I am having a really sad day. It started yesterday. I went out to eat yesterday with Mom and Dad. John always sat next to me in the back seat when we went out to eat with them.

I could just see him in my mind sitting next to me. He always held my hand all the way there. He would talk to Dad about the things men talk about.
I would watch him as he talked, he would get so animated. I loved seeing him smile.

How alone I was yesterday really hit me hard. You can literally feel a difference in your spirit when you lose your spouse.
You feel them leave. I don't know if that makes sense, but it does to me.

I have thought about all the things we talked about the last few months. How he said even though he could not walk Elizabeth down the aisle he could roll her down. She said that would be perfect.

How we had planned to do things together. How we were finally going to be able to go fishing, and do things we wanted to do.

It hurts so much...
~nita~