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Monday, March 10, 2008

The walking wounded is a term I would use to describe myself at this time. It seems like I should have a huge hole where my heart use to be. My brokenness is so devastatingly complete. It seems like I cry when I wake up and cry when I go to bed. Friends I have known my whole life turn when they see me. Ones I have shared bread with...

There is something about sorrow that makes us want to run. To flee before the sorrow touches us. Maybe they don't know what to say, it doesn't matter. I understand. But it still hurts.

I saw a man yesterday when I went out to eat with Mom and Dad (i did not want to go, Mom begged me too.)

I had a bad day that started with a dream about John the night before, and I was just broke up about it. But I went out to eat with them.

The man was sitting alone. His hair was messed up and he did not look the cleanest. He sat in a contraption that he could roll himself around in,because he weighed about 500 pounds.

My heart broke for him. I felt anger rise up in me as people walked past him and cast disgusted looks his way. I just wanted to shout at them, " Do you know his story?"

We were seated several booths away from him but I could see him clearly from where I sat. There was a rambunctious table next to him and when they would laugh at each other's jokes, a huge smile would cross his face.

I thought I was alone until I saw that man. He was truly alone and I felt it.

He sat and read the paper while he ate, occasionally smiling to himself at other people's conversations.

It was his birthday. And several waitresses that he knew came over and sang happy birthday to him.

I had a lump in my throat that wouldn't go down. It was this man's birthday and he was completely alone. I felt this overwhelming sadness for him.

On the way out I stopped and introduced myself and wished him a happy birthday. I talked to him a few minutes and he was just so grateful. He told me his family was all dead. He was the last one. But he was a Christan and looked forward to being with his family in Heaven.

Sometimes in our brokenness it helps to reach out to someone else in their brokenness.

~Nita~

Song, The Blower's Daughter
by Damien Rice
1st video, 1st song

This song is so hauntingly beautiful...It reminds me of John.
My hair use to be that long and John loved it. I may grow it again..

40 comments:

sepia art studio said...

you have such a good heart nita!
it was very nice to say hello to that man, it must have meant world to him.
loneliness is truly something with eat's the heart bit by bit, if we let it do so...
*hugs*
delila

Thrifty Miss Priss said...

Nita,
You are so observant. Rather than sit in your own grief, you are looking for someone else who is hurting. I know it was hard for you to get up and go...but I bet you are thankful for the experience now. I'm sorry your friends are silent. I KNOW it's because they don't know what to say or don't want to upset you.
Hugs today to you Nita!
xxoo
Robin

whimseycreations said...

Nita, just the fact that you could go over to that man and start a conversation and give him some light in his life means that your spirit is not completely broken. You may physically feel that way because of the hurt you are going through right now, but reaching out to others when you can will help. Hugs! Jill

Mimi said...

what a thoughtful thing you did for that man...God knew your heart was breaking...so he placed someone in your path that needed your compassion...and helped to heal your heartbreak just a little...and He will keep working with you to heal the break just a little at a time...until you feel whole again...
Be Encouraged,
Love Mimi

Laurie said...

Nita,

I believe with every tear that falls in your devastating brokenness, God collects them and holds them dear to His heart. He has given you a gift of compassion, that heart to heart connection with others who need an act of kindness shown to them. He is the one who truly gives beauty for the ashes in our lives. I am so blessed that you know the Lord personally, especially for such a time as this. How do people make it through without Him? It is hard enough at times with Him. But I know He is faithful to bring you through this most painful time as He continues to do it one day at a time for you.
Bless your heart Nita, it is honest and true, and blesses so many people that you may never meet this side of Heaven. I am one. I am praying for you and will not turn away. May Spring come for us all soon, bringing new hope and His grace. I love your heart.

Love you, Laurie in Ca.

hiddenart said...

Happy Birthday to him. Praise God you did not just walk by without greeting him.
amanda

Debbie in NC said...

That sweet man was put there for you to realize you are not alone. God bless you for going over to him!

You might have been the only soul that has touched him recently. We can't possibly know how many he'll touch after you stopped by.

One touch is all it takes to let the lonely know someone cares.

Shelley said...

Hello Dear Nita, so sweet of you to take time for this man. I thought it was a blessing how he was alone,but had the assurance of someday being reunited with his loved ones. What a blessed hope we have as Christians to know that we are just passing through this world and our true homes are in Heaven ,where there shall be no more parting of ways.
There are so many lonely and hurting people in this world. I am thankful we have the Lord to lend on in times of distress and grief.

I see the fact you said, It seems like you~SHOULD~have a huge hole where your heart use to be.
God is mending your heart day by day and one day you will feel strength that you never thought possible.

