I saw the Red Bud tree in the park as I drove past to go to my favorite spot to bird watch. I looked at it and was amazed at its beauty .

I had drove past that tree many times over the years, never really looking at it thoroughly. But the other day I stopped to look at it.


A huge limb was broken off . And it had a crack that ran down the side of it.

At the base of the trunk it had a huge hollow spot with a hole in it. You could see through the hole to the other side.



Yet, the tree was blooming.

She was broken, cracked and even hollow. Yet she was alive and was blooming.

My heart leaped at that.

She was living...
She was blooming....


~ Nita~

Tonight's song, When I get Where I'm Goin

by Brad Paisley

1st video, 2nd clip

Sending you all love...

If you have time please listen...

Letter to John...

John,
When I hear Mary Chappin Carpenter's song 10,000 Miles. I remember the night we were driving home from dinner from a neighboring city. We were alone on our Friday night date we took every week.

You looked over at me and said, "I love you."
I said, "I love you too."

"This song is how I feel about you." He said to me..
"I feel this way about you too." I told him.

My throat felt very tight and I took his hand in mine and held it to my lips and kissed it.

He pulled the car over to the shoulder of the road and pulled me to him. He said, "Kiss me"

I kissed him...

No matter what John did, no matter what I did. And no matter what differences we ever had John was my one true love. I have never been able to take my wedding ring off.

I miss him so much I feel like I will never be whole. It hurts so much worse now than when he died because the shock has worn off.

I am doing what I can to heal. My brother's wife and I were talking today. She said, "Nita, no matter what anyone says, no one can miss John as much as you do.

You saw him everyday. Sisters may miss brothers but it is not like the wife. When someone loses their husband they lose half of themselves."

I agree with her. I miss my brother but it doesn't compare with what she has suffered.

John was a part of me. Now that part is gone and it feels terrible.

Many days I feel like I can't go another second without hearing his voice. Without seeing him...

But, I do feel like God blessed me with the 22 years I had with John.
Good times, bad times, sad times. Poverty stricken times... All of it was a gift. Because I learned from him. And I had someone who truly loved me.

He told me once.. " Nita it isn't material possessions that really matter to me and I know they don't matter to you. I just want us to have a simple life."

We were poor monetarily for most of the years we were together. But it really didn't matter to me.

Because I felt like were rich in so many other ways than money. John could do anything, and he knew how to build anything. Once he and Dad built 200 bug boxes for Girl Scouts for a Nature Event I was helping with.
He stayed up all night building them.. I loved him so much for the effort he put into everything he did. We also made the most of what we did have.

I looked around for free events to take the kids to. And would pack a picnic lunch for the road. I would stay up late and make fried chicken, potato salad and chocolate chip cookies. And make fresh tea and for John, and pack soda in the cooler for the kids.

We would go to the zoo and to the art museum. And the Science Center.
We would go hiking in Nature preserves. Go swimming. So many things..

Not everybody has that. And I feel lucky that I did.


Thank you to all of you who have cared enough to leave comments. I am just having a hard time right now, and I am trying to get back to where I can visit again. I have had so many things I have had to do. I am praying my life will get easier. Sending you all love..

~ Nita~

Tonight's Song, 10,000 Miles by Mary Chappin Carpenter

If you have a chance to listen to this song please do. It is so beautiful. It is the 1st video, 1st clip

Simple Things I Treasure Most...he said

A loving heart is the truest wisdom.

~ Charles Dickens

I ran my fingers down his check bone. Touching the hollows so softly.

He said, "Why do you stare at me when you think I am not looking?"

"Because I can't quit looking at you." I said softly.

"I want to memorize you, so when you aren't around I can pull the memory of you up in my heart."

He laughed like he always did.

" You are a funny girl that's why I like you."

He loved Spring. He loved it that I planted flowers, bushes, trees and that I had a garden every year. I have Raspberry bushes in the side yard and he always liked to go pick a handful when he was mowing the grass in the Summer. He babied the strawberry plants and would be just beam when he went to pick them and there would be enough for strawberry shortcake.

I planted roses by the driveway, and in the Summer would pick them and put them in a vase and place them on a freshly laundered tablecloth. I made sure they would be there for supper time.

I always made his plate and waited on him. I didn't do it because I had to, I did it because I wanted to do it. I did it for my kids too.

He said, "I feel lucky that you do special things like that for me. You make my plate and have flowers on the table and have ice tea for me every day. It makes me feel good.

