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Monday, February 25, 2008





Elizabeth and I went to the bookstore today and I bought these two books.

I decided to plant a garden this year after all the responses I have received.

I want to plant a memorial garden for John and have a vegetable garden. My Dad said he would till the garden spot for me.

The garden book is so full of ideas. It has how to make your own raised bed garden! With step-by step instructions. What I really like about this book is that it is done all by women.

That is unusual to see in a garden book.

The other book I splurged on Barefoot Contessa at Home is one of my favorite books.

I love Ina Garten. I watch her on television when she is on. I have got this book at the library before and made many of the recipes in it.

I have always cooked dinner for my Mom and Dad who live across the street from me. And I have been cooking a lot lately to stay busy.

I like to cook for Mom and Dad, and many times my older sister will stop by and eat supper too. I will be making many of the recipes out of this new cookbook for them to try.

A funny thing John used to do, was whenever we had company over for dinner, he would always hurry up and pack his lunch for the next day before everyone came in. He was like a little squirrel hoarding his food.

His food was important to him.

I had a friend say something to me today that I have let roll around in my mind. It was a wise thing she said.

" When something happens to us as life altering as losing a spouse all we can do is work through our grief."

She continued to say that after 2 years her loneliness had only increased.

Her children could not understand, because of course they lost their father, but she lost the love of her life.

I am not trying to minimize losing a parent. That is awful. But losing a spouse is losing half of who you are. A whole person becomes a half a person.

She went on to say what so many people say, "Time will help you heal."

I guess time is the only thing that can help heal a person of who has suffered unmeasurable grief.

If anyone who is reading this is discouraged about something in your life. Be encouraged. God has held my hand the whole way. He will hold your hand too.

I don't know what I would have done without Him. I felt like I could have easily died with John. But I thought about my kids, my Mom, my sisters, my family.

We do not realize how important we are to others around us. We may be their rock and not even know it. We may be the only Jesus some people will ever know. I am hanging on with God's help and the help of those God has sent to help me. You hang on too.

~Love Nita~

56 comments:

shabby chic said...

Hi Nita,
I am so so pleased you are doing your garden for you & John. I am glad that you went and got some wonderfull books too , that is a really good step. The books look like they are nice down to earth books to help you along. You are doing well Nita and i am so pleased, love to you
X Dominique x

shabby chic said...

ps meant to say that was a really beautifull post , and so like you reaching out to others x

Debbie in NC said...

Nita,
I smiled so big when you said you were going to have a garden! It will also be a healing garden. I envy you for having your parents across the street and a wonderful daughter there with you :-)

One day in the near future, you will sit by your garden and be at peace...I just know it!

Mimi said...

Nita,
you are such a loving person to be reaching out to others with heart ache...when you are in the midst of your own...you are a blessing to so many people!
I am glad you decided to do your garden this year...working in the earth is such a healer of heart ache...because as you are bending over your plants...you will feel John right there beside you...
Prayers and Hugs,
Mimi

JeannieTheDreamer said...

Amen, thank you for reminding me, Nita.

Shelley said...

Hello Dear Nita,what a blessing your garden will be to you. I am happy you decided to go ahead and plant.I believe John is so proud of you for doing so.
You are really something, with all your pain , you find the strength the encourage others. What a blessing you are to so many.
I pray God will bless your garden and you as well. I just know you are going to fine , Nita.
Your strong faith will carry you on!

God Bless you and yours, Shelley

Donna said...

What a wonderful project! There's Nothing More healing than the earth between your toes...feels wonderful! Way to go Sweetie!

Kathy (NF) said...

Nita: You inspire me!

Try e-mailing me please

mcisacl@nf.sympatico.ca

Hope you have better luck than me:)

Love
Kathy

Bobbie said...

Getting outdoors and digging in the earth will help you heal. My daughter once said something similar to your friend "sometimes the only way around something is through it" and so it is with grief and loss. While there is truth in never getting over a loss, the pain does lessen as time goes on. God bless you dear Nita.

Nonnie said...

so happy you are planting your garden, nita.....i think that you will get great joys, not only from the planning & planting of it, but when it blooms, knowing what went into it....i hope it brings some comfort.
keeping you and elizabeth in my thoughts and prayers,
kimberly

JeannieTheDreamer said...

Hi, it's me again. This week I am sowing my seeds indoors. I am growing a mix of annuals for butterflies, and between today and tomorrow I will decide on which perennials to start from seed.

Gardening is a wonderful thing to do with your child. Elizabeth will enjoy growing the garden with you :) When you get the chance, come visit, I have a slideshow of my garden in my blog....

jeannie

Vickie said...

Me too, I just smile to think of you planting a garden. What a beautiful way to hold close life. The cycle of life in a garden is so poetic and such a good way to work through grief. That really is all we can do after all. The alternative is to curl up and wait to die. Nita, you are so inspirational and I so appreciate you. Lots of love and hugs to you!!

Daughter of the King said...