God bless you and keep you is my prayer, Shelley

Donna said...

You have such a sharing spirit...makes you feel wonderful help ease anothers stress, doesn't it...hughugs

Nonnie said...

what a wonderful thing kindness shared is.....and a blessing to have such a kind heart, nita.
keeping you in my heart and prayers.
kimberly

A bird in the hand said...

Dear Nita, surviving is not enough, surviving well is the key, and it sounds as if you're on that road. Some people get brutalized by their experiences; others become more aware and compassionate. Reaching out to that lonely man was a wonderful thing you did.
People are afraid of sorrow, and of death. They don't know what to say, so instead they turn away, or say something inappropriate or feel you should get over it in a few months. It hurts for sure. I've told people that all you have to do is just be there, have a cup of coffee together, go for a walk and quietly be there for your wounded friend. There are no magic words, but there can be the comfort of someone who cares and lets you grieve.

Love, Colette

Lee W. said...

what a generous and right thing to do. See, you still have it in you, you just have to look. Maybe this is John giving a little nudge, so you won't forget to be YOU. HUGS- Lee

shabby chic said...

Hi Nita,
Your friends I am sure , dont know what to say or perhaps what to do. or maybe they think it is best to give you some space for the time being.
That was nice reaching out to that man, through your own sadness.
xx

Treasure Barn said...

What a wonderful person you are Nita, taking the time out of your hurting heart to stop and talk to someone lonely. You are an amazing person and God Bless you for doing that. I bet he was so happy and it probably made his day...... his birthday!

God Bless You my friend
xoxoxo
Patti

Vickie said...

Oh Nita! You are not broken, not when you can reach out. I believe he was there for you. I truly believe God's divine timing gave this gentleman a kind person for a minute or two, but that he gave you a gift too.

red tin heart said...

delila: thank you.. he seemed like such a lost soul. lonliness can eat the heart away, i try not to let that happen. but sometimes it is my worst enemy.
thank you for your words dear heart. love nita

red tin heart said...

robin: i am typing while holding coco my pup. i try to observe people. you seen my heart robin.
i look for other hurting people in my grief to comfort so i will not hurt so bad.
i think your right about my friends. some are there for me. one of my good friends picks me up for church on wednesdays. it takes everything in me to go. i don't think most people realize how hard it is to function after something like this has happened. my blogging friends have been so good.
i am sending my love to you friend. love nita

red tin heart said...

jill: it feels like i am broken. but i also see the need to help others who are broken. i will continue reaching out to others who hurt. thank you for your words. love nita

red tin heart said...

Mimi: Thank you.. I believe God did place that man there. To let me see there are others who are so much lonlier than me. That way I could be grateful for the family i do have.Sending you love. xoxo nita

red tin heart said...

Laurie: I have read a scripture that says God keeps all of our tears in a bottle. He saves them. That amazes me.
I really don't know how people make it without God. I would not make it without Him.
Laurie, you bless me too. Your words comfort me. Thank you for that. love nita

red tin heart said...

Amanda: I wanted him to fel like someone cared. I am happy that I stopped too. It made my day. I hope you have a good week sweet Amanda. love you, Nita

red tin heart said...

Debbie: You are so right. It takes one touch to let someone know they are cared for. Good words. Bless you for your sweet comments. love nita

red tin heart said...

Shelley: Thank you for your kind words... It is wonderful that we will meet our loved ones in Heaven and not be parted again. You have a kind and wonderful heart Shelley.
xoxo nita

red tin heart said...

Donna: I think the same about you my friend. You ease the suffering of my heart. love nita

red tin heart said...

Colette: I hope i am on the way. i am not sure if i am surviving well. somedays i am a total mess. when people see me in the store they will see a woman who has had a shower with clean colthes on and her make up on. I look put together, but inside i am falling apart.
You are so right about just listening.. That is what I need more than anything, just someone to listen. Someone who comes by and asks me out for coffee. A phone call.
That would be very good.
Your words are from experience and it shows.
Thank you, love nita

red tin heart said...

Lee: He always encouraged me to be me. He helped me in so many ways. Thank you for your words, love nita

red tin heart said...

Kimberly: Thank you for keeping me in your prayers. I need them. They help. Thank you for your comments. love nita

red tin heart said...

Dominique: I think you are right, most people don't know what to say. It is a hard situation. Thank you for your kind comments. love nita

red tin heart said...

Patti: I don't know if i am a wonderful person or not... I am all too human. I do try to do my best to be kind to others. I hope you are doing ok. I am sorry about your Mother's passing.
love nita

red tin heart said...

