Thursday, October 6, 2011

Jason Aldean - Laughed Until We Cried

I walked alone on the darkened street. It was raining and my mascara was streaked across my face. My hair was plastered to my cheeks and forehead, my clothes were soaked.

Elizabeth had to work that night, and then she spent the night at her friend Lucy's house.

And I was alone again..Thinking about him and going crazy. Hearing every argument we had ever had going through my mind like a dozen freight trains..The sorrow was so intense. I prayed to go back and right each one. I screamed at the sky..Not caring who heard me. It was 1:00 a.m in the morning. And I was a wounded animal.

I saw him then, the old man. The drunk whom I had saw at the park crying.

I had seen him the week before and stopped and put my hand on his shoulder as he cried. I didn't know him. But he was me, he was everyone who has lost their mind from sorrow. He reached up his weathered hand and covered mine.

"You wondering why an old foolish man is setting on a park bench crying?" He said through tear filled eyes.

I just nodded, I couldn't speak.

"She has been gone for 5 years today. She was the only person who ever truly understood me. And, when I smell peaches I see us in our orchard. She has her hair in curlers and I am looking at her wondering why she picked me. I had a lot of darkness in me. But she, She was light. Pure light. And he hung his head down and cried until the front of his shirt was soaked. I stood there and left my hand on his frail shoulder..Until he was done. I never said a word.

I walked away, and gave him a little wave and smiled softly and sadly. Cause I was where he was, just a shorter time frame.

And then I saw him again a week later, on the darkened corner.

The old man spoke from the shadows. "Girl why are you out here in the middle of the night? I knew that was you, I saw your face in the streetlight."

I don't know why, but I felt I owed him an explanation for my grief. After all he had shared his grief with me.

"I am alone in the world. My husband died and I am lost, so lost." I cried harder. This time he put his hand on my shoulder and let me cry.

When it passed, he said to me. "Go home girl, there is nothing out here for you but death. And God isn't done with you yet."

"Why would He even want me? I am a mess, my life is a mess," I said. My heart torn in a million pieces.

"People have made you feel foolish over your grief, haven't they? Unless you lose someone how could anyone truly understand?" He said softly.

"I had a breakdown when she died, and I tried killing myself 3 times. I couldn't bear it without her. She was my saviour in so many ways. She believed in me, I cheated on her a couple of times. She never said a word. But she knew. And then, I decided I could never bear to see that look on her face ever again. So I quit. When I did it I was just running from the only person who ever truly loved me. And I was scared of being loved. Because then you are vulnerable. But I decided being vulnerable to her wasn't so bad. Because she had proven to me she wasn't going to hurt me.." He smiled then. It was a lovely smile born from grief and understanding.

"So go home girl, go home."

And I did.

I don't know if the old man was an angel, or just a man posing as a human angel. But I won't ever forget, how we in our sorrow, can reach another human being who is sharing the same sorrow. Sometimes without saying one word.

Nita @ 2011

About Me

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I love beauty, whether it is in nature, literature or art. And I love music... My day feels incomplete if I haven't had a chance to listen to some good music.. I also love beautiful souls, and kind hearts.


Copyright@ 2007- 2013 by Nita Barrow- Zimmerman
all rights reserved. Please do not use my original art, photos, or reprint my writing without asking me for permission. Thank You...

Pick out one person a day to encourage.

Please pray for the protection of Israel.
And for the Jewish people who live there. May God give them the strength they need to defeat their enemies.
“To love means loving the unlovable. To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable. Faith means believing the unbelievable. Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless.”
—G.K. Chesterton (1874-1936); writer, critic
"There will come
a time
when you believe
everything is finished.
That will be the beginning."
Louis L'Amour

"Wisdom is knowing what to do next;
virtue is doing it."
David Star
exert from
The Philosophy of Despair
It is never too late to be who you might have been.
George Eliot
Friendship is a sheltering tree.
Samuel Taylor Coleridge
~Wishes are free~
So why not make one?
Psalm 138:7

Though I am surrounded by troubles, my God will preserve me against the anger of my enemies. He will clench His fist against my angry enemies! His Power will save me. The Lord will work out His plans for my life- for His faithful love endures forever.

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