I woke up crying today. I had another dream of John and did not want to wake up. It was so beautiful. We were in our yard but different, you know what I mean? Like how how our minds change things to be more how we want it, instead of how it really is.

It was our yard but a bigger yard. I actually have a Wisteria on the fence and it covers an archway in the side yard. But it has never bloomed. I have coaxed it for years to bloom, but with no luck.

In my dream I was out watering the plants and when I went to water the Wisteria it was covered in blooms. I yelled," John come outside and look at this." He came running out and said, "Wow! That is so beautiful, see I told you it would bloom someday."
Then he hugged me and told me he loved me. I asked him how he knew it would bloom seeing that it never had before. He said, " You just have to have faith."
I guess that is one reason I hate waking up. Because I dream of him so much. I fight daily to do the things I have to do.

Today when I went outside to walk the dogs it was Springlike. It must be 70 degrees. I immediately thought that if John was here we would go for a walk. He and I walked almost everyday when the weather started to be good outside. I enjoyed just talking to him when we walked.

The thing I miss the most about him was that he was the one I talked to about my Mom, sisters, kids and he would give me his opinion to what I should do with a certain situation. He is not here to do that anymore. I have lost my confidant.

Maybe it hurts more now than ever because of Spring... I don't know.

All I can do is trust God to help me. To have faith. Like John said to have in my dream..

~Nita~
Today's song, Does Anybody Hear Her by Casting Crowns
1st video 2nd clip