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Monday, December 19, 2011

George Michael - I Can't Make You Love Me



For the last 2 weeks I have been in this terrible slump. I am fighting sadness today. The pills only help so much. Smiling softly..

I feel broken in so many ways...But I am trying to get whole.

When I was in the park one day I saw this little old lady feeding the birds. I was sitting in the car smoking a cigarette and thinking..Just thinking.

She began to cry as she was feeding them. I debated on what to do. She was about 10 feet away from me..

I got out of my car and asked her if she minded if I sat by her. She hurriedly wiped her tears away with her sleeve. She told me I could.

I told her I couldn't help but notice her crying and I asked her if there was anything I could do..She smiled at me then. A smile born of brokenness and being alone in the world. And my heart broke for her.

She said, "How about talking to me for a few minutes? That would be so nice. I haven't talked to a real human for 2 weeks." And she began to cry again. I put my arm around her and we sat silently for a few minutes.

She began, "I only have my cat and my birds I feed everyday..He is good company we watch TV together. And he meows while I sing." She laughed a soft laugh.. "My family is grown and gone. And I have always been afraid to be close to people..So here I sit alone." She smiled again.

The little old lady was me in 20 years...I imagined it all. If I don't change and give people a chance.

What if I get hurt? We all get hurt. But what if something great happens and I make friends and I get out of this shell I have been in all these years? I want to..So bad. I will. I have so much to give. I will not be that little old lady in the park crying and feeding the birds with my cat for my only company.

I will try...

love Nita

p.s one reason i have been terribly sad is i lost my camera a few weeks ago..we ate out and i left it there and went back to get it and it was gone. taking photos makes me happier than almost anything..

7 comments:

A bird in the hand said...

Your awareness ensures that you will not be sitting alone in a park in 20 years :)

I think of you a lot.
xxoo

~Red Tin Heart~ said...

Thanks Colette...love nita

i am smiling..a happy smile

Vickie said...

Nita, I hope you do reach out. I don't believe you'll be that lady. My heart goes out to her. You're a wonderful woman. All you have to do is this next moment!

~Red Tin Heart~ said...

VI lie..thank you

~Red Tin Heart~ said...

I was in a slump because I found.him talking to an old lover...I just started shutting down again..I couldn't believe the.things he did ..just go put it in my face the way he did. He tried running out the. Back door.that day. It was muddy from a.rainstorm. and I.hopped out the back.door..barefooted no less. And I grabbed him. Y his.jacket. I said no..you aren't running. Bullshit. Uoi are facing this.with me...I didn't know.then..that I.was just a pawn to get his.ex. acne. The hell I went through with.him..made me sure I.will get to know anyone before I.trust them with my heart..

~Red Tin Heart~ said...

Back ..stupid phone

~Red Tin Heart~ said...

Sorry for misspellings..phone..I want the big computer back. It is hell working with just this

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About Me

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I love beauty, whether it is in nature, literature or art. And I love music... My day feels incomplete if I haven't had a chance to listen to some good music.. I also love beautiful souls, and kind hearts.

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“To love means loving the unlovable. To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable. Faith means believing the unbelievable. Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless.”
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