Beverley said...

Sorry to hear about the stay. Glad that you are able to find some measure of comfort from the music you listen to. You seem to know quite a lot about it!

regina barnett said...

sorry about your disappointment of longer hospital stay. God knows what he is doing. just hang in there. and be strong. God is on ya'll side. Even when sometimes it doesn't feel that way. God bless.

Mary said...

That is sad news, Nita. I'm sure you were counting the days for him to be home, no you need to count months. I hope his extended stay will be worth it with good results! I'm sure he is counting the days and months, too.

Bethany said...

This post is so honest it catches me right in my heart....I so understand your feelings of missing John yet the mix of emotions cannot be helped. I know the memories of the bad times are still there but hang on to those "heart in the pocket" moments...don't let go of those precious times. I pray the Lord will carry you both through till the many months of John's additional therapy are completed.
xxxooo

red tin heart said...

Bethany: the heart in the pocket is what gets me to this day. i am so happy you picked that out of everything. i want to be honest, because i always hope that if someone who is going through something similiar, it may soothe their troubled heart to know someone else is suffering too. xoxo nita

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I love beauty, whether it is in nature, literature or art. And I love music... My day feels incomplete if I haven't had a chance to listen to some good music.. I also love beautiful souls, and kind hearts.

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“To love means loving the unlovable. To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable. Faith means believing the unbelievable. Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless.”
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