Nita,
I have thought about the loss of the spouse and how much worse it must be, because, TWO become one,
everything one says seems so trite and flippant. You are being taken to the Throne, by so many of us and that is what works.
Reminds me of a song from years back:

and Jesus said come to the water,
stand by my side,
I know you are thirsty you won't be denied.
I felt every tear drop when in darkness you cried
and I strove to remind you,
That for THOSE TEARS I DIED.

love to you and yours,
Deby

Classic Charm said...

Nita,
You are an extraordinary person. I read your post today, and here you are expressing encouragement to others even during your immense grief. That speaks volumes about who you are.
Hugs,
Rose

red tin heart said...

Dominique: I think the books will help me greatly. It has a cocnut layer cake I am going to make for my Mom this week. How are you doing this week? love nita

red tin heart said...

Debbie: I am so lucky that Mum and Dad live across the street. They have helped so much since John passed. Elizabeth is such a comfort. Thanks Debbie for your sweet comments. love nita

red tin heart said...

Mimi: I think it will be healing to have this garden. I am going to start getting seeds tommorow. Thank you for your words. love nita

red tin heart said...

Jeannie: You are such a sweet person. Thank you... love nita

Shelley: I think it will take time like many people say. I will make it with God's help. He has also sent friends to help me, like you. love nita

red tin heart said...

Donna: Thank you. I have always loved being outside in the Spring. And I am so happy Dad is helping me. love nita

red tin heart said...

Kathy: Thank you. And I will try your e-mail. love nita

red tin heart said...

Bobbie: I am so happy to hear from you again. I made a photo collage today and will post it tommorow. love nita

SweetAnnee said...

Go Nita..
Garden..love, cook, live, and lean on God.
He will hold you close.

Love to you..Deena

(((((((hugs))))))

red tin heart said...

Kimberly: I think you are right. It does help to know how much goes into somnething. That makes it special. love nita

red tin heart said...

Jeannie: I am going to start some pansies this week. I grow most of my garden from seed as well. I am going to check out your slide show, it sounds neat. love nita

red tin heart said...

Vickie: Your words are like a healing balm. Thank you. love nita

red tin heart said...

Deena: Thank you. I am praying for you. I hope you have a beautiful week. I will lean on God.. He helps me. love nita

red tin heart said...

Deby: Thank you for the kind words. love nita

red tin heart said...

Rose: It seems like when I reach out it hurts a little less. Thank you for your words. love nita

Kathy (NF) said...

Dear Nita:

Just wanted to let you know that my sister also has a yahoo account and my e-mail to her was also returned.

Maybe some temporary problems between my server & yahoo.

Haven't received any mail from you yet -- keep trying -- as will I.

Love
Kathy

A bird in the hand said...

Just came over to give you a big warm hug. xoxo

Laura said...

Dear Nita, I'll attempt to hang on with all my might right along side you. Often it is in looking at my children that I gather up a small fragment of will to get through another day. Many hugs.

red tin heart said...

Laura: I will pray for you. You are on my heart so often.. Pray for me too dear heart. I wish we could met someday. It would be wonderful to talk to you in person. love nita

red tin heart said...

Colette: Thank you and I send hugs back to you. love Nita

Sandra Evertson said...

Thank you for visiting me, a Garden, Yes, a Beautiful Garden!
Sandra Evertson

* mY fRiEnDs cALL mE Rella * said...

I smiled when I read your post...I read hope and 'forward looking' and these are all good, good things. Nothing will fix the big hole left in your heart and life, but there will be things that bring you a sense of satisfaction that your life is still so very meaningful. Cooking for others will be a double gift...looking at garden books to plan your special place will give you an adventure. I had a friend once who studied horticulture and was commissioned to create a Prayer Garden. Doesn't that sound beautiful?

Love Rella
xo

Diane said...

Yeahhhhhhhhhh Nita! Can't wait to see your gardens! Someone gave me this advice a few weeks ago when I was feeling so overwhelmed with my life. They said "Just do the next thing" That was said to me before my daughter broke her back! Now that is what I say to her. Don't worry about today or tomorrow or anything. Just do the next thing. I am so proud you are planting a memorial garden.
xoxo
Diane

nita said...

Sandra: Thank you! And thank you for visiting me too. I love your site. Love Nita

Bonafyde said...

I have been lurking on your blog for a couple of weeks now and I am always touched and want to write you you some words of encouragement...but what are the right words to say anyone who is going through what you are going through?
The love and pain that comes through your posts is touching a core in me, I have lost a parent through addiction...he is alive but I have no idea where he is. I can say that I live everyday with the memory of him, the grief, the delight in rememembering little details of our times together, coupled with more grief and even anger at his absence.
I love the quote your friend told you, a wise one indeed.
Good for you on building the tribute garden! plant even more fennel...who knows a message may come through on the wings of a butterfly. Miracles do happen when we least expect them.

Blessings.

nita said...

Rella: I really would like to do a prayer garden, that would be so awesome. Thanks for the words of encouragement. love nita

nita said...

