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Saturday, February 9, 2008

Life goes so fast... One minute John and I were making plans for a new home. Then I was making plans for his funeral. I picked out all of his favorite songs and we burned them on a disk to play at the visitation and for the funeral.
My children and I sat and picked out all of our favorite pictures of him and us we had it made in a slideshow to play along with the music we had for John. We had 150 photos picked out. Elizabeth stayed up to 4:00 a.m. scanning them.
I put him in his Levi's and a John Deere shirt. He would have loved that.
That was John. He was not about suits. He would have haunted me if I would have put a suit on him.
He actually had a smile on his face. A little smile... I can't quit crying.
It is so lonley without him.
I dreamed about him last night.. He put his arms around me and showed me where he was staying in Heaven. He was by a little pond in a camper. He had a little bon fire by the pond. I know that sounds funny, but that is what we always wanted. A little pop up camper to go camping with.
He said , "Honey I am good. I am happy."
I said, " But I miss you so much." He put his arms around me and I woke up.

I have wandered around in shock. It does not seem real yet.
~Nita~

song, Fall by Clay Walker
This was John ..

49 comments:

BriteCloud said...

I'm checking on you everyday, just wanted you to know that I care.

Rhonda

PLO said...

It is so nice that John came to you in your dreams, to let you know he was ok. I am still keeping you in my prayers.

Laurie said...

Nita,

I love the levis and John Deere shirt. You did him proud sweet friend. And through your shock and pain right now, hold on to that beautiful dream you were given last night. Some people wait a lifetime to get one. I think about you all of the time and am lifting your broken heart to the Lord for Him to keep safe for you. If you need anything, please reach out Nita. So many are here for you, I know I am.

Love and Prayers,
Laurie in Ca.

Heather ~ Pretty Petals said...

Hello Nita,

I am just so so so sorry to hear the news of your sweet husband. My prayers are with you in these days ahead. I think it is SO wonderful that he came to you in your dreams!

Hugs to you, Heather

Angie in AZ said...

Nita,
I just read about your loss on Maija's blog. I'm so sorry for your pain and loss. I'm so thankful we have a God who promised to never leave us. HIS presence is the greatest gift so cling hard. My prayers are with you and your family.

Louise said...

Wanted you to know I care. May God give peace and comfort and the blessed knowledge that while John can't come back to you, you WILL be able to go to him one day.
As Christians we have that blessed hope.
May you rest and find all that you need in Christ.

amanda said...

What a beautiful dream. And to have his arms around you for a moment...
amanda

PixieDust said...

I'm relieved that he has come to you in your dreams... bittersweet I know, mi Amor, for him also... but you still have his heart...

Thinking of you everyday,
Praying for you everyday,
Sending you love and sweet thoughts always...

(((HUGS))),
Love,
Me

Bethany said...

Oh Nita...I'm so sorry that you are hurting soo much. I wish I could do something to help you through this awful pain :(
The photo dedication you and Elizabeth made and the way you dressed him are so truly wonderful....the love you had is something that a lot of people in this world never even have for a moment. The dream you had shows that that love is not gone because John is no longer here...you have that love alive in your heart and will hold it until the day the Lord re-unites you both.
Sending lots of love and prayers xxoo

Jill said...

Oh Nita...
I wish I had words to comfort you during this difficult time. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. How wonderful that you honored John's life by thinking of what he would have wanted. And what a blessing for him to visit you in your dreams. He must have needed to tell you he was fine now. Bless your heart.
All my love and prayers.
xoxo
Jill

Just Joni said...

Cherish your dreams and the time spent with your family...be there for each other, remember the good times and let the healing begin. It sounds like John was the type of guy who would want it that way.

Hugs to you my friend,
Joni

shabby chic said...

Hi Nita,
I can imagine it must be hard .When you lose someone and the way in which you love them, and the way in which they are a central part of your life. To not have them physically there or those chats it must be hard. But he is there with you and you are a lovely hearted person who has the ability to hold him with you always.
It is great that you write your feelings down, i know they say journalling is good and you have this online bloggy one and this must help , and its extra good that your feelings you write down you are sharing and not keeping them held in making your heartache even more than it does at this moment. Dont worry about not stopping crying yet, just go with how you feel,because nothing can change the way you feel at the moment .
Thinking of you Nita xx

Mimi said...

hold that dream close to your heart..and remind yourself that he is happy and he is with God...saving a place just for you!!
praying for you to find a level of peace...
Mimi

My Treasure Barn said...

Hi Nita

Jeans and a John Deere shirt huh? You are such a good wife. So good he came to you in dream to let you know that he is in a peaceful place and that he loves you. You will keep John's memory alive and that will be with you everyday.

How very hard it must have been for Elizabeth to look at all those pictures of her daddy. What tribute it must have been. How is she holding up?

I think of you everyday and I pray every night . You know myself as well as many many others are here for you Nita.

God Bless You my friend
xoxoxoxo
Patti

Lee W. said...

What a gift your dream was. He is teeling you he is OK, and that you will be too. I know you miss him, you always will. Love doesn't end, it just changes form.

hugs- Lee

Kate said...