It made my heart hurt because his words made me feel so loved.

I miss him...

These are some pictures I took a few weeks ago. A picture of a wooded area, and my iris bed getting ready to bloom.

I want to thank everyone who has left comments. I have been so busy with helping my Mom I have not had time to answer or visit each one of you individually. I am hoping things will be getting back to normal in the next few weeks. Dad is getting better, but slowly. He was very sad yesterday. He was having a very bad day. I have been getting movies from the library and watching them with him to keep his spirits up.

And I stay with him while Mom does errands.

It has just been a tiring time. I am just worn out when I get home and usually drop into bed.

So I am sorry for not visiting but I promise I will real soon. I am thinking of you all and saying a prayer for you too.

Love Nita


Tonight Song, You Got a Friend by James Taylor

1st video, 1st clip

This song reminds me of John more than any song. He and I listened to James Taylor a lot. I said to him one day, "If I call out your name will you come running?"

"Depends on what it's for. But all I know is you better not call me late for supper." LoL

I loved the way he made me laugh.

I close my eyes and think of him....

Hebrews 11:1
1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

I have been thinking about this scripture a lot lately. Sometimes it is hard to have faith when so many bad things are happening at one time . There have been times I was ready to give up on God lately. Run away from Him. But I thought of how Jonah tried to run from God. And how God found him. How in Psalms the psalmist wrote if I run from You, You will find me even in Sheol. Even in hell. We can't run from God. He is everywhere.

I really don't want to lose God. I am just so burdened with sadness. But I still believe in Him. I believe He who began a work in me will finish it. That He will help me overcome that which I can't overcome alone.

I was mad at God though. Mad that He took John. Mad that it seems like everything is so hard.

But I thought to myself, " Who am I to question God?" Where would I be without Him? I had to remind myself of how far He has brought me. That He saved me from death, from addiction. That He has loved me more than anyone has ever loved me or ever will love me. That when everyone forsakes me, He is there. That I am tattooed on the palm of His hand. That He knit me together in my Mother's womb.

He knows the plans for me. He knows the plans for all of us. We aren't meant to understand everything. We just have to have faith.


The other night me and my Mom were talking and I told her how I was feeling. She said, "Never, never give up on God. He is all we have." I do believe that. I know our relationship with God is the most important relationship we will ever have. But sometimes I wonder why all the pain. all the suffering. Why do people have to endure all of the tortures that they live through?

I have felt so very sad because of losing John. It is so hard without him. It is indescribable. And what is going on with my Dad....

I am the one who always tends to help my parents the most because I live nearest them. And sometimes it is overwhelming. I have hardly had time to clean my house and do the things I need to do because I have had to be there with them.

But I think it is better to help them than have a clean house right now. What is a clean house compared to helping those who need us? Especially our family.

I may not answer all of your comments because of the short time I have had to get everything done. But know I am thinking of each and ever one of you. I will get to visiting you all soon. You are thought about...

~ Nita~

Tonight's song, I Still Believe by Jeremy Camp

He wrote this song a few minutes after his wife died of cancer.
Help me to know that You are near yet...
1st video, 1st clip

Relections...

This is one of my reflection shots. I like the shadow of the tree across it, and the sun in the puddle. I took this picture when the puddle was almost evaporated.

I taken many shots of the new spring growth the last few days. This is mint coming up.

Butterflies flock to it in the Summer.

I like to pick a leaf while I am out in the yard and rub it between my fingers and smell it. It smells so good.

Dandelions are beautiful to me. Our neighbor use to hoe them out of his yard every Spring and Summer. Some days he would be at it all day.

I just thought" why?"

Why waste all that energy on killing dandelions?

These are some yellow tulips I planted in my yard when we first moved here.

This growth coming up is a wild purple flower... It is so breathtaking in Summer.

I love the look of flowers and plants look when they first come up....

The purple tulips along the brick walk always have been my favorite... They were there to greet John when he came home from work in Spring.. I have been really busy helping my Mom and took a break to come over and do laundry and housework. I may not post as much for a few weeks until things get better.

To all those I owe packages too, I have not forgot you..... I am just a little overwhelmed now. I promise to get them to you when things get less busy. I have a list of those who are getting stuff. You know who you are.

For those who want Dad's address to send cards I will get it to you in the next few days.

Thanks to everyone who has sent e-mails...and left me comments. You are appreciated.
Love Nita