Change...

I am responsible for my own actions and my own life.

Responsible in Websters dictionary is defined as this:
able to choose for oneself between right and wrong.

I wrote a post last night that I wasn't pleased with after I read it. I didn't own up to my part of the story. I want to do that now.

My post was about how I am going to lose weight this year.
I have tried for 18 years unsuccessfully to do this. I've been on every diet you can imagine and failed for many reasons.

I have always read that behind every weight problem is an emotional issue. I have to agree with that.
Also, before I write anything else, I have made poor choices with what I have eaten many times. I have a terrible sweet tooth. I crave sugar, and many times that is what my downfall is. I may eat healthy all day long and then blow it by eating to many sweets.
Or eat the extra piece of bread at dinner. Or nibble while preparing dinner.
To change a habit or lifestyle we must be completely honest with ourselves, or we will not change. Whatever the habit.

I remember many times skipping breakfast and lunch and then overeating at supper. I have also choose the wrong food when we have went out to eat. I could have chosen healthier food.
I accept my guilt over that.

But, I am going to change this year. I am tired of climbing stairs and being out of breath. I am tired of going to pick out clothes and being disgusted with the horrible selection.

I want to walk in a marathon. I want to not be embarrassed in a swimming suit. I want to see my grand baby raised. I want to be healthy. I want to be a good example for Elizabeth.

Looking back over my life I can see a pattern of when I first began to gain weight. I had seen a brutal rape at the age of 8. I began to gain weight after that.
I lost weight during my teen years and was quite slender. I gained weight after I quit smoking, and then a few months later became pregnant with Elizabeth.
Then, I had a very cruel woman call me and tell me things about my husband while I was pregnant with Elizabeth that devastated me. I lost my confidence at that time.
She knew that I had low self confidence in my looks already, and played on it.
But, ultimately we have to choose to change. We choose to be defeated, or fight our way out of our misery. Sometimes it takes us a long time to choose to fight. We may be so broken in our spirit that we don't have the will to fight. I read a quote once that inspired me greatly, it is : The only way to win is never, never give up.
It is simple. Don't Quit trying.

For all the years that I have tried to conquer my weight, I have never gave up, I may have been thrown off course, but I always get up and try again.

I like myself as a person. I just don't like how I have let myself become heavy. I want the control over my body back. I want to feel good about my body again. I hesitated to share this because it is painful.
But I thought there has to be other people who are going through this too. I am joining Weight Watchers this week with my sister Jamie and Elizabeth and our friend Anne.

I am ready to change..

I want to encourage anybody else who has not been able to lose weight, you can do it. We can do it.
~Nita~

today's song, she will be loved by maroon 5
1st clip

Gifts....

Let me ask you something. Have you ever devoted a whole day just to observe everything around you?

One day a week when I was in my 20's. I went about my usual activities, but I recorded certain parts of the day.

I would listen to the tape at the end of the day.

I would hear the laughter of us being silly. The sound of my kids playing, and fighting over one another's toys, that was very comical.

The sounds of everyday life. The washer washing, the radio, just the noise of life.


It was beautiful...I learned to appreciate my hearing more.
I took my kids outside one day and asked them to close their eyes and listen to all that was around them, and I did the same thing.

I said what do you hear?
C.J said, "I hear the train."
Austin said, " I hear a bird singing."
Elizabeth said, "I hear my stomach growling I'm hungry."

We laughed and laughed over that. But you know there were alot of times that the kids wanted to do that exercise when we were outside, and they learned to appreciate sounds very much.

Our lives are made up of intricate details that make the whole picture possible.
I have always tried to teach my kids to appreciate their hearing, their ability to see and taste and to appreciate life in general. And not to take those gifts for granted. Because they are gifts.

I hope tonight that you will see what gifts you have and rejoice.

~Nita~

Song tonight, House at Pooh Corner by Loggins and Messina
2nd clip

Christmas....

This is the first Christmas I have ever had without John by my side.
On Christmas Eve we always make tacos. I don't know why, we just love tacos and started doing it 21 years ago. It is just a tradition for us.
He always runs out and picks up everything that I have forgotten to buy at the store on Christmas morning, him and my Dad. It is their tradition to go together. Because Mom always forgets to get something too.
I am crying as I write this because it just hurts so much to be without him tonight. I am going to find a ride tomorrow to go see him.
You never realize how much someone does something for you until they can't do it anymore.
It is the little things that have gotten to me more than anything lately. The little things that I miss him doing. Like how he use to get the hangers out of the bathroom. How he use to help me walk the dogs every evening, and we would talk about how our day had went. How every Friday was our date night and we would go out for fish and then rent a movie and watch it together. I know John will be home again. And I am extremely grateful that he is alive.

But I miss him... It has been almost 5 months that he has been gone.

Elizabeth really misses her Dad too. He always helped her with Math. And she asked his advice about so much. She still talks to him on the phone, but it is hard when someone isn't here all the time when you are so used to them being there.

When I went to see him yesterday he was sad about how his legs had shriveled up. They are about half the size they use to be. It is almost impossible for his legs to be straight now. John use to have the most beautiful legs I have ever seen.
They are still beautiful to me. I always tell him he is beautiful to me.
He is not his legs or his ability to walk.
We were talking about how we would never be able to do certain things again. He asked me if it bothered me. I told him not really. The thought about never making love to him again did bother me for a long time. But I am resigned to the fact that it will never happen again.
As long as we can be together is all that matters to me.
We can still have a good life. It will be hard. There is no getting around that. But with God's help we can do it.

