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Monday, February 18, 2008

I am having a really sad day. It started yesterday. I went out to eat yesterday with Mom and Dad. John always sat next to me in the back seat when we went out to eat with them.

I could just see him in my mind sitting next to me. He always held my hand all the way there. He would talk to Dad about the things men talk about.
I would watch him as he talked, he would get so animated. I loved seeing him smile.

How alone I was yesterday really hit me hard. You can literally feel a difference in your spirit when you lose your spouse.
You feel them leave. I don't know if that makes sense, but it does to me.

I have thought about all the things we talked about the last few months. How he said even though he could not walk Elizabeth down the aisle he could roll her down. She said that would be perfect.

How we had planned to do things together. How we were finally going to be able to go fishing, and do things we wanted to do.

It hurts so much...
~nita~

26 comments:

PixieDust said...

I'm hugging you now, though you can't feel it

I'm holding your hand, though we are miles apart

Love to you, mi Amor...

Love,
Me

Susan Ramey Cleveland said...

I can only imagine how hard it must be. I'm so truly sorry your heart is breaking this way. I pray every day that the grief gets more bearable.
Love,
Susan

My Treasure Barn said...

My dear dear Nita
I am so sad that you are sad. There is going to be so many things that seem empty without John but they are memories Nita. Hold them close to your heart. You and John had something that many wives never experience.

One of my close friends here in Coos Bay told me her husband never tells her he loves her or that she looks pretty . He never holds her hand or puts his arm around her. He has never told her Happy Birthday never sent a Valentine. She has never received a Christmas Gift or even a compliment. How very sad.

Now she feels empty and thinking about divorce after 23 years of marriage.

You had a special man in John and a good marriage even through the bad times. Now you have good memories and riding to dinner in the back seat surely was heart breaking not to have your John there beside you in body but he was there with you in spirit and in memory.

I wish I could give you a hug Nita. I pray that God puts his arms around you and gives you strength during this grieving peroid. My thoughts are of you and Elizabeth EVERY day.
xoxoxoxox
Patti

The Feathered Nest said...

I'm so sorry, Nita. I know that words cannot make your pain go away but please know how much we care and are praying for you...xxoo, Dawn

becomingkate said...

I seemed to be okay (in a deep fog) for the first ten days, then the withdrawal kicked in. Missing the chemistry between us - the way it felt to touch and interact with one another, went on for awhile. Thankfully, time seems so fold up in itself and before you know it, you're start to feel as though the pain is abating.
At five years, I can still have bad days, but I have healed a lot.
Writing about it really helps - and I hope you find a bit of peace each day. *hugs* and prayers for you and your family.

Laurie said...

Please know I am praying for you in your sadness and sending many Hugs to you. I am so sorry that it hurts so much right now, I can't imagine the loss and how lonely it has left you. I truly believe that the more we have loved someone, the hurt of the loss is equal if not greater in measure. I am asking the Lord to fill that empty gaping wound that is in your heart with His love and comfort. So many wonderful memories that hurt too much right now to really cherish. But I know you will because you trust the Lord. I am here to pray you through each day Nita. You have the most beautiful heart, even when it is broken. I love you.

Laurie in Ca.

Thrifty Miss Priss said...

Nita, All I can say is my heart is breaking for you. I can't even pretend to imagine or know what you are going through. This pain I know is unbearable at times...but "this to shall pass". Keep writing about it and getting the love, prayers and support from your blogworld friends.
big hugs for you tonight sweetie...
xxoo
Robin

Classic Charm said...

Nita,
You are in my thoughts...even though we are strangers...but your words touch my heart. Keep those memories in your heart, and John will never be very far.
Blessings,
Rose

Mimi said...

close your eyes...imagine walking up to the golden gates of Heaven...Imagine John standing there waiting for you, with a big smile on his face....calling your name...
{{{Hugs}}}
I am praying for you,
Mimi

Donna said...

Sending you hugs and lot of warmth tonight sweetie!!hughugs...

Classic Charm said...

Nita,
Thanks for stopping in to visit me and for your dear comments about my home. Yes of course you may add my blog to yours as I will do the same. Remember to reach your hand out and let others walk with you on your path of grief...I hope it will ease your steps. As we will all walk this path someday.
Rose

Shelley said...

Hello Dear Nita, so sorry for your sadness. Remembering you in prayer.

God Bless you, Shelley

red tin heart said...

Pixie: I wish you were here to drink a cup of hot tea with me. But thank you friend for your love and concern. love nita

red tin heart said...

Susan: Thank you... love nita

red tin heart said...

Patti: I hope your friend will find a way to work it out with her husband. Or find a someone who loves her if she can't. love nita

red tin heart said...

Dawn: Thank you for praying. love nita

red tin heart said...

becomingkate: Thank you. xoxo nita

red tin heart said...

Laurie: I do trust God and I know He will help us through. Thank you for your words of comfort. Love nita

red tin heart said...

Robin: Thank you. I will keep writing, I don't know what else to do right now. love nita

red tin heart said...

Rose: Thank you and I really like your site. love nita

red tin heart said...

Mimi: Thank you. love nita

red tin heart said...

Donna: Thank you and I am sending love your way. love nita

red tin heart said...

Shelley: Thanks for your prayers. love nita

shabby chic said...

Nita,
I do think John would still love you to do all those things you were going to do together. I can imagine how hearbreaking it is, and you must miss him so deeply. I find being in the outdoors therapeutic with all the trees & sun and the smell of the air.

X Dominique

Melissa @ The Inspired Room said...

So sorry to hear of your loss and how much your heart breaks...this is my first visit but I can still feel your pain.

God bless you,

Melissa

Carmen said...

If you don't heard from me on the weekends it is a little harder for me to connect but please know that I am thinking of you always!!!

P.S. thank you for the images, they are super tender and I am ready to use them for sure.
Thank you again!
Love and light to you.
Please come by my blog on Thursday, I am preparing a little "fiesta" to make smile everyone.

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I love beauty, whether it is in nature, literature or art. And I love music... My day feels incomplete if I haven't had a chance to listen to some good music.. I also love beautiful souls, and kind hearts.

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