Diane: With as much as you are going through you still take the time to come see me. Thank you. And thank you for you wise words. love nita

Blue Mermaid Cafe..... said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nita said...

Bonafyde: You left touching and heartfelt words. I want to tell you to hang on sweetheart. I have been where you are now. I grew up with 2 alcoholics and went to counsoling for years to learn how to deal with the things I went through as a child. It is so hard growing up that way. But remember this, it gives you strength you never knew you had.
I feel like a stronger and more compassionate person for having grown up that way.
You will make it. I will pray for your Dad too, miracle happen. I see them all the time.
And thank you for your kind words them mean a lot to me. Love Nita

The Artful Eye said...

Nita,
So happy to hear you have decided to work your garden. John is with you every step of the way and so are all of us.

You and Elizabeth picked out some really nice books. I like Ina Garten as well and watch her show.

Life is a miracle in itself. To give comfort when needing comfort is immeasurable strength and you have it Nita.

One day at a time...God bless

Andrea

Anonymous said...

When tomorrow starts without me


When tomorrow starts without me,
and I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me:

I wish you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too:

But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand.

And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.

I had so much to live for,
So much left yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays,
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
And all the fun we had.

If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for a while,
I'd say good-bye and kiss you
And maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
Would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne,

He said, "This is eternity.
And all I've promised you.
Today your life on earth is past,
But here life starts anew.

I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
And since each day's the same way
There's no longing for the past.

You have been so faithful,
So trusting and so true.
Though there were times
You did some things

You knew you shouldn't do.
But you have been forgiven
And now at last you're free.
So won't you come and take my hand

And share my life with me?"
So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.

Author Unknown

Mermaid Queen said...

Hi Nita,
Thanks so much for visiting my blog. After reading about the loss of your dear husband, I wanted to say you are in my heart and prayers. I love gardening, and woud love seeing a photo of some of your plantings when you're done. :)
Take care,
~Martha

Jennifer said...

I'm so glad that you are going to have a garden. I've found that working in the garden can be very soothing and meditative besides being a source of beauty and healthy things to eat. I'm sure that while I'm whittling away at my garden this year, I'll be thinking of you and Elizabeth.

PixieDust said...

"He was like a little squirrel hoarding his food."

I love this description of your husband... it is so tender...

:-)

Yes, when my father passed I was so consumed in my own grief it wasn't until a few months later that I realized the enormity of what my mother had lost...

Blessings for your garden - I'm happy that you are going to plant it! And I love the barefoot contessa!

:-D

(((HUGS))),
Love,
Me

Nathalie Thompson said...

I will ave to try fennel for butterflies this year (I did not know thye liked it). I know dill attracts monarch caterpillars Unfortunately for them I am not willing to share! I have pickles to make! The Barefoot Contessa is one of my favorites too. I get hungry watching her show! She is SO relaxed when she cooks those sumptuous meals. She makes it look so easy!

Sherry ~ Cherie ~ ms. herbes de provence said...

Nita, it's me again - I've left a little something for you at Sage & Thyme today (27th). xo

red tin heart said...

Andrea: Life is a miracle.. Thank you for your kind comments. love nita

red tin heart said...

anonymous: That was a beautiful, beautiful poem. Thank you.
Love nita

red tin heart said...

Martha: You will most certainly see them. I got some books from the library today to help me plan my garden. I need a lot of resources. love nita

red tin heart said...

Jennifer: You will have to post some pictures of your garden so I can seee it. Thank you for always stopping to visit. love nita

red tin heart said...

Pixie: It is very hard on kids when their parents pass. Especially if they are close to them. Elizabeth was so close to her Dad, like you.
Hope you are doing good. love you, nita

red tin heart said...

Nathalie: She does look relaxed. She is so awesome, she seems like her family is everything to her.
Hope you have a good evening. love nita

red tin heart said...

Sherry: Thank you for the award. That was very kind of you. love nita

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I love beauty, whether it is in nature, literature or art. And I love music... My day feels incomplete if I haven't had a chance to listen to some good music.. I also love beautiful souls, and kind hearts.

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Pick out one person a day to encourage.

Please pray for the protection of Israel.
And for the Jewish people who live there. May God give them the strength they need to defeat their enemies.
“To love means loving the unlovable. To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable. Faith means believing the unbelievable. Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless.”
—G.K. Chesterton (1874-1936); writer, critic
"There will come
a time
when you believe
everything is finished.
That will be the beginning."
Louis L'Amour
(1908-1988)

"Wisdom is knowing what to do next;
virtue is doing it."
David Star
(1851-1931)
exert from
The Philosophy of Despair
It is never too late to be who you might have been.
George Eliot
Friendship is a sheltering tree.
Samuel Taylor Coleridge
~Wishes are free~
So why not make one?
Psalm 138:7

Though I am surrounded by troubles, my God will preserve me against the anger of my enemies. He will clench His fist against my angry enemies! His Power will save me. The Lord will work out His plans for my life- for His faithful love endures forever.

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