I want to help anyone else who is hurting , because
I know there are a lot of lonely people out there . And people who are hurting for one reason or another. You are not alone. Be encouraged by that thought. " You are not Alone."

I want to end with you are valuable, and Your life matters. Don't give up. Tommorow is always a better day.
~Nita~

tonight's song, dear mr. president by pink

(our cat Sade lays in the spot by where John use to sit everyday)


I have received a few e-mails asking me if everything was all right because I have not posted for a few days. Thank you for caring enough about me to do that. It means the world to me.

I have been going to see John at the new Rehabilitation center, and I am just so tired when I get home I have not had enough energy to do anything else . I have been trying to get him settled in. His first few days there were not the best. But they are getting better.

He received his new wheelchair today. He loves it! He was so excited about it. His new chair is motorized and it raises him to eye level. He is not going to be able to get out of bed until after Christmas though because of his last surgery.

He has better cable where he is staying at now, and is thrilled over that.

I am posting John's new address for anyone who would like to send a card. It is: CCS Carbondale
306 West Mill Street
c/o John Zimmerman
Room 6
Carbondale, Illinois
62901

I watched her as she sat in the chair next to me. She was old, I heard her daughter say to the nurse that she was 91. She turned to look at me and smiled a small quiet smile.

My heart ached at the look of uncertainty in her eyes. It was also a look of "please be kind to me, I know I am old and sometimes repeat myself one thousand times a day. But I need love and compassion."

We have the choice in our lives to be kind. We also have the choice to turn what seems like devastation into a blessing. It all depends on our attitude.

I know alot of people don't want to hear that, but it is true. Attitude is a powerful determinate in how our lives will turn out.

There have been times when I have been so desperate. I did not know how I was going to make it through some of the situations I have lived through. But choosing to believe that everything happens for a divine reason, and trying my very best to have an attitude that "I will make it." Has helped me through this life. And having faith in God.

I have also taken scriptures out of the Bible that applied to my situation, and confessed them over my life. Words are the most powerful weapon in the world. The Lord formed the Earth by words. We have the power of life and death in our tongues. So be careful of what you confess over your life.
I am leaving you with some scriptures that I use often.

Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the Lord with all your
heart,
And lean not on your own
understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge
Him.
And He shall direct your
paths.

Psalm 46:1
God is my refuge and strength, an ever- present help in trouble.

Proverbs 18:21
The power of life and death are in the tongue.

Psalm 119:10
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.

Luke 10:9
I have been given authority and power over all the power of the enemy; and nothing shall in any way harm me.

If anyone is struggling right now, like I have for so long, over many issues, please be encouraged that God is there to help you. Reach out to people around you. Pray that God will send you someone to be your friend.

You are valuable and God does love you. You may not know why you are going through what you are going through, but just believe in Him who made you.
~Nita~

5 Things....

I was tagged to list 5 random things about myself by Red Bess Bonney at http://redbessbonney-akasusan.blogspot.com/

1. I hate doing laundry, but I love having the bathroom shelves full of clean towels and wash clothes. It makes me feel good.

2. I adore home decorating magazines. Mary Engelbriet's Home Companion is my favorite, then Country Living, Victoria, Country Home, etc. I have stacks of them.

3. My favorite meal is beef roast with potatoes and carrots. ( i made this last week) yummy....

4. If i were a bird i would make my nest out of waterproof yarn. ha!

This exact color too, i love it.

5. The picture of the stars and sequins at the top is one of my favorites that I took awhile back, and I look at it everyday because it makes me happy.

I am now tagging Patti at Treasure Barn http://treasurebarnblog.blogspot.com/

Donna at Made in Heaven http://donna-madeinheaven.blogspot.com/

Bobbie at Great Grannie Blog at http://granny-blog.blogspot.com/

~ Nita~

i am broken...
but i will stand
i am bruised ...
but i will heal
my heart lies in one million pieces on the ground...
only god can sort it out
and put it back the way it should be
i have tragedy upon tragedy...
but i will fight
and i will stand
and i will not give in and give up
there is a brighter day, a better day
coming my way...

by nita zimmerman

today's song, true colors first clip

Ariel is in her Santa's helper outfit, and

Coco is in her purple sweater .

I went out to walk the pups today and saw these wonderful bird tracks. As soon as we finished our walk, I took the pups in and dried their little paws with a warm towel that I keep on the heater vent while I walk them. And they promptly went and layed on the back of the couch in their little coats to warm up.

We received about 6 inches of snow last night. It was so delightful to see the snow falling down like glitter on the frozen prairie.

I felt like I was in one of those gorgeous snow globes and it had just been shook up. That is how hard the snow was falling last night. The only bad thing is that is hazardous to travel in these conditions. It had rained and sleeted for hours before the snow came.

I would like to leave you with a quote this evening:

The holiest of all holidays are those

kept by ourselves in silence and apart,

The secret anniversaries of the heart...

_ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Hope...