Vickie: thank you.. but i feel broken. i think God did put that man there. For me to comfort him, and for me to be comforted by his faith in God. love nita

velvet brick said...

I am crying at this story.... I am weeping for the man who was alone...and I weep for your kindness...the time you took to say hello and acknowledge his presence. Bless you. Bless you in abundance for giving this man a beautiful gift on his birthday. And what a healing moment for you...that in your time of sorrow and true heartbreak, you were able to give of yourself and bring joy to another person's heart. You are an inspiration, dear woman. Thank you for sharing this beautiful, poignant story. We should all learn from it.
VB

JeannieTheDreamer said...

Dear Nita,
I am happy to finally get to your blog. Been trying for days - it would just freeze my laptop - maybe it's because too many of us are on your blog all at the same time!

I enjoyed the pictures of the birds and doing a mosaic is a good idea. I remember the movie "How To Make An American Quilt." One of the women was so mad at her husband for cheating on her that she threw so many things at him and broke them, then she picked up the pieces and made a mosaic on the wall with them. and she said "self expression heals the wounded heart."

A few days ago, I was thinking about Elizabeth, wondering how she's grieving?

God Bless and may you sleep soundly in your warm blanket.
Jeannie

P.S. I am sure you touched the heart of the man in the restaurant.

The Artful Eye said...

Oh my, Nita. You are an angel, this man needed a friend and you reached out despite all your sadness and loneliness.

I'm sick that people are so cruel and heartless but it's true, there is something about illness and death that makes people fearful, it's a shame.

I wish I could mend your broken heart for you. For now I send you much love and warm hugs from afar.

Thank you so much for what you did for that wonderful man, it has brought tears to my eyes.

God Bless You.
xxox Andrea

TobyBo said...

I am glad you were there for him.

I will be back to see the jewelry and mosaics. The plates are pretty and look like fun to work with.

Dena ~ swaddlecottage said...

Nita,

That is why I adore you. Your heart is so perfectly pure and gentle and so very kind. I wish the world was filled with people like you. I'll never distance from you because of your grief. I'd rather stay right here beside you and do all that I can to let you know how dearly you are loved and needed. You have much to teach. And there are many that need to learn. I wanted to let you now that Jeannie from Dreamer Jean is having a hard time opening your blog for some reason. she says her computer freezes but she wanted you to know that you are in her thoughts and that she's going to keep trying.

Hugs,
Dena

PixieDust said...

Any words of comfort I might have are inadequate...

All I can say is I love you, and I am grateful that you are making it through each day, and reaching out with your words here on your blog.

I know that all I can do is stand by your side (even if not physically, spiritually), and listen...

(((HUGS))),
Me

Classic Charm said...

Oh Nita, your entry made me cry today. And you are truly a beautiful person, thank you for reaching out to that man. Thank you for not turning your cheek. You are truly the kind of person that God wants us to be. Bless you Nita.
Hugs,Rose

The Feathered Nest said...

I was just thinking of you, Nita and there your comment was in my inbox!!! You have such a beautiful spirit, Nita ~ your kindness was such a testimony to the man at the restaurant. Sometimes just a smile or kind word can means so very much...I am so glad that you are creating!! I know that you love it and I'm sure your creations are just wonderful. If you can't find the book, Amazon will probably have it. It has a lot of wonderful ideas and I love the idea of it. The gathered trinkets and forgotten baubles. Pieces from broken necklaces, bracelets or random objects, all no longer useful but when assembled together take on a new life of beauty......much love to you sweet spirit ~ xxoo, Dawn

Jennifer said...

Nita,

You have such a warm and loving heart to talk and chat with a total stranger like you did. I'm sure the man appreciated your kindness as well.

You are a very good and strong person. Your strength and your kindness will help you through this very rough time.

Take care,
Jennifer

Maija said...

Thank you for sharing his story. You are a wonderful person, Nita!!

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I love beauty, whether it is in nature, literature or art. And I love music... My day feels incomplete if I haven't had a chance to listen to some good music.. I also love beautiful souls, and kind hearts.

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Pick out one person a day to encourage.

Please pray for the protection of Israel.
And for the Jewish people who live there. May God give them the strength they need to defeat their enemies.
“To love means loving the unlovable. To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable. Faith means believing the unbelievable. Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless.”
—G.K. Chesterton (1874-1936); writer, critic
"There will come
a time
when you believe
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"Wisdom is knowing what to do next;
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exert from
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~Wishes are free~
So why not make one?
Psalm 138:7

Though I am surrounded by troubles, my God will preserve me against the anger of my enemies. He will clench His fist against my angry enemies! His Power will save me. The Lord will work out His plans for my life- for His faithful love endures forever.

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