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Sunday, March 2, 2008

I woke up crying today. I had another dream of John and did not want to wake up. It was so beautiful. We were in our yard but different, you know what I mean? Like how how our minds change things to be more how we want it, instead of how it really is.

It was our yard but a bigger yard. I actually have a Wisteria on the fence and it covers an archway in the side yard. But it has never bloomed. I have coaxed it for years to bloom, but with no luck.

In my dream I was out watering the plants and when I went to water the Wisteria it was covered in blooms. I yelled," John come outside and look at this." He came running out and said, "Wow! That is so beautiful, see I told you it would bloom someday."
Then he hugged me and told me he loved me. I asked him how he knew it would bloom seeing that it never had before. He said, " You just have to have faith."
I guess that is one reason I hate waking up. Because I dream of him so much. I fight daily to do the things I have to do.

Today when I went outside to walk the dogs it was Springlike. It must be 70 degrees. I immediately thought that if John was here we would go for a walk. He and I walked almost everyday when the weather started to be good outside. I enjoyed just talking to him when we walked.

The thing I miss the most about him was that he was the one I talked to about my Mom, sisters, kids and he would give me his opinion to what I should do with a certain situation. He is not here to do that anymore. I have lost my confidant.

Maybe it hurts more now than ever because of Spring... I don't know.

All I can do is trust God to help me. To have faith. Like John said to have in my dream..

~Nita~
Today's song, Does Anybody Hear Her by Casting Crowns
1st video 2nd clip

23 comments:

Laurie said...

Sweet Nita,

I hope you won't mind what I am about to say here. I don't believe you have lost your confidant spiritually, he just comes in your dreams now to speak to you. I think it is beautiful but I can hear in your words how much it hurts to not have him in the same physical sense anymore. I am so sorry for how much it hurts. Keep speaking to him in your heart about the things that concern you, with faith, and know the answers will come to you. I too have a Wisteria that is old and will not bloom. I will believe with more faith that this spring they will both bloom, yours and mine. I love spring the most, it brings renewal and new life. I wish this for you this spring with all of my heart. Keep dreaming Nita and someday it will not hurt so much. Your love you share brings such sweet and lovely memories, even though it hurts so darned much right now. It won't always, but for now, it does. I am praying for you each day to get through my friend. I know with Gods loving help, you are and will continue to do so.

Love and Healing Prayers, Laurie in Ca.

shabby chic said...

I think your dream is perhaps Johns way of letting you know he is here and another way of saying "Nita do this garden for us, for me". I think you will find great love in doing your garden and it will feel so meaningfull for you & Elizabeth.
take care
x Dominique

Mimi said...

Nita,
I think that God knows that you are having such a hard time without John's presence...that He is allowing you to dream such real dreams of John so you can feel his presence and glean some of his understanding in your soul...
Spring will bring renewal of life as the flowers begin to bloom...especially if you plant his favorite flowers...
I am praying for you,
Mimi

The Artful Eye said...

Dear Nita,

If these dreams are a way to communicate and interact with John, my wish is that you have many more sweet dreams.

It's also good to cry. Cry as often as you need to, this is the way we heal ourselves. It is not a sign of weakness, but of strength.

You must not fear waking, when your dream has ended it is John's way of leading you by the hand to begin a new day.

I think of you everyday and hope that with each new day your pain and heartache will be lessened.

These are very difficult times and while it may seem right now that there is no way you will ever feel better. There is hope and I'll hold it for you and your family in my heart.

Please remember you are not alone.

Bless you. - Andrea

Sarah said...

Hugs and love to you.

Sarah x

Classic Charm said...

Nita,
I believe that John is with you...and he can communicate with you in your dreams. Hang on to those precious dreams...and look to those moments in your dreams as well as your memories to get you through. You and Elizabeth are in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs,
Rose

SweetAnnee said...

I am praying for you to have peace, and LOTS of blooms on the wisteria.

John will always be with you, treasure that.