I know these are the holidays, and Christmas is near. This is supposed to be a festive time, but did you know that there are more suicides during the Christmas holiday than any other? There are a lot of people who struggle with loneliness during this time of year. It is a holiday that is focused on being with family.
And if you don't have a family it can be pretty depressing. My thought for today is this, if you know someone who has no family why not invite them over for Christmas dinner.
And if you are alone, and have no where to go, why not volunteer to help feed the homeless at one of the shelters. You might make friends doing that.
I want to encourage anyone who is depressed right now. This time of year is a hard time for many people, for many reasons, it could be financial reasons or health issues, but don't give up. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel.
You may have lost family members around this time of year and your down over that, it will be OK, this will pass.
I have a number for the Suicide hot line that I got from my friend Bill's blog , Dying Man's Daily Journal at http://hudds53.wordpress.com/ that I would like to share with anyone who needs it.
Suicide Hot line 1-877-435-7170 or http://www.suicideline.ca/
It has been on my heart to write this post for awhile. So be encouraged and know that someone cares. ~Nita~

The song for the day, Praise You in This Storm by Casting Crowns. If you have time to listen to this please do. It will encourage you. first clip

A Story....

This is a favorite story of mine, and has been since I was a child. I wanted to put this on today to encourage you. Hope you enjoy it. ~Nita~ (click on story to read and pictures for better view)

My friend Dena from http://swaddlecottage.blogspot.com/ recently gave me the award Blog With a Heart. Dena is a wonderful person who is so giving. I would like to award:

Suzi Blu from http://suziblu.blogspot.com/

Suzi is one of the sweetest people I have ever met. I just love her. She is creative and funny and full of love for people.

Pixie from http://storiesicantell.blogspot.com/ I feel like Pixie and I are connected on so many levels. She is a great person who shares her life. And that is not easy to do. <3

Shelley from http://shelleysvintagevariety.blogspot.com/ Shelley has embraced me like she always known me. You don't find many people like that. She has sent me books to read to help me through the rough times and also just been so encouraging. Thank you friend.

Last but not least the beautiful Maija at http://www.maigirlz.typepad.com/

Maija is a wonderfully creative beautiful soul who has overcame so much this year. I love her spirit.

xo Nita xo

Create...

Being creative is not a single act, but the act of living itself.

The creative woman is on fire with imagination, ignited by the certainty of her relationship with a living God and her surety of purpose.

She lives in freedom, not measuring herself by the lives around her. She takes calculated risks, understanding the value of going beyond the horizon of the known and coming back to report what she has discovered. She tackles life's challenges with heart, hands and faith.

I found this written in one of my notebooks this evening as I was cleaning off the counter. I did not write the author's name down, though I wish I had. It encouraged me greatly and I hope it encourages you.

~Nita~

It's Beginning to Look Alot Like Christmas...

(click on photos for a great view)

I took these photos last night at the shopping center here in my town. Aren't these snow men angels the bomb? And I love the green Christmas trees. I took the picture of the green trees so you could see the stuff in the other window across from them. This little store has so much Christmas decor. It is wonderful. Elizabeth and I could go in there and just look for hours. I wouldn't even have to buy anything.

What are your favorite Christmas decorations?

~Nita~

Lights in the Darkness....

" Although the world is full

of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it."

Helen Keller

Tonight as we went past the Catholic Church it was lit up for Saturday evening Mass. It's lights beckoning me to come in. I stopped and took a picture of the warm lights that lit the darkness. I hope this picture cheers you as much as it did me.

~Nita~

Chloe...

This is my little grand baby Chloe. She will be 2 in February. My oldest son and his wife were down here this past week and I was able to visit with them for awhile.

Elizabeth and I had collected : faerie wings, sunglasses, tutus, necklaces, a wand and a bunch of other girly things for her for her birthday, but decided to give them to her early.

She looked at everything and said," Wow!" She put her little tiara on and said, " Me princess Chloe". I will never forget that. She is not even 2 yet but can talk so good. She loves our cat Sade and our little pups Coco and Ariel. She is so much like her Daddy when he was little. The same blue eyes... I love our Chloe. ~Nita~

Christmas picture with a poem...

( I put this picture together a few days ago)

And this is my favorite Haiku poem.

Rain falling on a tin roof

reminds me of the night

you walked barefoot across my soul...

author unknown

What poems do you like?

John's Surgery Went Great!

This is a picture of our pup Coco on the right. The stuffed animal on the left looks almost just like her. John bought her for me when I had surgery about 9 years ago.

We took the stuffed animal that looks like Coco to the hospital after his accident so John would be comforted.

John's surgery went really well. He had surgery yesterday at 12:30. Also, he does not have to lay on his stomach !! The surgeon found out he had a Sports Bed (thanks Lee) and said since he has one of these, he can lay on his back and sides. Isn't that great? I was so happy for him.

He is at the same hospital but a different floor. He will be there for several weeks now. Here is the address for those who want to send cards.

SSM Rehab

c/o John Zimmerman

Room 201

6420 Clayton Road

St. Louis , Mo.

63117

He really looks forward to the mail. And all of your cards have really pulled him through alot of the loneliness and sadness of this situation. Thank you all so much for your kindness and love. I will be posting a Christmas post tomorrow, but tonight I wanted to update everyone.

I stayed the night in the hospital with John last night in case he needed me, and stayed all day today. He is doing so well though. Thanks for all your prayers for him it was much appreciated. The power of prayer is strong. On a closing note, I saw a rainbow on the way home tonight from the hospital. Rainbows and butterflies have always been a personal symbol to me of hope. My heart felt so much lighter tonight, lighter than it has in a long while.

For everyone out there looking for hope tonight I am here to encourage you. Have hope friend, the Lord will see you through your difficulties. He is helping me and He will help you too.

~Love Nita~

(me wearing my dog walking hat)

I have been tagged by Danita at http://danitaart.blogspot.com/ to list 5 good things about me.

