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Friday, February 29, 2008

Today was a rough day.

When I watched the movie last night, there was a scene in which Hillary Swank dreams her husband is beside her and she tells him it is his turn to turn the light off in their bedroom. But she wanks up and looks over and he is not there.

I have done that so much, but for months. Since John's accident. I have dreamed he was home, and I wake up talking to him, to realize he isn't there.

Today as I was getting ready to go with Mom and Dad a song came on that he use to sing to me all the time. I could not get it together for a half hour. I could not quit crying. I wanted to go back to bed, but Mom talked me out of it.

It seems to strike me at the worst times....This all consuming grief.
One minute I am fine the next falling apart.
~Nita~
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17 comments:

Kissing of the Frogs said...

Nita,
So sorry to hear you had a rough day. Please know that you and Elizabeth are in my prayers...
Hugs,
Rose

March 1, 2008 at 3:59 AM
Rach said...

Hi Nita,

I'm just dropping in to check on you and to tell you I'm still praying for you and your family.

Once again, I wanted to let you know how sorry I am for your loss.

Hugs to you,
Rachael

March 1, 2008 at 4:10 AM
Bobbie said...

There will be days like this, but time will pass and the heart will let go of the hurt but always keep the memories. Day by day, things will be easier to bear. Bless you.

March 1, 2008 at 5:14 AM
Donna said...

Wish I was there this morning!! I'm a Really Good Listener...and I make great coffee...I do To..lol...love you Baby!!!

March 1, 2008 at 5:16 AM
Laurie in Ca. said...

Hi Nita,

I have no words for the consuming grief that is upon you right now and this makes me feel so inadequate that all I can do is pray you through one day at a time. In your last post you said that you don't have John anymore and you are right, it's not the same.
But I do know that John is only a memory away in your heart and will always be. As Jesus says, Love never dies and I believe it. I just pray that some day it won't hurt so much to remember the Love you share. And may I encourage you to cry whenever it comes, and cry until you can't anymore. It is healing and cleansing to the soul. God is in it and He will not allow it to consume you, though it must feel this way. Pour your heart out to Him, He can handle it with you.
Praying for sunny days and spring to come, bringing renewed strength, hope and joy to you. You have my heart.

Love and Prayers, Laurie in Ca.

March 1, 2008 at 7:27 AM
Mimi said...

I'm so sorry this was a rough day...I am praying that the really rough days will become less often and you will have some happy days to fill in between the rough ones...
try to stay busy... and don't allow yourself to stay in bed....as hard as it may be to force yourself up and out...
Be Encouraged...
I am praying for you and Elizabeth...
Mimi

March 1, 2008 at 7:47 AM
Joni said...

Nita, I wish there were words that could bring you more comfort...you have so many people who encourage you and I know their words must lift you, but you must somehow bottle that happiness and love you felt with John and allow it to lift your spirits as well...you have such a sweet spirit...I will continue to pray that your good days begin to out number the rough ones.

Do take care my friend ~
Joni

March 1, 2008 at 9:55 AM
Penny from Enjoying The Simple Things said...

Oh Nita,
I am sorry to hear you are having a rough time. I wish I could come and give you a big hug....
(((((((((hug)))))))))
Penny

March 1, 2008 at 10:53 AM
Anonymous said...

Sweet girl ~ I am holding you in my heart and prayers ~ Deb

March 1, 2008 at 12:51 PM
Anonymous said...

“Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death.”

Nita - I ache for you. I feel your grief with every word. I wish I could jump through the computer and comfort you in some way. You will be in my prayers, and those of many other people.

March 1, 2008 at 3:59 PM
kimberly said...

checking in on you and just want you to know you are in my heart and prayers
hugs,
kimberly

March 1, 2008 at 6:19 PM
Anonymous said...

I feel so bad for you! We all worry about you so hang on my friend!

March 1, 2008 at 6:25 PM
MeMeMe said...

Dear Nita, you and Elizabeth are so very blessed to have your parents with you to comfort you and take care of you. It is also nice that you are on blogworld because it gives me the blessing of being a friend to someone I have never met, and yet be with you and hold your hand in spirit. Allow yourself to cry.

Love,
Jeannie

March 1, 2008 at 7:06 PM
MeMeMe said...

Dear Nita, you and Elizabeth are so very blessed to have your parents with you to comfort you and take care of you. It is also nice that you are on blogworld because it gives me the blessing of being a friend to someone I have never met, and yet be with you and hold your hand in spirit. Allow yourself to cry.

Love,
Jeannie

March 1, 2008 at 7:06 PM
Kissing of the Frogs said...

Nita,
If you can go to this blog http://justbeingjohnmichael.blogspot.com/ and search for "there is no death" poem written by John-Michael. I asked him to find something for you..and so he did. You don't have to post this comment if you wish, I really just wanted to send you a note asking you to read it, hoping it will touch your heart as John is such a talented writer. Hoping you find comfort through his gentle words.
Hugs,
Rose

March 1, 2008 at 7:59 PM
BriteCloud said...

I saw thousands, literally thousands, of black birds today on the wires. My daughter and I were amazed. I actually wondered if the wires could hold that many. Of course I had thoughts of you, as they will always remind me of you now.

And I was just thinking after reading your post about how God takes care of each little sparrow, so how much more will be care for us, as Jesus stated in the Bible.

You are loved, and I am still lifting you and your family up in prayer for continued care.

Rhonda
"BriteCloud"

March 1, 2008 at 9:14 PM
The Artful Eye said...

Dear Nita,
Your days will be rough for a while but we are all walking beside you and there is a greater power looking over all of us.

I wish I lived closer to hold your hand.

I'm so glad you mom was there to keep you going.

Hugs and prayers. Andrea

March 2, 2008 at 12:41 PM

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I love beauty, whether it is in nature, literature or art. And I love music... My day feels incomplete if I haven't had a chance to listen to some good music.. I also love beautiful souls, and kind hearts.

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