Hi Nita,
I just stumbled onto your blog for the first time today, from another blog. I have to tell you how very sorry I am for your loss. I know your heart is broken and will be for a long time, but that dream was a gift from the Lord that I hope you will hold on to forever.
Hugs

Thrifty Miss Priss said...

Hi Nita,
Just doing my daily check in on you....reading all the comments....these women and their words are so comforting...I don't know how raw the pain is for you, I can only try to imagine. Just go with it and let it out....continue to write...even if it hurts...this is your avenue for remembering, venting, rejoicing...what ever strikes you. Never let what you feel get burried to deep.
I'm so happy to hear John came to you in a dream.....like someone else said, lots of people wait for a lifetime for a little message and a knock knock on the door to your heart.....I know you'll treasure the dream forever....
Keeping you and your family in my daily thoughts and prayers...
xxoo
Robin

SweetAnnee said...

I check on you daily also Nita.
I am so glad John came to you
to tell you he is good.. and I hope
you and your family will find the
peace of Christ on this long journey
of grief and healing ahead.

John is home ..a perfect body , dancing
with our Father God.

love you dear!!
deena

Cory said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nonnie said...

i love what deena had to say....perfect body....dancing...you are in my thoughts and prayers, nita....
kimberly

Donna said...

He Is happy now...So glad he visited you! It Helps!!! My love to you sweetie!!! hughugs

fireflynights said...

This is my first visit to your blog and I know it won't be my last. I'll save my comments about how much I relate to much of what you write until sometime later. For now, let me just say how sorry I am for your loss. I also understand how frustrating it can be to deal with hospitals and nursing homes and rehab facilities. My mother spent the last five years of her life in a nursing home, minus the 13 hospital visits that totalled six months of that time.

From what I can see you have many friends standing by you at this troubled time. You sound like a kind and loving person and I'm sorry that you have had so much tragedy in your life.

The only thing that I can offer is the thought that time will heal and memories remain.

Amy Wagner said...

What a wonderful dream you had.
I'm thinking of you Nita!!

Amy

red tin heart said...

Britecloud: Thank you for checking on me. It is so appreciated. love nita

red tin heart said...

Plo: Thank you for keeping us in your prayers. xoxo nita

red tin heart said...

Laurie from California: I am glad I did what he would have wanted. He loved Jeans and John Deere shirts. xoxo nita

red tin heart said...

Heather: I am so glad he came to me.. xoxo nita

red tin heart said...

Angie in AZ: God is our greatest gift.. I am so happy I am so happy to have Him to lean on. xoxo nita

red tin heart said...

Louise: Thank you for caring. That means alot right there. love nita

red tin heart said...

Amanda: It was good knowing he was happy, but bittersweet at the same time. I wanted to stay with him. xoxo nita

red tin heart said...

Pixie: Thank you for your prayers, thoughts, and love... love nita

red tin heart said...

Bethany: Have you ever seen the movie with Keven Costner? I think it is called Dragonfly? xoxo nita
p.s. thank you for your words of comfort.

red tin heart said...

Joni: He was that kind of person. He would want the good to prevail. xoxo nita

red tin heart said...

Dominique: Thank you for your kindness and love. xoxo nita

red tin heart said...

Jill: Thank you. Your words mean alot. xoxo nita

red tin heart said...

MiMi: I do believe he is saving a place for me. Thank you.. xoxo nita

red tin heart said...

Patti: Thank you... love you. xoxo nita

red tin heart said...

Lee: So true.. Love just changes forms, great thought.. love nita

red tin heart said...

Kate: Thank you.. xoxo nita

red tin heart said...

Robin: It has been comforting reading all the comments. And thank you friend for being there. love nita

red tin heart said...

Deena: I am happy that he has a perfect body again. That he will not be sad over being in a wheel chair. love nita

red tin heart said...

Nonnie: I agree.. He is happy now. No more sorrow over his condition. He did try very hard to be happy even in the condition he was in. xoxo nita

red tin heart said...

Donna: I am glad he visited me too... xoxo nita

red tin heart said...

fireflynights: sounds like you have been through alot yourself. Thank you for words of comfort. xoxo nita

red tin heart said...

Amy: Thank you for thinking of me. And thank you for your prayers. xoxo nita

Anonymous said...

What a great love - that is proof through your dream. Keep being open to the communication and he will show you he is still with you, just on a different level.

I urge you to write down all the signs and dreams that you experience - you'll be glad that you did!

My late husband has visited me though dreams and other little signs - like your blackbirds. I wrote everything down, and now three years later when I read what I wrote I again feel comfort and peace.

Hang in there!

Kelly

kecia said...

what a sweet dream - was it a message for you to bring comfort? i think it was. i know you are lonely and sad - please know so many people are thinking of you.
xoxo kEcIa

red tin heart said...

Kelly: I will take your advice and write it all down. Thank you for your kind comments. love nita

red tin heart said...

Kecia: Thank you. I hope it does comfort others to know God allows us to see our loved ones after they have passed. xoxo nita

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I love beauty, whether it is in nature, literature or art. And I love music... My day feels incomplete if I haven't had a chance to listen to some good music.. I also love beautiful souls, and kind hearts.

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“To love means loving the unlovable. To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable. Faith means believing the unbelievable. Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless.”
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