1. I am loyal . You won't find a more loyal friend.

2. I am a non-conformist.

3. If you fell down I would laugh at you, but then i would help you up.

(i have a nervous laughter. O.k, i really just think it is funny when people fall down. ha!)

4. My favorite word is iridescent.

5. I am rarely bored.

~nita~

Tonight's song, Love's Divine by Seal

I dedicate this song to everyone who is hurting right now. Who's heart is breaking from being neglected or not loved enough. And to those who are suffering through a hard time. I want to tell you " You Are Important, and You Are Valuable" And " You Are Loved" Love Nita <3

I wasn't going to write this, but I feel compelled to. I am having a horrible day. Everything has went wrong today. I feel so weak right now. I am scared we are not going to make it at times. I am trying to be strong... but some days it is so hard to be strong. I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. Financially, health wise, children, it just seems like to much to handle at times. I know God is in control, but I need to see some movement soon. If anybody else is feeling this way I pray for God to give you strength and to help you through all your difficulties. And please pray for me. ~Nita~

Good news for John (for all new readers John is my husband). He is getting surgery by early next week. He will be able to stay at the same hospital. They had talked about moving him back to SLU. But luckily he gets to stay at SSM. After a few days he may be moved to new hospital though closer to the next rehab (I will post his new address as soon as he moves). He will have to go to one more rehab to learn how to live at home. He has maxed out on all he can learn at this facility. The bedsore was examined yesterday and has shrunk some but it is still very deep. And still needs surgery.

He was very happy that I had asked my friends on my blog to pray for him. He extends his thanks to you all.
Hopefully by tomorrow I will be able to post something Christmasy. I want to post a picture of our tree. Elizabeth picked it out. She was going to get a pink one but they were out so she picked a white one. It is so pretty. We love it. Though we do have a small pink one for the kitchen table.

Thanks everybody for your wonderful responses, I appreciate them all so much. I am getting ready to go to the library and look into the book on tapes. I am going to get a list and take it to John and see which ones he would like. That was a great idea suggested by a few people.
Have a great night. ~Love Nita~

Today's song, I Still Believe by Jeremy Camp (i still believe ....)
First clip upper right corner

Please Say a Special Prayer for John...

(me and John a few weeks ago)


I have known for the last few weeks that John was going to have another surgery. This surgery is called a flap. It is to close the bedsore because of its enormity. It has stopped tunneling but it has to be closed.

John just found out tonight that he will have to lay on his stomach for 4 to 6 weeks. He was so very down about this. We cried on the phone together. I am so incredibly sad that he has to go through this. He told me the weight of being in this condition has really hit him hard in the last few days.

I am asking everyone to please say an extra prayer for John and to please put him on your prayer lists. He is dreading this surgery and I am praying that it goes better than any one hopes. I also want to thank everyone who donated items for the Trivia night for John and our family. It was much appreciated. I have had the most tremendous amount of encouragement from all the people I have meet on my blog. I will never forget it. Thank you all for everything. ~Nita~

Tonight's song, Half Acre by Hem (4th clip) dear friends and gentle hearts.... on this scrap of paper

Please say a prayer for Elizabeth tonight too , she has been going through such a hard time with all of this. She needs alot of prayer now. Thank you.

I was just leaving a response to Katherine about coming up with ideas to help John through spending all that time on his stomach. I thought If anyone else has an idea to help John through this , I would appreciate advice.

Update...

They are still investigating the murder. I have heard that the killer was caught today. I can't write any more because there is an investigation underway. I just ask everyone to keep my son's family lifted up. They are all just devastated. Thank you, Nita

Please pray for my oldest son's mother-in-law , her brother was tragically murdered yesterday evening here in our little town. She and her parents will need much prayer to help them through this horrible time. Thank you, Nita

Diamonds...

The soul is placed in the body like a rough diamond, and must be polished, or the luster of it will never appear. ~Daniel DeFoe~


(click on photo for better view)

i got this photo today while driving around out in the country near my home with my sister and my daughter and her friend stacy.

today's song, almost home by craig morgan 4th clip

I was thinking about something last night. No matter how many trials we go through, the only real thing we have on earth is God. If I wouldn't have had God all these years I would have gave up.
I had a dream one night that I was with God in Heaven and we were watching a little girl who was crying. The little girl was me. I said, "God please let me go comfort her and tell her it will be ok, and that she will make it through all the trials she will face." He said, " No little one, she will have people who will tell her this, and they may be few and far between but it will be enough encouragement for her to get through. And she will have angels watch over her."
So many times I think we forget about the big picture, myself included. We forget we are here on this earth to learn about God and that there is a Heaven waiting for us. Heaven will be so much better than this dump we call earth. All the trials we have been through will seem like nothing when we actually make it home.

When things are overwhelming for me I do give myself time to be sad , and I do cry . But then I think of the big picture.
~Nita~


Today's songs, Only Imagine and Homesick by Mercy Me
(second clip)
The top right corner has a singer that is so amazing as well. If you have time listen , it might bless you a bunch...

For everyone who left a comment on last night's post thank you. Your thoughts mean alot to me. One of the reasons i don't smile much in my photos is when i take self portraits i am concentrating on the position of the camera and i just forget to smile. But i am actually a big cut up who smiles alot. I promise more photos with smiles. ^-^

Dream Catcher...

This is the shadow of my dream catcher... I love the way the sunrise is shinning through it.

~nita~

Tonight's song, How Deep is Your Love by the Bee Gees

thankful....

