George Michael - I Can't Make You Love Me

For the last 2 weeks I have been in this terrible slump. I am fighting sadness today. The pills only help so much. Smiling softly..

I feel broken in so many ways...But I am trying to get whole.

When I was in the park one day I saw this little old lady feeding the birds. I was sitting in the car smoking a cigarette and thinking..Just thinking.

She began to cry as she was feeding them. I debated on what to do. She was about 10 feet away from me..

I got out of my car and asked her if she minded if I sat by her. She hurriedly wiped her tears away with her sleeve. She told me I could.

I told her I couldn't help but notice her crying and I asked her if there was anything I could do..She smiled at me then. A smile born of brokenness and being alone in the world. And my heart broke for her.

She said, "How about talking to me for a few minutes? That would be so nice. I haven't talked to a real human for 2 weeks." And she began to cry again. I put my arm around her and we sat silently for a few minutes.

She began, "I only have my cat and my birds I feed everyday..He is good company we watch TV together. And he meows while I sing." She laughed a soft laugh.. "My family is grown and gone. And I have always been afraid to be close to people..So here I sit alone." She smiled again.

The little old lady was me in 20 years...I imagined it all. If I don't change and give people a chance.

What if I get hurt? We all get hurt. But what if something great happens and I make friends and I get out of this shell I have been in all these years? I want to..So bad. I will. I have so much to give. I will not be that little old lady in the park crying and feeding the birds with my cat for my only company.

I will try...

love Nita

p.s one reason i have been terribly sad is i lost my camera a few weeks ago..we ate out and i left it there and went back to get it and it was gone. taking photos makes me happier than almost anything..