Red Tin Heart..: Moments..

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Moments..

Today has been one week since John has been gone. I am still in shock. It just seems so unreal.
Mom called me while ago and told me to go outside because there were so many birds she could not believe it. I bundled up and went outside. I did not want to. I have stayed in my pajamas all day and not even cared.
I walked out and there had to be 1,000 Blackbirds. I am not kidding. They were everywhere.
I took some pictures and I will try to put some on tommorow. I always told John Blackbirds were one of my favorite birds. He asked me why Blackbirds. I told him someone needed to love them.
Alot of people here do not like them and consider them a pest.
He told me I had a good heart for loving them .
I miss him...
There is a song called, Moments by Emerson Drive that he and I both loved. I heard it last night and just thought of him.

He was loved...

song, Moments by Emerson Drive
second clip

51 comments:

paige said...: i am so very sorry for your loss. its sounds like john has had such a hard year but yet his spirit glows in each of the pictures you have posted. he surely was a special man.
i too lost my husband. i was 30--11 years ago. my girls were all very young. sometimes i look back on those days & they are such a blur.
let those around you love on you & help you. try to find something beautiful each day, like you did today with the blackbirds, & hold tight to that beauty. it will help keep hope alive in your heart.
xo; February 10, 2008 at 4:52 PM
Laurie in Ca. said...: Thinking about you today and praying for you Nita. I loved reading about the blackbirds. We have a lot of pine trees in the neighborhood and they hang out in gangs. They are characters. My heart really goes out to you Nita, I can't even begin to imagine how much you miss John. I've been reading with you for a while now and I did not see this coming, I really did not. And I am so sorry friend that it happened to you. I wish I could help but all I can do is pray and I do this each day for you. You have a beautiful heart and it will be your guide through this time.

Love you, Laurie in Ca.; February 10, 2008 at 5:24 PM
Anonymous said...: that song inspired me to write this for my Dad,,I am not writer or even pretend to be this just came from my heart, I am so sorry for your loss.

Last Moments

What were you thinking at the last moments of your life,
did you know it was over or did you think you would be alright?

With your family gathered around you
did you feel comfort with us there?
Could you hear the memories spoken
of a man we held so dear?

I held your hand so tightly
at that last moment of your life.
Did your Mother come and take your hand from mine?
I wish I could have seen her take you from my side.
I wish I could have seen you walk together
one more time
with the early morning sun
to light your way back home.

Why did I forget to tell you I loved you in that last moment of your life?
It happened so quickly
I thought I had the time.

I wish you could have told me that you knew your time had come
Then maybe it wouldn’t be so hard
to let you go.

Mom told you that she loved you
And you responded back.
How my heart was aching,
life would never be the same.

What were you thinking those last moments of your life?
Did you think about the love you and Mom
shared for so many years?
Did you remember about the times when you were a child?
Or life as a Father of your four girls?

I wish I knew that you were at peace at that last moment of your life
Maybe then my tears would cease.

When my time comes at those last moments of my life
Will you come and get me with Mom by your side?; February 10, 2008 at 5:31 PM
Irene said...: I takes a good year of mourning to get over the worst of it. I know, because I lost my son to cancer and it really does take a year to be able to let go. Your grief does diminish with time, though, and it will not always be this intense. Time is a healer and the wounds become scars and stop hurting. You hang in there and do all the grieving you need to do, but remember that you will one day let go of it and pick up your life again and move on. Just not yet.; February 10, 2008 at 5:42 PM
Robin said...: Nita,
You stay in your PJ's as long as you want to and need to. I'm glad you had the moment with the blackbirds. It seems that every little thing will remind you of John, that will keep his memory alive for you. I read this on your sidebar and wanted to remind you:

The Lord will work out His plans for my life- for His faithful love endures forever.

xxoo
Robin; February 10, 2008 at 6:09 PM
Anonymous said...: I am so sorry, Nita. I am thinking about you.

hugs,

Kate; February 10, 2008 at 6:27 PM
Amy said...: Before my Mom died she told me she would fly to heaven on the wings of an ordianry every day bird.
Amy; February 10, 2008 at 6:34 PM
pchickki said...: Sounds like the blackbirds are another gift from John just as the dream you had about him.

Memories are wonderful...they NEVER die.

Thinking of you everyday.

Pajama's are good!
Love Ya
Patti; February 10, 2008 at 7:10 PM
Joni said...: thank goodness for moms, blackbirds, and the millions of little things that we overlook everyday...can't wait to see your pictures...and so happy that you took time out to take them. Nature has a way of delivering hope to our doorsteps...it's just a matter of taking time out to notice.