I took this self portrait yesterday by the window. The sun felt like a million light bulbs shinning on my face. It was hard not to wince my eyes because of the brightness. I titled this picture thankful because I feel thankful for the good things in my life. And I am trying to stay focused on the good.

Here are a few things i am grateful for:

1. That John didn't die, but lived through his accident.

2. My children.

3. The sky when it's cloudy and grey, then I can appreciate the sun when it shines.

4. Color, I love color. The color of a Green apple, the color of a silver star in the midnight sky, the color of a lilac bush in sweet Summertime. The color of the ocean on a stormy day, the color of the trees in Spring for they are like a riot of color then.

5. Smell, the smell of an apple pie baking in the oven. Fresh laundry hanging on the clothesline. The smell of lavender and vanilla shampoo. The smell of good soap. A roast baking in the oven and fresh bread in the oven.

6. Laughter, we have to have a sense of humor to be able to make it in this life. I laugh many times when I feel like crying. There were many days this week I was down, but I am trying not to be.

These are a few things I am grateful for. I will be posting more throughout the month. What are you grateful for?

~Nita~

Today's song, Fields of Gold by Eva Cassidy

Neverland....

(click on picture for better details)

I borrowed my Dad's marbles to do this photo. I put the heart in the center with the key as a metaphor for being able to unlock childhood.

What makes you feel like a kid again?

~Nita~

Today's song, When Doves Cry by Prince

One day when my daughter was 8 years old she looked at me very seriously and asked, " Mom how long has it been since you rolled on the ground?" I laughed and said, "It's been a while." Elizabeth said, "Well, how about Now."

I said, " Sure let's go."

We went to Mom's, who lives across the street from us. And there is a big strip of land next to her house, perfect for rolling on! And we got on the ground and we rolled from one end to the other, which was about 300 yards one way, I have a very nosy neighbor and she came running outside and said, "What in the world are you all doing?"

I look up grass in my hair and say very seriously," Rolling on the ground would you like to join us?"

Her face turned red and she said," No, but you all are crazy!"

She turned around in a huff and went back in the house. Me and Elizabeth just laughed until we cried.

Have you rolled on the ground lately? You say it has been years. How about borrowing a niece or a nephew and trying it? You might find it liberating. Some things from childhood should be remembered while others discarded. Have a great day. ~Nita!~

Mermaid Treasure....

(click on picture for better view)

My niece dove one Summer for a week to get these clam shells off the bottom of her family lake for me. I treasure them... I mixed some of my favorite pieces of jewelry in with the shells because of the colors.

What do you have that you treasure?

~Nita~

Tonight's song, Unwritten

Live your life with arms wide open.....

i keep these feathers in a jar by the sink, and close to my heart. i have collected them over the years in my walks through the woods. my sister also collected some of them for me in the woods where she lives... they make me think of her.

~Nita~

(click on photo for better look)

I created this photo tonight out of the collection of stuff I love. I want to make it my new header, but I don't know how to make it small enough to use. I tried and it is enormous! If anyone has experience with this please leave me a comment because I really want to use this photo as the header for my site. Thanks ~nita~

I figured out how to do the banner today by a comment that Jeanne left me. Her site is: Dream, Create, Inspire... http://jeanneszewczyk.blogspot.com/ Jeanne has a lovely site, if you have time pop over.

today's song: Diamonds and Rust

The Tale of Mary McRainey

Ms. Mary McRainey had the most beautiful gardens in all of Southern Illinois , at least that's what all the tour books said. Mary had lived in Sand Creek for the last couple of years.Before that she had lived in an institute for the insane, but know one knew that. She had a nervous breakdown after her only son drowned in a fishing accident. And had spent two years in that horrible place, where one can only imagine the torment and torture you go through while there.

Her sister Ellen came to visit her one week -end and found Mary clean and dressed. That was the first time in her many visits to Mary that had happened.

" Ellen I am ready to go home." She said this to her sister very
solemnly.
Ellen didn't dare tell Mary that her husband had sold the house and left with another woman just a few months before. She waited until she got her home.

" Mary, I've got bad news, Evan has sold your home and left." Ellen's lip trembled.

"I know Ellen, I've known for a awhile. He ran off with Cheryl Miller. One of the kind nurses told me about it repeatedly." Mary's bitterness was quite evident as she spoke .
"I've lost everything Ellen, except for you." Mary sobbed quietly in her hands as Ellen wrapped her arms around her sister's slender shoulders.

The two sisters lived quietly together for 2 years when tragedy struck again. Ellen was killed in a car accident on the way home from work one night. Ellen had been the only family Mary had left in the world. Now she was totally alone...

Mary sold the house she and Ellen had shared and after the insurance had been collected she moved to a new city. Sand creek was 3 hours away from where she had lived with Ellen and no one knew her there and that's the way she wanted it.

That's when Mary began her gardens. It started as therapy for all the grief she had endured.She needed something to take her mind off the horrible sadness she felt on a daily basis.

Mary had a two story Victorian with 2 huge lots, and she completely filled them with plants. Not just any plants, but heirloom plants and exotic plants.

She also had the most amazing life like statues in various parts of the garden. Statues of people to be exact. When asked where she got her statues, Mary always replied that she had made them herself.



