I lost my sister when I was 13 . I learned at that time to cherish every day.

I also lost a brother 8 years ago, and that made me realize how short life was as well.

When I was with John i learned to cherish every good moment, because there were dark moments. When I was with him I soaked in his features. I memorized his birthmarks. I memorized the color of his eyes, and how they would change in different settings.

I memorized his touch, his kiss..

So many times he was my comforter.
When I could not understand the hell I went through as a child, he would talk to me. He helped me to see things in bettter eyes.

My blogging friend Laura wrote how she wanted to die after her husband died. I wanted to die when John died. I just remember thinking this is not fair, you left without me.

He was the only person who ever understood me completely, now he is gone...

I heard this song a few weeks ago and just started to cry. I was driving, and I had to pull over. I just sat there for a few minutes and calmed down.

I thought about how much I loved John. Thoughts ran through my mind of him laughing at a joke he told 1,000 times. The way he looked at me when I had Elizabeth. The love in his eyes at that very moment melted my heart.
How much we had stuck together through all the trials... How we had grown as people.

song, Like You'll Never See Me Again by Alicia Keys