Hugs to you~
Joni; February 10, 2008 at 7:24 PM
BriteCloud said...: I remember that you and I talked once before about the blackbirds. I mentioned how they look like little black stones falling slowly to the ground when they fly off the telephone wires. I think they are lovely and unpretentious. Just like you and John. It seems so appropriate to me.

Still keeping you in my heart and prayers.

Rhonda; February 10, 2008 at 8:07 PM
Anonymous said...: Dear Nita:

You & Elizabeth are never far from my thoughts these days. I have added you to some prayer lists to which I belong.

Nita: I think it is so awesome that John paid a visit to your dreams. I don't doubt for a nano-second that it was real. Please take great comfort from his message. He knows you are missing him but he also knows that the time until you are reunited will pass in the twinkling of an eye.

I am so glad all is good for him and that he feels at peace. It is a powerful testimony to your strong love and faith that he was able to cross over so quickly.

I cried big tears when I read how this man gave you your first ever birthday party and Easter dinner. He must have done wonders in helping to erase the sadness of your childhood.

Praying for peace, comfort & blessings,
love,
kathy (NL); February 10, 2008 at 8:16 PM
~Red Tin Heart~ said...: Thank you to everyone who has left me comments. You don't know how much it has helped me through this past week. It has made me feel very loved.

Kathy from (nl) please e-mail me if you want my address because I remember you asking me for it. I will e-mail you back with it. And thanks for your kind comments they have comforted me greatly. Love nita; February 10, 2008 at 8:51 PM
~Red Tin Heart~ said...: Paige: Thank you. It is a blur right now. I am sorry to hear of your loss, did you raise your girls alone?
I will try to find something beautiful everyday because John would have wanted me too. He was that way.. Love nita; February 10, 2008 at 8:54 PM
~Red Tin Heart~ said...: Laurie in California: I did not see this coming either.. It was so fast. He seemed to be doing so much better. Thanks for your words dear heart. love nita; February 10, 2008 at 8:55 PM
~Red Tin Heart~ said...: Anonymous: You wrote a wonderful poem for your Father. I am sure he will be there for you when the Father takes you home, he and your Mother. sincerely, Nita; February 10, 2008 at 8:57 PM
~Red Tin Heart~ said...: Irene: I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your son. It is a hard thing to lose those we love. Thank you dear for your words. love nita; February 10, 2008 at 8:59 PM
~Red Tin Heart~ said...: Dearest Robin, you are truly a blessing. Thank you friend for your comforting words. Thank you.. love nita; February 10, 2008 at 8:59 PM
~Red Tin Heart~ said...: Kate: Thank you.. love nita; February 10, 2008 at 9:00 PM
~Red Tin Heart~ said...: Amy: That is a wonderful.. love nita; February 10, 2008 at 9:01 PM
~Red Tin Heart~ said...: Patti: I know those Blackbirds were a gift. It was just so neat..
I immediately thought of John. Thanks for being there dear Patti.. love nita; February 10, 2008 at 9:02 PM
~Red Tin Heart~ said...: Joni: I love that you wrote, "Nature has a way of delivering hope to our doorsteps." Wonderful... Thank you sweetie for your kindness. It is much appreciated. love nita; February 10, 2008 at 9:04 PM
~Red Tin Heart~ said...: Rhonda: What a wonderful thing to say.. Thank you so much. You have a kind heart, I can tell that. love nita; February 10, 2008 at 9:06 PM
Laura said...: Nita, Sending more hugs, sending more thoughts. These days will be tough, just know that you are not alone. Not ever. It doesn't make up for much, but it's true. Big hugs.; February 10, 2008 at 9:31 PM
Anonymous said...: Checking in on you, Nita. And maybe all of the blackbirds were doing the same - letting you know that they still need your "good heart for loving them".
Strength to you and love.
Donna; February 10, 2008 at 11:15 PM
Mimi said...: all the beauty you see in the earth.. will remind you of John (something he said, something he did, a way he looked)...and this is wonderful... it will keep him alive in your heart...
just remember to share it with Elizabeth...so you can grieve..and heal together...
Keeping you in my prayers,
Mimi; February 11, 2008 at 2:29 AM
Donna said...: What a wonderful gift John sent you!! He's letting you know that he's happy...how wonderful for you! I didn't get a sign from my Mother for almost 3 yrs after she crossed over. Much love to you sweetie and a whole lotta hugs!!!; February 11, 2008 at 5:29 AM
Simply Shelley said...: Hello Dear Nita, know you are loved and cared for. My heart is so sad for you and your family. I pray God our Father brings you much comfort this week.
Thinking of you and sending up prayers, Shelley; February 11, 2008 at 6:00 AM
~Red Tin Heart~ said...: Laura: Thank you ... It means alot, not being alone. xoxo nita; February 11, 2008 at 7:59 AM
~Red Tin Heart~ said...: Donna O: Thank you.. xoxo nita; February 11, 2008 at 8:00 AM
~Red Tin Heart~ said...: Mimi: That is so true. Everything does seem to remind me of John. It is a comfort in so many ways. xoxo nita; February 11, 2008 at 8:01 AM
~Red Tin Heart~ said...: Donna: It is pretty amazing that I already dreamed of him. I feel blessed by that. Love nita; February 11, 2008 at 8:03 AM
~Red Tin Heart~ said...: Shelley: Your prayers mean everything.. I mean that. Thank you for your kindness to me. love nita; February 11, 2008 at 8:04 AM
No one is you ...& that's your power said...: Hi Nita,
I bet that was a real site to see all those blackbirds. Like a sign from John, letting you know he is there with you.
I hope you do try to get outside and maybe find a bench in a nice park with lots of trees & nature and just sit there deep in thought and taking it all in.
please Nita could you email me your address to flowerella@hotmail.co.uk
X Dominique; February 11, 2008 at 8:06 AM
Anonymous said...: "Holding you close to my heart dear friend!!" You mean so much to a whole lot of us here, "We/I love you!!"