She had gotten on the garden tour just a year after moving to Sand Creek. During the tours Mary still felt a little lonely, but
when everyone would leave Mary always made a point of telling the statues good night. Because of course Evan and Cheryl were there, and the kind nurse who had taunted her relentlessly in the hospital. Those statues, so life like, so real.....

by Nita Barrow- Zimmerman

todays song...blue moon with heartache by roseanne cash

This is an Indian tool I found years ago at my sister's house in the country. She owns alot of land and has always let me come out and explore. I have done alot of research on tools that were used by ancient Indians, and this looks like one that was used to take the tallow off the back of a deer hide. And I am sure it was used for other animal skins too. It literally has the finger prints of those who have used it embedded in it. My heart skips a beat ever time I pick it up and feel those finger prints. ~nita~

Geez! I look like I could gouge somebodies eye out holding this thing in the air like this!

The Gift ( part 2)

Heather looked around at her home in the stillness of night, she checked the doors and windows to see if they were locked. She then went and put another load of wood on the fire that was getting ready to die. And in the sparks she saw a face . She jumped back from the flames that had begun to greedily lick at the wood.



The face was the leader of the midnight riders, It was twisted and bent and his eyes were blacker than the bottom of the well. She prayed for God to show her what to do. She knew her life was in danger and maybe her family's life as well. All the next day she sat in silence in her room, praying and thinking. Her Mother came to see her because this was not like her daughter.



" Heather, what is wrong?" her mother asked her softly.



"Mother I don't know if I want to tell you because I don't know if you will believe me." Heather's lip trembled slightly as she said this to her Mother.



" I will believe you, just tell me. " Her Mother said to her in a worried tone.



"I dream things and they come true." Heather blurted these words out hurriedly. " I don't want them to come true but they do. And I have had visions of things that were going to happen." She began to cry , and her tears flowed down her checks like a damn overflowing.



Her Mother wrapped her arms around her, and quieted her oldest child. " It's all right, I knew this might happen. My own Mother had the Gift. It is not your fault. I was skipped and only certain people are chosen from each line to have it. You must always use it for good and never for evil. I remember there were times my Mother prayed that she would see no more visions and have no more dreams, but God saw fit for her to have this gift.And apparently you have been chosen now too."



" Mother, I dreamed a man was coming to kill me and I saw his face in the fire. I am scared he will kill you and Dad and the rest of our family. " Heather could not quit crying.



Her mother took her in her arms and let her finish crying and then she said, what are all the details of your dream? I need to know everything. These dreams are like puzzles and you have to figure them out."



Heather began, "It was midnight and the moon was out, it was a full moon. And the riders had on black coats and they were very skinny. There were maybe six of them and they riding across the prairie to our home. And the lead rider pointed at me and told me he was coming for me. He had a tattoo on his neck of a knife with blood dripping down his neck."



Heather's mom thought for a minute and said, "I remember hearing about a man who had a tattoo like that over in Silver Creek. He was arrested last year with part of his gang for several heinous murders not far from there. They murdered several families that lived near the river. It was so bad they had to piece the people back together who were murdered to identify them. This gang is scheduled to hang in 3 weeks. But, alot can happen between now and then."

Heather felt like throwing up she was so scared. "Mom, what are we going to do?"

Heather's mom answered confidently. " I am going to talk to the sheriff over there tomorrow and tell him about your dream and tell him to watch out for a jailbreak. I know he will listen, he knew Momma and he use to ask her for advice. He is like us he believes in warnings."

The next day Heather's mother went to see the sheriff and told him about Heather's dream. He took this to heart and when part of the gang that hadn't been caught tried breaking them out the night before the execution, they were prepared. They caught the rest of the gang that evaded them the year before and executed them too.

Heather lived to be nearly a 100, and saved many lives with her gift.

Too many times people assume that which is different to be evil. When in fact it can be a gift from God.

by Nita Barrow- Zimmerman

For anyone who wants to send John cards here is his address:

SSM Rehab

c/o John Zimmerman

Room 137

6420 Clayton Road

St. Louis , Mo.

63117

I have also had questions about the Trivia Night, here is some information on that:

Trivia night is Saturday

November 17, 2007

doors open: 6:30p.m. games start 7:00 p.m.

It will be at: Meadow Ridge Clubhouse

615 Westpark Drive

Columbia, Illinois

There will be a silent auction, quilt raffle, 50/50 drawing, and food is included in the price of the ticket which is 20.00 dollars. Donations accepted as well. Tables are limited so please contact Carolyn as soon as possible if you want on a team.

For information contact: Carolyn Sickmeir at 618-281-6132

The Gift

Tonight I don't have a drawing but I do have a story.


Heather MacDougal was gifted with the sight.

She knew when bad things were going to happen. Some call this a curse, but it says in Psalm 25:14 The Lord confides in those who fear Him. She took this scripture to heart.

Ever since she was a little girl she would get the feeling, then she would see a candle in the bedroom corner late at night glowing ever so bright, but there was no candle in that corner.
Then the dreams would come. She dreamed of Sandy McNeils death two weeks before he died, trampled to death by his horse Winnie.

Those two weeks were the longest weeks of Heather's life. She told Sandy about her dream but he had laughed at her, then he called her a witch. She begged him not to ride Winnie for awhile but he just ran away. Then he was dead.

She prayed and prayed for God to take it away. She didn't want to see the deaths, didn't want to know the horrors.

But they continued. Then the dream that changed her life happened...

She had fallen asleep by the fireplace and the dream started immediately, like falling when your dreaming she couldn't stop it...

A band of travelers rode across dusty prairie in moonlight. They were traveling to her home to kill her and her family. Dust flew from the horses hooves and their nostrils flared. The men's coats hung loosely from their gaunt frames . And the leader had a tattoo of a bloody knife on his neck, drops of blood trailed down his neck. He looked up and pointed, "I am coming for you Heather."