I love you dear.Deena

Kris Cahill said...

I also believe that John is still with you, and he's letting you know in your dreams. I wish you well in this most difficult time in your life. It is incredible to me that you are able to write about this with such beauty and clarity. I hope you are able to find peace and healing for yourself. Reading about how much love you and John had for each other is truly awe inspiring. Be good to yourself.

Vicki Pink Pearl Girl said...

Hi Nita,
I too have a wisteria that has never bloom. I finally pulled it out of the ground & discarded it or so I thought. To my surpise it came back because I didn't get all of it. It had the will to go on even though I was ready to give up on it. I wish for you that your wisteria will bloom even if mine don't. Like my wisteria there is a part of your precious John that will always be with you guiding you, looking out for you remaining in your heart forever. I am so sorry it hurts so bad for you. Don't give up on yours & Johns dream because he will be there beside of you in your beautiful garden. Take care & I will keep you in my thoughts. When those spring flowers come , through God's grace they will bring comfort to you as they did so many springs ago for me when I suffered a loss of someone special.

Kari & Kijsa said...

Prayers for peace, comfort and joy. Joy is not happiness, it is provided by our Lord and found even in the toughest of times and experiences, whether through memories, dreams, or your beautiful children. We pray for the little things to give you strength to get through the bigger moments.

Many blessings to you this day,
Kari & Kijsa

Davis said...

My wisteria blooms before it is full of leaves. Then there are no more blooms after the leaves grow.

I hope your Wisteria blooms this year.

Rhonda

Vickie said...

Nita, so many of the comments seem to be what I would say. I truly believe this is God's gift to you since John can't be there physically. I believe he's there to help you heal. Your faith will carry and if not God's will until you're ready.

Love and hugs

Nonnie said...

precious dreams, nita.....i too, wish you peace and comfort...you are in my prayers and thoughts.
kimberly

Annette said...

You may have lost your soul mate in this world but I feel when you dream about him he's letting you know he's doing great, and the flower thing blooming....well I bet there's one in heaven that is blooming and he see's it, it's his way of commucating with through dream's, I dream alot about my Dad, and I am so happy when I do cause I know he's with me, just not physically, but spiritaly. Annette

JeannieTheDreamer said...

Oh Nita, John is with you. He really is. He's just invisible. He's right with you! He is visible to your eyes in your dreams. What a beautiful way of loving you.

God Bless.
Jeannie

Donna said...

How wonderful!! And sweetheart?...It Was real. How fantastic was that?!!!!hughugs

Cylithria said...

Nina I read your blog everyday you post, often aloud to my sister. We ache for your pain and loss and yet I never comment as I know not what to say. Please know you are in our thoughts and hearts

Shelley said...

Hello Dear Nita, what a sweet dream and I won't be a bit surprised if that Wisteria isn't in full bloom this year.

Wishing you peace, Shelley

Penny @ Lavender Hill Studio said...

Hi,
Don't think I am strange, but I truly believe loved ones visit us from beyond through our dreams. Hold on to the wonderful memories and enjoy your lovely dreams.
Penny

Jennifer said...

What a symbolic and meaningful dream you had. Spring is a time for new life; I'm hoping it brings some healing for you. I also hope your wisteria blooms for you this year.

John is with you in spirit.

I want you to know that I while I am unable to check your blog daily, I think of you very often. I'm sure there are many people out in blogland who feel the same as I do. Take care, lots of hugs and love.

Dena ~ swaddlecottage said...

Dear Nita,

Just stopping in to check on you and give you a hug. I am praying for you, for peace and for comfort.


Hugs,
Dena

Nonnie said...

just checking on you, nita....letting you know you are in my heart and prayers.....
kimberly

A bird in the hand said...

I know from my own experience that these aren't just dreams. I believe John visits you in spirit, and this dream is telling you to "cultivate your garden" -- that is, continue living and healing and have a good life.
Colette xoxoxo

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