Hugs,
Jeannene; February 11, 2008 at 8:13 AM
~Red Tin Heart~ said...: Dominique: Thank you.. It was very comforting to see them all at once. I will e-mail you. love nita; February 11, 2008 at 8:26 AM
~Red Tin Heart~ said...: Jeannnene: I love you too. Thank you for your love. xoxo nita; February 11, 2008 at 8:27 AM
Unknown said...: Thinking of you today.
(((hugs))); February 11, 2008 at 9:19 AM
PixieDust said...: I love you...

(((HUGS))),
Me; February 11, 2008 at 9:19 AM
couragetocreatewriteandlove said...: This is a tribute!
you are honoring him and I am sure it is because he honored you all he could.; February 11, 2008 at 10:18 AM
Susan @ Blackberry Creek said...: The blackbirds are flocking here too. They come over like a black cloud, but I love to watch them. Sometimes all the trees in the neighborhood are full of them.
I keep you in my thoughts and prayers, dear Nita. --Susan; February 11, 2008 at 12:00 PM
Jennifer said...: Nita,

I've been thinking of you alot since I read the awful news of John's passing.

I loved what you wrote about the blackbirds. Whenever I see a blackbird, I'm sure I'll think of you and what you are going through. It's obvious that you've touched alot of people out in blogland - look how many people have left comments for you during this hard time. You are a very special person, and I know John made sure you khow that. Take it easy, one day at a time. It's perfectly O.K. to be in your PJ's all day. Right now is the hardest time for you.

Lots of love and hugs to you.; February 11, 2008 at 2:36 PM
~Red Tin Heart~ said...: Nathalie: Thank you friend. love nita; February 11, 2008 at 3:27 PM
~Red Tin Heart~ said...: Pixie: i love you too.. xoxo nita; February 11, 2008 at 3:27 PM
~Red Tin Heart~ said...: Carmen: He really did honor me.. love nita; February 11, 2008 at 3:28 PM
~Red Tin Heart~ said...: Susan: Thank you for your prayers and thoughts. love nita; February 11, 2008 at 3:28 PM
~Red Tin Heart~ said...: Jennifer: Thank you for your kind, kind words. I felt so touched by them. love nita; February 11, 2008 at 3:29 PM
Little Blue Violet said...: You and your children re in my deepest and most heartfelt prayers.
Darly; February 11, 2008 at 3:58 PM
~Red Tin Heart~ said...: Darly: Thank you.. That means alot. love nita; February 11, 2008 at 4:03 PM
TobyBo said...: praying for you here.; February 11, 2008 at 4:09 PM
~Red Tin Heart~ said...: tobybo: Thank you.. xoxo nita; February 11, 2008 at 4:23 PM
Anonymous said...: My heart aches for you. My thoughts are with your family.

I hope you always remember how loved you were. In the end, you'll never forget how he made you feel.; February 19, 2008 at 7:47 PM