Heather sat up her heart was beating so fast it felt like it would fly from her chest. Sweat covered her entire body , yet she was cold.


to be continued tomorrow....

by Nita Barrow- Zimmerman

tonight's song, Very Superstitious by Stevie Wonder

Mermaid Chronicles (Mitzi)

This is my friend Mitzi, she's an Irish American Mermaid, and very proud of that I might add. She has been my best friend since 1st grade.

You might have noticed Mitzi has glasses. I know, you didn't know Mermaids wore glasses, right? Well some do.

Mitzi realized she had problems with her eyes when she thought she was petting a dolphin but it turned out to be a shark, a man eating shark.

Who was in a very foul mood!

Mitzi is lucky though, the only thing the shark ate was her pinkie finger on her right hand. He was banished after this incident by King Neptune to the Neverworlds to do dishes for the rest of eternity and to scrap bubble gum off the bottom of every bad Merman's tail. (really bad punishment)

So Mitzi got glasses and has her pinkie finger missing, But, she is the best Seahorse activist you will ever meet. She fights for the rights of these precious little friends of the ocean .

We have handicaps some people would say, but we see them as challenges. That is why we are the perfect friends, we are overcomers.

by Nita Barrow- Zimmerman

Crystal the Narcoleptic Mermaid

Hi, my name is Crystal. I never knew I had a problem until one day I was sitting on a rock, just sunning myself, when all of a sudden I wake up flat on my back in the ocean with a huge bump on my forehead. That's when I suspected I might have "narcolepsy". I was so ashamed. It runs in our family, we are predispositioned for it. I could never play the games other mermaid girls did. Because of my.....Narcolepsy. I always wondered why I was excessively sleepy in the daytime, and why I would wake up on the floor at home. Mother and Dad never talked about it much, they were too ashamed of it. A girlfriend told me about it at school in the bathroom. That is how I found out what I had. That is my story, thanks.

by nita barrow- zimmmerman

todays song, slide by the goo goo dolls

my dream...

This is a dream of mine. If we don't have dreams what do we have? I want my own Art Shack where artists from all over can come and teach, and sell their art. Maybe someday...

I have been thinking about alot of stuff today. I do not want to hate. I don't want to hold anger in my heart anymore. I have a choice, I choose to love.

(click on picture for a better look)



We can only learn to love by loving.
- Doris Murdock


There is a song by the Black Eyed Peas, Where is the Love , in the top right corner. It is one of my favorite songs. If you have time, listen to it.

kindness...

"Kindness is in our power, even when fondness is not."

Samuel Johnson

baja

once, long long ago there was a white elephant named baja. he was from India. he was considered good luck but also cursed. he lived with his clan in the Forrest surrounding an ancient city, long abandoned by its people. baja always took bathes in an enormous fountain in the middle of the city. the water flowing from an ancient spring from when time began. baja gazed at the bottom of the fountain where there was a mosaic, he of course never knew what it was called, he just knew it was a beautiful picture. the picture was of a mermaid sitting on a rock jutting out of the ocean she had long dark hair and green blue eyes. she had a stream of tears coursing down her pink cheeks. and baja felt his heart sadden, he too began to cry soft tears of sadness for the mermaid on the rock. suddenly the mermaid came to life and she swam all around baja. you can imagine his shock! he said how did you do that? . she said, your tears brought me to life. i was frozen in time by a very bad witch, now i am free. baja i know you are treated differently because of your color. but you have a blessing and a curse, but you have to let your blessing outshine the darkness. This is my story of baja the white elephant. and we too have to let our blessing outshine the darkness. nita barrow-zimmerman

i 'm just to far from where you are....

and i feel just like i'm living someone else's life... it's like i just stepped outside when everything was going right..

michael buble ..home

i call this angel......jasmine

I am participating create a piece of art everyday at, Creative Everyday...Everyday Creative http://www.creativeeveryday.com/creativeeveryday/

I took this photo the other day because I loved it. I want to use this for my art today. You can use photos, drawings, things you have made. Check out her site you can still participate. Today is the first day. ~nita~

peace

There is no quiet place in your cities, no place to hear the leaves of Spring or the rustle of insects wings....

The Indians prefer the soft sound of the wind darting over the face of the pond, the smell of the wind cleansed by a midday rain, or scented with pinon pine.

The air is precious to the Red Man, for all things share the same breath- the animals, the trees, the man. Like a man who has been dying for many days, a man in your city is numb to the stench.

Chief Seattle

1790-1866

I love this , I think it shows us how true this is now. We basically have no place left on earth that isn't polluted. I took this picture a few weeks ago . I love to hear quiet sounds. I like simple things, a walk in the woods , looking for unusual rocks. Looking for birds and taking good pictures. What do you like?

It was a long night last night. Fridays are always the worst for being lonley. I had went to visit John yesterday, and he is doing better, but the news is, that he will be in this hospital 6 more months, instead of 5 weeks. He was supposed to be moved into a rehab in 5 weeks. Now ....
I drove home in the rain last night and thought about all of it. I miss him so much, we use to go to the show together and go for long drives and he would humor me in all my oddities. If he saw abandoned birds nests he would bring them home for me. One time at work he found a rock in the shape of a heart, he put it in his pocket, and when he got home he said look in my pocket would you? I thought he was just being pervie, but I humored him. Then I found the rock. He said your heart is never far from me I carry it around in my pocket.

Our life has never been easy. In fact there were many times I wanted to leave him for things he did that broke my heart. But I guess the point is, I have always loved him, even through the bad times, and there have been plenty of bad times.

But you never realize what it is like being alone until you are.

There are 2 songs that are my favorite songs right now. One is, Half Acre By Hem. The other is Nothing Left To Lose by Matt Kearney
If you get a chance to listen to them do it because they are awesome.

There is also a song that Hem does called The Beautiful Sea that is wonderful, her voice reminds me so much of Sarah Mclachlan.

I am carrying this scrap of paper....

Murder in a Small Town

This past week has been terrifying. I could not write about it until now. A woman in our town named Michelle Cavaletto was brutally murdered this past Saturday. She was a 1st grade school teacher. They just caught her killer yesterday. She was walking just a few blocks from her rural home when a man in a jeep ran her down, drug her into the woods and viciously raped her and left her to die. He came back they said a few hours later, and she was still alive, he then kicked her in the face with his steel toed boots , and then stabbed her to death. I cried so much for this poor woman. It makes me so mad that this little punk did this to her. She had 2 children. I can't imagine the horror she felt while this was happening to her.
My daughter asked me how someone could do this to a complete stranger. I told her I don't know. I myself don't understand anyone who wants to kill another human being. Especially this way. Then there were rumors of 2 other murders which was really frightening as well. We live in a small town and it is a rare occurrence for something so heinous to happen like this. I ask that everyone say a prayer for this woman's family. That God would help them to heal. That He would pour mercy and strength down on them during this horrible time. Thanks ~nita~

Even though I did not know her I will remember her. She was a woman like me, a mother like me, Someones daughter like me.

7 Facts About Me

I was tagged by Rachel at http://pinstripedpenguin.blogspot.com/

to share 7 facts about myself, some random, some weird, some normal.

1. I karate chop the toilet paper to open it, and yell hi ya!

2. I wish I was a gypsy

3. I am a Christian, but I don't like judgemental people. My moto is don't judge me and I won't judge you.

4. I have hundreds of notebooks full of poetry and stories I have written but no one has read.

5. I love the smell of food as much as I like to eat it. And I love to smell good perfume, and flowers and pleasant things. A smell can transport me to different times in my life, and make me remember certain people.

6. I always fight for the underdog.

7. I love music and reading almost as much as the air I breathe. When I hear a certain song, same as the smell, I am transported.

I would like to tag:

Sheri at Blended Colors http://blendedcolors.blogspot.com/

Mary at Mary's View http://marys-view.blogspot.com/

Dawn at The Feathered Nest http://the-feathered-nest.blogspot.com/

Nathalie at An Artist's Legacy http://nathaliethompson.blogspot.com/

Kate at The French Nest http://the-french-nest.blogspot.com/

Jeannene at Love Conquers All at http://loveconquersall.typepad.com/

Maija at Maigi Madness http://www.maigirlz.typepad.com/

Sign up for Blogger Trick or Treating one post down.

Thinking Blogger Award

I have been awarded a Thinking Blogger Award by Amanda from Hidden Art, http://hiddenart.wordpress.com/ check out Amanda's site, she is very creative, and a wonderful person.

I would like to nominate, Sherry at Q's corner http://q-corner.blogspot.com/ I love Sherry for her quiet and thoughtful wisdom.

Rella at Faerieluna http://faerieluna.blogspot.com/

Rella has a wisdom born from experience that I treasure.

Bill at Dying Man's Journal http://hudds53.wordpress.com/ Bill is going to change the world one word at a time. Check his site out.

Robin at Thrifty Miss Priss is a woman after my own heart. Read her Can of Whoop Ass post http://thriftymissprissy.typepad.com/

Delila at Sepia Art Studio http://www.sepia-art-studio.typepad.com/ I really like Delila's site, she is a very deep thinker.

Tom at Mon@rch Nature Blog at http://monarchbfly.com/ Tom is gifted when teaching others about nature. I have learned so much from reading his site.

Amanda I feel honored that you choose me for this award, and I thank you. xoxo Nita

There is a song by Annie Lenox titled, Why , it's the third one down on the upper right. I love this song, she is so passionate when she sings, I just keep coming back to her.

There Was a Tree

There was a tree on the edge of my school yard when I was 8 years old. This tree was enormous and it's branches hung low to the ground as if begging children to climb up into it for safe keeping.

This tree also seemed to me ,as if God Himself had planted it for me to climb everyday. Before school I would climb this tree and sit in the middle branches, and wait for the other kids to arrive. I remember wishing that I could be invisible for just one day, so I could just sit there all day and no one could see me. But I would be able to observe them. To see if their life was like mine. To see if they had to hide the things I had to hide.

So many thoughts ran through my mind at that age. I often wondered about the meaning of life, and what purpose I was here for.

I use to take a little pocket Bible and hide it in my jacket and read it at recess. I was very much a loner. I felt no one could possibly understand me , or the the things that were going on in my life. These times were some of the most stressful in my life, and I often sought God.

One morning it had rained severely and when I climbed the tree it was very wet and quite a few of the tree's smaller branches and leaves lay on the ground framing it in leafy splendor. But in the center of the tree was a pocket of water where normally was a dry hollow.

It seemed to me like holy water and I dipped my finger tips into it and made the sign of the cross. It amazed me so much that God would allow me to see the secret of the tree. A secret water spot for the birds to take a sip within its leafy branches. I rested against the enormous limb and soaked in the peace I felt there. ~nita~

Love's Divine by Seal reminds me so much of that day. I needed love so much.....